Galasso

Galasso seems to believe that he is actually the despot of a ruthless, fascist organization. Sure, many would say managing a retail store isn't too different, but--

Well, okay. It's really the same thing.

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Ethan

A failed stand-up comedian, Ethan has settled for working retail. Amazingly, retail has not broken him yet. He still has that shimmer of hope for the future and his fellow man. Whether this is due to the strength of his resolve or just plain old ordinary denial depends on your personal level of cynicism.

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Amber

Amber is uneasy when dealing with people, so Cheese only knows why she runs the customer service desk. It probably has to do with how she feels more secure behind the counter, with a solid barrier between herself and real li-- er, customers. She used to have an Internet boyfriend.

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Robin

A hyperactive, sugar-infested crackpot, Robin has few boundaries and even less patience. She notices the worst things and asks the wrong questions. Robin knows she has a body, and she knows to use it, but she's still working on the how. She's got a thing for Ethan, but he's gay. Gay for Mike.

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Mike

Mike is rumored to have ruined a five-year-old girl's birthday party by training a fleet of squirrels to publically mate with her mother (up the butt, probably) at the dinner table in front of her and her friends. This was not to make himself feel superior. This was not a power trip. Mike is just an asshole. Claim anything else, and you're reaching.

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Leslie

Leslie is in love with Robin. She is aware that Robin is straight, but this does not deter her from trying to get in her good graces. It's heartbreaking to watch, especially since Leslie's so sweet. Robin calls her "my lesbian," which should be by all rights offensive to any other person, but Leslie has accepted it as a term of endearment.
The only way to make Leslie mad is to insult her favorite science-fiction franchises.

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Faz

Shortpacked!'s most annoying recruit has an infuriatingly smug grin you'd love to remove with a grenade launcher. He's got some amoral ideas on how to succeed in the workplace, and it's even more infuriating that they usually seem to work. He has decided that Amber will be his bride, much to her revulsion.

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Rick

He loves ninjas with every part of his body. Especially his pee-pee.

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Ronnie

He's the fortieth President of the United States.

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Ultra Car

Ultra Car is a grouchy sentient car with a superiority complex. He's high tech, he's state-of-the-art, he's valuable property, and he knows it and proclaims it. Ultra Car won't miss any opportunity to verbally assault the meat people, yesterday's evolutionary news, who surround him. He's not above physical assault, either... or the occasional cream pie assault.

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