Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Multiplex
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
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©2005-2013 David Willis | Powered by WordPress with ComicPress | Subscribe: RSS | Back to Top ↑
What HASN’T Joe done?
With his penis.
Your mom, but Mike has, for a nickel.
For a nickel.
Proportionally to the number of people in the world(s), the number of people (or, as what implies, nouns in general) is quite small, and wouldn’t even include the majority of known Walkyverse denizens.
Joe had done 2040 women between his birth and 2004. He became interested in girls at age 11 or 12, in sixth grade. Assuming, for the sake of our sanity, he first got laid at 15 or so, and knowing he was 24 in 2004, he’s averaging 226 women a year. Leaving out the years he was with Rachel, and knowing that Joe was back to his old ways by January 2010, we can assume that Joe has since fucked roughly an additional 678 woman, giving us a grand total of 2718.
The world’s population is over six billion–and that’s not accounting for known life forms on Alien, Mars, and whatever the fuck the deal with Melonpool is, in addition to countless alternate universes. 2718 isn’t even an atom in a drop in a bucket.
So the answer, in conclusion, is “Quite a lot, actually.”
“NOT a lot, actually.”
>_<
Overall, Joe< Mike in relation to getting some, based on he has done everyone's mother for a nickel (which, by the way, would be about $150 million, based on a rough estimate of 3 billion mothers in the world*)
*Estimate based on 1/2 Earth's population being women, then shaving off a random number to account for children.
You can’t cap Mike’s number. Most universes have mothers, and given infinite universes…
One wonders how he has time for anything else.
Did you factor in currency exchange?
Considering the amount of ladies Joe has Joe’d is directly proportional to the number of strips Willis has produced in the mulit-Walkyverse, it can be concluded that he will continue to Joe other ladies even after being committed to and having Joe’d Robin as long as Shortpacked! continues. In essence, each new strip will thus correlate to an act of infidelity.
Willis, why you write such assholes?
P.S. I kid, I kid. 8)
P.P.S. Wait, you wrote Mike, so I don’t kid.
P.P.P.S. I have no idea why I wrote any of this garbage comment. I blame tired.
…I actually wanna go back and see if Roomies!/It’s Walky! was actually on strip 2040 when that comment was made.
Although I now find that it’s 2030, which sucks because the entire joke was how unnecessarily in-depth I was going.
A quick hop to the date calculator tells me that 2314 days passed between the beginning of Roomies and this comic, so assuming Willis only skipped roughly 300 days in six years–not unreasonable by any standard–I think it works out.
Soooo basically Joe has so man venereal diseases they’ve cancelled each other out.
That must be the cushiest linoleum floor in town.
Their tailbones are actually in massive pain right now.
Cuz it’s not linoleum. It’s concrete. (Check the colour!)
Well, knowing Galasso it could be linoleum.
It’s glass, so you can see the shark!
……okay, I could ship this. I won’t, because Robin/Leslie OTP, but I’m starting to see it.
im imagining joe as patrick swayze from ghost now. im not sure how to feel about this….
Just so long as it doesn’t result in Whoopi Goldberg making out with anyone, I’m fine with this.
Then they would be “making whoopie!”
DAMN IT, CARLOS!
I’m just imagining them having sex and Leslie and Rachel watching contented like the end of Star Wars.
Lisa from Funky Winkerbean will naturally be watching as well, with that thoughtful look on her face.
D’oh! Sniped!
You had an unfair advantage with the Tardis!
Or like Funky Cancer Cancer!
/cancer incest?
//wait that was the other strip
PIZZA INCEST?!
Except Leslie isn’t dead Yotomoe. ARE YOU FOREWARNING HER DEATH?
Are you from the future?!? -poke-
She’s going to die by killing the emperor right at the nick of time causing both of their deaths…duh.
OHSHI- I forgot about that part. Thanks for reminding me!
Eventually I realized you meant like the ghosts in Jedi.
But I first thought they’d be at a medal ceremony or something.
it works with joe in his beard…he could be chewbacca! and not get a medal! seriously! whats up with that? the rebels were racist man.
I see him more as Obi-Wan with that beard. He is training Jacob in the ways of womanizing.
“Jacob…you must go to the Playboy Mansion…there you will find the poon-hound who trained me.”
Work the shaft you will. Do it or do it not, there is no just the tip.
the force surrounds us…penetrates us…wink wink
Watching us while we do it.
“Life creates it…makes it grow…”
Yeah, now I can never listen to that line again without my mind going bad places.
Binds us???
Kinky.
Only if you don’t use enough lubrication.
Hee hee your avatar, again, makes this perfect
Alas, if only Leslie had stayed a bit longer.
SO CLOSE!
That’s what she said.
Ghost? Did Rachel die?
…Yes?
I mean, the Head Alien doesn’t strike me as the type to take prisoners, but the fact that Joe would even ask Alien!Rachel “where is she” implies that there’s more to it, as does Head Alien taunting him that he’ll “never know.” Law of Conservation of Detail (or something similar) dictates that the possibility of Rachel being elsewhere wouldn’t even be brought up if she was dead.
So I guess the important thing for now is that she’s out of the picture permanently enough that Joe would even consider fishing another one out of alternate universes.
That’s unhealthy.
Don’t tell him how to live his life.
Yeah but Ghost sex is very unhealthy.
Tell that to THIS guy.
Yotomoe, your link only goes to funnyjunk. not sure why.
Second, watch The Dating Guy, and you’ll see that ghost sex is fun, and ghost-on-ghost sex is the only way to get rid of a ghost.
What if you only have the one ghost?
Does someone have to kill themselves to bang it? =/
Roughly 50% of participants are now dead.
Not to mention messy. Ectoplasm everywhere!
Poor leslie, made a move even a hour earlier and she would have been in the clear.
An hour? Try like two seconds.
THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!
Or if she’d stuck around for another couple of minutes as Robin clearly thinks that Lesie has completely moved on at this point.
Yeah, that’s Dramatic Mistiming for you. Eavesdrop ONLY long enough to hear and see the incriminating parts.
Yeah, but she had a LOT of time to make her move. Did I miss something, or was Robin the only one who tried to get back together?
She was, but it was implied she did so to get rid of Malaya, which don’t get me wrong is as good a reason to have sex as any.
But Leslie isn’t a dynamic character, it’s one of her flaws (flaws as a person not as a character), she doesn’t cause things to happen, they just happen to her. So she would have difficulties trying to rekindle anything with Robin, nerves and all.
Also while Robin is the only one who tried to get back together, she’s also the one at fault for all the times they broke up.
So her misunderstanding of the situation is reasonable.
However I can’t see this relationship working, the two of them are just trying to fill a void, its a match made of desperation.
Watch as Shortpacked makes the final leap from “it’s own comic” to “sequel to It’s Walky!”
Well, they share the same ‘verse.
I mean, it kinda is? Maybe? It depends on how you define “sequel”. It’s following up on characters from an older work by transplanting them into a secondary one, so it technically qualifies.
I think the word you are looking for is “spinoff”.
Spin-offs are always sequels, but sequels are not always spin-offs.
Spinoffs are more often sidequels than sequels
Dammit!
Isn’t Ghost Foursome the 4th Casper movie?
There was a 3rd?
There was a 2nd?
Who the hell is Casper?
A child who didn’t listen to his mother and got killed by a truck. Now he plays with everyone and everything, all he wants. Take note kids! Don’t listen to your parents! Play in traffic!
The ghost of a kid whose parents named him for their high school in Amity Park.
TIMING!
if not, then i would like to officially endorse this concept and give it my full support
Way to avert All The Myriad Ways.
I thought that referred to the many ways that you could die.
Nope! It’s basically What Measure Is An Alternate-Universe Counterpart.
Man, I need to re-read that, it has been a long time. Actually I need to fill out my Niven collection in general.
Neeeeeeever change, Joe. Neeeeeeever change.
NO CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT FOR YOU!
Wait, Joe’s still working at SEEME?
SEEME? Are they coordinated with HEARME and FEELME?
(In all seriousness, though, SEMME’s been disbandoned since 2004.)
And has no relation with SEELE. That organization wants to buttfuck the world.
SEELE, however, is affiliated with POSTURPEDIK.
And GGG is related to the ODSG(In SRW W anyways)
Judging from the comic, he works at LOVEMEEEEEEEEEE.
I’m now wondering who is a part of Joe’s ghost foursome.
Joe, Robin, Leslie and Rachel. I thought that was kinda clear.
and the past versions of Joe and Robin for kicks.
In the special edition, Rachel has been replaced with Hayden Christensen.
Dude, I know with the time travel it is hard, but SPOILERS man! That hasn’t come out yet! Although I guess now we know we should skip it and save the money… Wait, does this mean Willis will be taken over by his neck as well?
WOOT!
Let’s see if we can manage to reference EVERY STRIP EVER before this arc ends!
Just so long as Robin and Joe act with integrity they will have no regrets.
…I’m sorry. That was the best I could do.
How did you know? My fvrt rfrnc…
When Joe says how he’s done a ghost foursome before he’s referring to other sexual partners and presumably their ghost partners and I’d just like to know who. Maybe Dina.
Dina… ;_;
And maybe Ruth, too. Who else?
Wait, Joe’s been universe hopping? I smell a Walkyverse/Dumbing of Age crossover fic coming on.
Funny, lovely, and so so sad.
Damn it, David. Y U tell stories good?
I don’t know if I can keep reading this comic. Willis is way too damn good at yanking me around.
Christ, Walky. What did happen with Rachel? That’s still going to be addressed in Joyce & Walky, right? Now that’s all I can think about.
It will be super-addressed.
Is now fabricating a postal-service-themed superhero.
Hmm. So it’s no longer an if they start going at it, but a when.
Does anyone feel like even though this match is awesome, Joe is way too serious these days? I think Robin needs to break him of this super serious mode… let’s hope a little booty will cure him.
Dude, he just joked about ghost foursomes. I dunno what else you want from him.
He had a closet full of librarians. I think the little booty ship has sailed.
As someone workin’ to eventually get into a toy store games section, I’m tickled at the detailed backgrounds near the stockroom.
Man you gotta watch it with them ghost foursomes, those can lead to complications
Ghost foursome = jawsome.
As someone who has been rooting for years for Robin to find love and fulfillment, all I can say is ME GUSTA these latest developments.
GHOST FOURSOME! WOOOOOWWOOOOOOWOOOOOWOOOOOO!!!!
I will be very interested in Joe’s reaction the next time one of Robin’s schemes puts her in the slightest physical danger.
Oh, yeah! That hadn’t even occurred to me. Good call.
Oh!
They are fun.
I approve of this match.
I actually found this strip disturbing and sweet at the same time.
Agreed. It’s that sort of “Awww, they might be able to be happy!… Nope, still lots of sadness.” They just both need hugs. And cookies. Lots of them.
No! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
ARRRGH *flips table over, jumps on shit, has total freak out* No! Not Joe! Not flat, one-dimensional, assaulty Joe! NO
Looking at Joe’s various interactions with Robin over the years, it’s pretty clear he’s NOT one-dimensional. Seems to kind of be the point, actually.
Though I guess it may be easy to come to that conclusion if all you’re going by is his appearances in Shortpacked proper. Then, he’s just “that rich guy with the room full of sexy librarians”.
More like “that very sad rich guy…”
http://www.shortpacked.com/2011/comic/book-13/01-daddy-issues/rachel/
There seems to be a desire to hate on Joe because he is openly and highly sexual. If he were a woman, we’d call that slut shaming and it would be fairly inexcusable.
Looking at Joe’s various interactions with Robin over the years, it’s pretty clear he’s NOT one-dimensional. Seems to kind of be the point, actually.
Well, from the perspective of someone who hasn’t read the Walky saga, it kinda makes sense.
Wait a minute, Willis did just introduce Lucy into the cast right before the wedding stuff. What if she ends up getting together with Leslie? I mean, it is possible. Gay or strieght, the changes made to Starfire in the reboot (especially if you’re most familiar with her cartoon personality) do suck hard.
Stop talking about doing it and just do it!!! My entire week depends on this
“Sallies forth”? Did you just verb a comic strip?
I’m pretty sure “sally forth” was a thing prior to that comic strip.
Just like the term “get off scott free” wasn’t named after DC’s Mister Miracle.
Huh. According to Google “sally forth” means “set out in a sudden, energetic or violent manner.” I did not know that.
I think it’s related (originally) to cavalry charging for what it’s worth…
For the love of the English language I hope you’re joking.
The comic strip title (and character’s name) is a pun on an old idiom.
I note he doesn’t actually answer the question, he just leaps into a non sequitur of “because science fiction, there are ways to get another one of my dead girlfriend, but I won’t”.
I can only assume the mention of parallel universes is relevant to It’s Walky! somehow, especially since we just had established for us that Mike was replaced via cloning. (Thus establishing that death holds no meaning if the dead guy is good joke material, but death is for real if it’s dramatic. There’s probably a TV Tropes page like that somewhere.)
Also, for some reason, I imagine Robin trying to find a parallel universe Ethan that is straight so she can finally bang him.
No, no, there’s logic at play here. The resurrection machines work in a very specific way and the government has one of them. Some other company has one thanks to Joyce. The Martians have the rest and they hate us. Basically, it’s an availability issue. Plus, you need that person’s DNA–Joyce was very lucky to have Mike’s blood on her.
Parallel universes are more relevant to Joyce and Walky!, in which the villain is an AU version of It’s Walky! big bad Head Alien, and various offsprings of different potential pairings from the future end up in the main continuity. It has absolutely nothing to do with how resurrection works.
The parallel universes are more relevant to
Well, this series seems to have suddenly become a sequel to Joyce and Walky!, so parallel universes are now relevant in this strip too.
God damn you, Willis!
Leslie walked away a comic too early…
Incidentally, this is fun, damning you every day. I haven’t been this engaged with the Walkyverse in years…
even if robin is doing joe out of pity she really should after her scheme is done try and beg and see if she and leslie can have that happy ending after all. for why look for alternate version when the real one is right there hurt and looking for some payback sex with some one
“In another another universe I’m also Picards Number 1 and…”