Galasso
seems to believe that he is actually the despot of a ruthless,
fascist organization. Sure, many would say managing a retail
store isn't too different, but--
A
failed stand-up comedian, Ethan has settled for working retail.
Amazingly, retail has not broken him yet. He still has that
shimmer of hope for the future and his fellow man. Whether this
is due to the strength of his resolve or just plain old ordinary
denial depends on your personal level of cynicism.
Ethan recently discovered he was gay. He's not very good at that, either.
Amber is
uneasy when dealing with people, so Cheese only knows why she
runs the customer service desk. It probably has to do with how
she feels more secure behind the counter, with a solid barrier
between herself and real li-- er, customers. She used to have an Internet
boyfriend.
Slowly, Amber has grown more and more confidence in herself, but she's using it to blackmail Mike into a sexy yet twisted relationship.
A hyperactive,
sugar-infested crackpot, Robin has few boundaries and even less
patience. She notices the worst things and asks the wrong questions.
She even barks up the wrong trees; for the longest time, she had a thing for Ethan, but he turned out to be gay. Gay for Mike.
Through a fluke, Robin is a Congressional Representative for her state. She takes this second job as seriously as you'd expect her to.
Mike is just an asshole. Claim anything
else, and you're reaching. The only time he ever says anything helpful is if it depresses you. He'll also give you the best sex of your life, if only to withhold more from you thereafter.
He's got an embarrassing secret, though, and Amber, after discovering it, is extorting boyfriendship out of him to keep it that way.
Leslie is in love with Robin and is her biggest fangirl, despite the latter's seemingly obvious shortcomings. After many years of frustration on Leslie's part, what with Robin's outstanding straight-ness, it seems Robin's trying to give a lesbian relationship a go.
Leslie, who Robin affectionally calls "my lesbian," is a big science fiction fan. Not so big a fan of the Bible, however, since it and her parents think she should be put to death.
Jacob is a recent hire to Shortpacked!. The rest of the employees don't know much about him yet other than that he's a gorgeous piece of man candy, he's straight, and he loves himself some Marvel Comics.
But truth be told, he's got some personal compulsion-based issues he doesn't like talking about. And he might have an eye for Amber. Uh oh.
Shortpacked!'s
most annoying recruit has an infuriatingly smug grin you'd love to remove
with a grenade launcher. He's got some amoral ideas on how to
succeed in the workplace, and it's even more infuriating that
they usually seem to work.
He has decided that Amber will be his bride, much to her revulsion. Unfortunately, not even most forms of violence seem to deter him, nor wipe the smile off his face.
"Ninja" Rick is all about ninjas, hence his name. When it comes to ninjas or Asian-based culture in general, he's got a bit of a one track mind. To these ends, Rick likes using "-chan" at random points in conversation, because that's totally how the Japanese talk.
Ultra Car is a grouchy sentient car with a superiority complex. He's high tech, he's state-of-the-art, he's valuable property, and he knows it and proclaims it. Ultra Car won't miss any opportunity to verbally assault the meat people, yesterday's evolutionary news, who surround him. He's not above physical assault, either... or the occasional cream pie assault.
Roz is Robin's plucky young sister and a self-described cam-whore. She's what Robin would be if Robin had boffo people skills, and so Robin hates her greatly. Thankfully, Roz lives on the other side of the country.
