Posted May 15, 2014 at 7:45 pm

I have finally forced myself to talk about this toy.  I bought First Edition Age of Extinction Optimus Prime more than a month ago, maybe two, and owning it put me into a deep depression.  I'm not being hyperbolic.  This thing made me feel sad inside.  For a few days I had trouble getting things accomplished.  I considered punting it out the front door, but then someone neighbor kid might try to have fun with it and that would be too cruel.  

It's not that the thing is simple and meant for younger children.  That would be fine!  A large simple toy for kids that has a quick-and-easy transformation would be a fun toy, even to me as an adult.  Yeah, you wrap the truck parts around the robot to make the truck.  Yeah, you close the lid on him when you're done like he's sitting inside.  Ha ha, big deal.  No, that's not what made me sad.

What made me sad was that the toy failed at being fun and simple.  It's definitely not complex, it succeeded at that -- but it in no way fits together in truck mode in a way that is intuitive or in a way that doesn't try to break physics.  It wants you to fold both his arms behind his chest.  You can't.  They don't both fit.  You have to use some sort of magic to get them to occupy the same space before you start closing the truck parts around him.  It's not fun.  It's anti-fun.  I check the instructions, I tried the toy again, I check the instructions again to see if I'm missing anything... it was a chore.  It took me 45 minutes to figure it out.  And for a toy that's purposefully simple, that's just not good.  

It's also very large and takes up a lot of space, which is all the more aggravating when it doesn't do what it's supposed to do.  It's like a dishwasher that doesn't work, sitting in the middle of your living room.  It's just there, taunting you.  

Also I hate chrome, and this guy's covered in it.