Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Multiplex
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
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So, are they going to bang in front of Malaya and everyone else? That’d be kind of funny.
Man. Ken is so painfully Nice Guy (R) that he seems to be squicking out even Connie!
Have we ever seen Connie treated as anythign other than a group of sex holes?
She’s also a successful and shrewd businesswoman.
Last we saw her business approach was ‘but things and you can stick it in me’.
Okay so she’s good at giving and getting the screw over, gotcha.
Briefly. AFTER Ethan had sex with her for the sake of a promotion, he seemed to actually show some concern. Nothing huge, but apparently more than she was used to, since it helped her decide to tell Galasso to fuck off some time later.
Yea but that spark of humanity hasn’t impacted her dating habits, and she looks upset that she got a rose. I can see the comedy in extreme character types but the recent conversation with Galasso has indicated she’s more than stereotype which has tipped it over into being sad instead of funny. I think I’m now pulling for Ken to show her what a real life is. Go Ken, don’t let us down!
She got the rose AFTER the flowers, chocolate, and Applebee’s gift card. There’s “Oh, what’s this” or something and then there’s “Um, overkill?” She seemed happy with just the bouquet.
A wise man once said, “anything worth doing is worth overdoing.”
Conquest’s expression in Panel 5! She just then realizes what a bad idea this is.
at first I thought she was realizing a that he was a nice guy who actually cares about her past sex…but then…
Ken isn’t a nice guy, he’s a “nice guy.”
Based on what? He doesn’t even want to have sex with Connie and he’s acting this way. She told him she wanted sex for free with no work on his part. How does he fit the “nice guy” paradigm in any way?
He’s going to screw a stranger in the hopes it’ll make a friend jelous? He ignores the fact that she’s clearly not into him? He thinks if he keeps at it hard enough she’ll come around?
That sounds like a nice guy…isn’t that what every romantic comedy has taught us for like…80 years?
No, romantic comedies teach us that the more you hate someone the more likely you are to eventually wind up with them, that if you start the story with a fiance, he or she will be a complete jerk who it’s hard to imagine you ever liking in the first place, and that Meg Ryan is the only woman in the world who can pull off that haircut.
Movies and TV in general teach that opposites attract. That the less you have in common with someone, the more you will be drawn to them — even if you don’t think you like them much and fight with them all the time — because they in some way completes you, and make you a whole person, which you didn’t realize you weren’t already until then.
They also teach that harboring secret crushes on someone — for months or even years — is sweet and romantic, and in no way obsessive and creepy. As is plotting elaborate schemes to win the attention and hopefully favor of the other person. Indeed, in movies and on TV, it usually ends up working, because the other person inevitably realizes they felt the same way all along.
This is definitely what Ken believes will happen if he keeps plugging away.
Do not take relationship lessons from romantic comedies. Girls With Slingshots did an entire story about that.
The Onion version of that was “Man arrested for romantic comedy behaviour.”
The website linked defined “nice guys” as somehow expecting sex in return for pampering. That’s not what Ken’s doing…at best he’s doing the inverse.
As for Malaya, I really don’t see how him harboring an unrequited crush on her makes him a fake nice guy. Stupid, soitenly, but fake nice? No.
There’s a difference between “I’ve tried to make myself into something that you could fall in love with, why hasn’t it worked?” and “I’m such a nice guy I should be irresistible to you, why aren’t you bouncing on my dick yet?”
Both of which are incredibly creepy >_>
The inherent assumption that first one is that A) You know what she wants better than she does, and B) You are owed an explanation when A turns out not to be true. Neither of which are correct.
And the idea that you can “make yourself” into some a particular person would fall in love with is a ridiculous notion. At best you’re stuck in a relationship where someone is faking their personality so you can stay together.
…I’m…honestly bothered by the fact this is a thing…
Mostly because it makes me question myself…
That’s always a good place to start.
Welcome to the club.
Oh yeah, it’s a thing. I’ve definitely met a few guys like this. Ken’s really not, though. He’s a clueless dumbass, but he doesn’t expect anything of Malaya and doesn’t seem to think anything’s wrong with her for not liking him. In fact, he’s kinda oblivious to the fact that she’s a total jerk (which, yes, I say for reasons totally unrelated to her not liking him).
I see no reason to call him a “nice guy”. The dude is nice enough even if he’s broken when it comes to love.
She might be wondering if he assumes this could be more than a night of banging.
Ken, Conquest just wants the sex. JUST DO HER, MAN.
It’s all in the preparation folks.
Preparation H.
Come now, we expect better than that from you by now.
My comedy has its ebb and flow I guess.
Believe it or not, that’s the sort of thing I would do.
Ken probably just blew a paycheck and a half on this shit.
Oh, Ken.
Way to assume what a girl wants.
In fairness, he does look handsome.
So…not Applebees, then? Would TGI Fridays be acceptable?
I think cash maybe? You know so Conquest can decide what she wants instead of just food?
Do you give it to her up front, or leave it on the nightstand?
Kenquest shall be the new Brangelina.
Somehow Kenquest sounds like a video game.
Where you dodge flowers, chocolates, and Applebee’s gift cards as Conquest on your way to do the sex with Ken.
That sounds like one of those Atari porn games the AVGN reviewed.
The Kenquest of Malaya
Ken Quest sound like a model/archaeologist/spy who goes on adventures in the remote ruins of ancient civilizations.
I’m honestly expecting Malaya+Conquest somehow out of all this.
Conlaya or Malquest?
Malquest, makes it sound more evil.
once again, if Malaya hooks up with Conquest, Leslie will hate her forever.
PS. Chest Window.
Didn’t notice that.
It gets covered up pretty rapidly by all the gifts.
Conquest is Power Girl!
DOA Daisy will be so disappointed when she finds out she lives in the wrong universe.
…there’s a Conquest in DOA
We don’t see much of her.
We hadn’t seen Conquest for years before now.
Her pizza waitress uniform doesn’t include a boob window. Sadly.
Galasso is clearly missing a huge promotional opportunity. Maybe alternate Galasso is somehow less of a dick.
I think the DOA Galasso is slightly less insane. He might even understand where babies come from.
The breast kind of window
What kind of boob would disagree?
I’ll make sure to keep abreast of the situation
it is a very titilating arrangement
I love that there is no question mark in her last line. She’s not asking. She’s basically saying “If you aren’t inside me within 30 seconds there’s going to be trouble.”
I don’t then that even works as a statement but it is fitting.
Correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t a bouquet of flower defeat the purpose of getting a single rose?
Maybe the single rose is for biting?
Have you ever done the tango without a rose? It’s like eating spaghetti without the sauce.
Is there still cheese? Because that’s delicious!
“Ooh. A wed wose. How owdinawy.” ~ Lili Von Shtupp
Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethaw today.
…CROSSOVER FIC.
NOW.
Actually, Lili Von Shtupp liked the single red rose as it was from Sherrif Bart and she was trying to seduce him. Hedley brought her an entire bouquet, and that’s what she called ordinary.
>.> I have seen that movie entirely too many times.
But you can’t really see that movie too many times.
Agreed. It should be required viewing at least Quarterly. I’m… a little behind in that.
As for the rose, I never really paid attention to the single/bouquet part. It was more that she was there to seduce Sheriff Bart, so she said something nice, but doesn’t really like Hedy, er Headly, that much and so was free to cut him down.
You know… maybe Connie just wants some schnitzelgruben?
Yes. That is the point. Ken is an idiot.
I wonder if anyone’s ever tried to actually romance Connie before. Even Ethan, who at least seemed to respect her a little, basically jumped in the sack with her immediately.
…what is Conquest wearing? PowerGirl-inspired formal wear?
I wanted to say the same thing but thought it wise to browse the other comments first. bingo. lol
*FACEPALM*
Straight up Nice guy moves. Presents? WTF? She’s RICH.
Ken has NO GAME.
To be fair, I’d imagine rich people still appreciate the thought that goes into a gift.
They do, but thought didn’t go into those gifts.
To be fair, if Malaya is the only woman Ken has interacted with for so long, his game is going to be virtually nonexistent for at least his first few dozen dates.
ken know’s wassup, all the women get wet for applebees lol
It took everything in me to not jump him…and I’m a straight guy.
The man is going to weep and beg forgiveness for using her before that window expands.
Poor fool.
The chest window?
Ken seems to be uncomfortable with no strings attached sex.
Connie seems to be uncomfortable with badly overly done stereotypical woo-ing efforts.
Law of averages is she probably slept with a few people who use this approach.
I don’t think Ken is aware enough to be actively driving her away. Connie is a sweetheart but I doubt she fucks around the matter.
Considering how much she likes fucking around, that’s saying something
But never around the matter! XD Only full frontal… or back… or sides…
Oh, Ken, you smooth, smooth operator…
The Applebee’s gift cards always work for me.
Bitches love Applebee’s.
Ah, I see Conquest has also read Zapp Brannigan’s book on “How to Throw Sex At Someone”.
It’s his next top bestseller right after “Zapp Brannigan’s Big Book of War”
Ken: “Conquest, I have a confession to make. Uh, you… were my first.”
Conquest: “Really? Oh, that’s sweet. Let’s see. You were my uh… I don’t know, 3,000 something.”
Ken: *Raises hand to give a high five* “Word up.”
I can’t see Ken being cool enough to use hip slang like “word up”…but then…just him saying that will make it even more dated of an expression than it already is.
Conquest isn’t old enough to make a reference to “Grandma’s Boy” work.
“Word up” hasn’t been hip in like a decade. It’s perfect for Ken.
You now have me wondering who’s had more sex, Joe or Conquest.
They’re perfect for each other, in any case.
And this is why “Friendzone” was invited
Also for people who can’t spell in their native language.
Because of bizarre dating behavior?
Ehh. Friend zoning usually happens before a date can even happen, let alone an arranged time for sex.
Friendzoning is just a phrase that needs to die already. The implication of being designated as “Friend” instead of “sexual partner” as being “failure” is just damaging to freaking everybody. Sure, there are some guys who do view sex as a conquest, but that stupid word tends to carry an implication that relationships are a game that is “won or lost” by performing the proper actions, and that doing the right thing should always result in victory (read:sex).
It puts way too much pressure of both sides.
Think he’s trying to salve his conscience for using her, to make a girl who dosn’t care anyway notice him?
I think Ken was hitting evey date gift cliche he’d seen in a movie. Except the gift card. You could tell he was proud of that one.
She just wants a one-night stand, all the excessive gifts make it seem that Ken wants more thus explaining the look on her face.
He gonna pull a Danny, is he?
Someone needs to turn a hose on Ken.
I’d say Ken has filled his quota of hos
Why is there a distinct lack of question marks when people are asking questions in this and recent strips.
I don’t use question marks when the question’s rhetorical.
He didn’t use a question mark, you fell into his trap!
Rhetorical, eh? Eight!
He should’ve stopped at the flowers.
I must say in his position I’d be nervous as hell, but maybe this is just his way of hiding it.
Conquest dislikes being reminded that she is only America’s second-favorite neighbor.
LOL. Good show.
Conquest looks like she’s borrowing Power Girl’s top :O
Ha, I was just going to say the same thing!
And then Malaya walks by. “Wait, you’ve got Applebees gift cards? Why didn’t you say so?! Kiss me, you fine hunk of man!”
And then Connie’s like “uh uh, I saw him first!” And suddenly Ken, the guy no one cares about, now has the hottest chick in creation and a modestly hot chick fighting over him. And nice guys win forever.
This reminds me of “Easy A”, except Connie will actually do the deed, and not just say she did.
Oh lordy
Ken needs to really get a swat on the head
THIS ISN’T TRANSACTIONAL, SHE JUST WANTS SEX
yeaaaaaaaaaaaah
No, no, no, see, he brought the requisite tokens, and that now grants him one (1) instance of sex.
think ken went a little over kill with all the gifts the flowers and the candy should have been enough he could of saved the apple bees card and rose for next date. now the fun conquest and him doing the wild thing.
Watch as Conquest falls for the one guy who has ever treated her as more than just an easy lay.
But she just wants him to be an easy lay. She clearly just wants the lays, why would she care how they act so long as it doesn’t turn her off?
Hey, people usually find love where they aren’t looking for it. Maybe she will fall for him.
Or, you know, get turned off with his over-the-top attention and leave. Either way.
Something tells me, though, that Robin will freak the hell out with the expansion of the Love Dodecahedron that’s happened lately, and that’s always fun. So yeah, mark me down for Conquest/Ken.
And it could get us to some Drama Tag stuff for the fifteenth.
Why are we missing the last 3 strips?
Ok good, so It’s not just me. I’m guessing Mr. Willis got some pretty negative feedback about the last few pages, or just decided they were too much? I only saw the two after this (him introducing Conquest to the girl, the girl hearing them, and… apparently I missed one).
Ah, if you click the image you are sent to the next page, even though they’re disabled:
http://www.shortpacked.com/2012/comic/book-14/04-proposition-for-69k/knock/
http://www.shortpacked.com/2012/comic/book-14/04-proposition-for-69k/mistakes-2/
http://www.shortpacked.com/2012/comic/book-14/04-proposition-for-69k/marks/
That is a bad guess. I can see the pages fine. Dunno what the problem is.