if i had a time machine I would make money on the stock market. But that might lead to doubles, more time machines, a shotgun and a giant building in France that is a time machine.
Because you totally step on a butterfly and magic waves magically transform things into other things because you’ve changed the course of evolution or some shit that is TOTALLY scientific and not stupid or missing the point and cities are now filled with vines and jungles which totally makes sense!
Then come the Catfish people!
ALL BECAUSE OF TIME TRAVEL!!! DO YOU WANNA BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT!?
Time Travel is basically an excuse for people to be awful to one another. “All of existence is at stake, I can be a total bastard!”
Why do you think so many alternate timelines end in Nazis? Because time travel — with enough pressure over a long enough time — turns everyone into Nazis.
If someone materialized in my office in a time machine and told me they were from the future and I needed to change the colors on my action figures, I’d probably do it.
I know my Time Machine makes it; although it occasionally plays the Doctor Who Theme well it does so… which is odd as I don’t really watch the show; maybe it comes standard with that?
HG Wells brings a tear to my ears that can only be cleared by sonic blasting them or remembering a movie where a guy keeps trying get into bed with his mum or ancestors who look like his mum. That’s either creepy or Marty just wanted to shout at his past self “I fucked your mum” OMG Marty McFly is Mike’s brother, has to be true.
What Ethan fails to realize is that when he made that change in the past, the toy the collector was holding wouldn’t stay the same. Instead, it would be silver and black and red. Because Hasbro lives to make its customers unhappy! /mindset of guy holding toy
Are you guys new to Shortpacked or something? Since 2007 or so Walky (through Ethan) has been making fun of the sort of stupid comments you see in the fandom (and elsewhere) attacking Bay, attacking the movies in lazy ways, attacking the look of the movie Transformer characters ect.
I’m not new, I’m just jaded. Plus, I would rather see Joss Whedon direct a Transformers movie. After seeing The Avengers, he made me a believer that he could actually do the Transformers franchise properly.
More accurately, Ethan likes Transformers, and doesn’t have a *VERY SPECIFIC VIEW* on what Transformers “should” be, unlike the hordes of people who tend to bitch about these movies.
As for Whedon, I’m of the opinion that any director choice fans think of are the wrong ones. The last one was Christopher Nolan, which, quite frankly, is a bad choice. And besides, it turns out that Nolan is a big fan of Michael Bay anyway.
Because Ethan doesn’t see any reason to want to stop Michael Bay. He liked the Transformers live action movies. What he hates is the negative opinions of the films and Bay voiced by some fans.
No, based on this, what Ethan would do is go to Sunbow and convince them to make the 80′s Transformers cartoon look just like Bay’s movies, so the negative fans would then see the movies as “classic.”
OF course, like the scenario depicted, it assumes that Hasbro and bay wouldn’t see the revised “classic” designs and colors as “dated” and insist they have to be chanced to appeal to a “modern” audience.
No, no. She’d never get to see Fisher in her prime, she’d be too busy.
What you want is her just after her prime, when the drugs hadn’t yet done a number on her looks and she’s just desperate enough to accept the proposition.
Man, I know that feeling! I want to insert some of the new MotUC 30th anniversary figures into the vintage line so people will stop bitching about new things. I can’t believe people are so unaccepting of crazy crap in a toyline so FULL of ridiculous things.
Having given this issue lots of thought off and on over the last few months, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I had a time machine, I would use it to go back in time and prevent the death of Bruce Lee.
I think I’d go back in time and hit whoever put that “no man shall sleep with another man” or whatever crap in the bible and then I’d throw in “Jesus loved sleeping with dudes.”
wouldn’t change anything.
There will always be a way to interpret some random bit of many-times-translated text to mean whatever you have already decided.
That isn’t REMOTELY a sportscar from a defunct company founded in 1978!
Though the role cocaine may have played in the creation of each is compelling.
It’s a sportscar from a defunct company founded in 1978, with a chameleon circuit. Obviously.
How did he get hold of the Master’s TARDIS?
A dastardly plan involving magnets.
&^&%ing dastards, how do they work??
Well, it seems silly to me of course, but then, I WENT TO SCHOOL!
An’ I don’ wanna talk to a scientist! Y’all muthafuckaz lyin’, an’ gettin’ me pissed!
Oh, ICP. The epitome of self-caricature.
wait wait wait, a time machine disguised as a time machine?
… who would suspect?
DELOREAN!
I use a time machine to change my life.
Everyone had a pornstache in the 80′s.
Well, they are trying to compete with Tom Selleck’s stache at the time.
But somebody needs to tell John Stossel that the look is over.
Whelp, you figured out the 42nd thing I would do with a time machine. People can make up what ever else I would do with a time machine.
Travel to the FIRST taco bell and be their first customer. You would eat the first taco.
Huh. Never seen Delorean used as a sound effect before.
Kris Straub already uses “TIME!” so I had to find something else.
You could probably have gotten away with “TARDIS!”, “PHONEBOOTH!” or “WIBBLYWOBBLY!”…?
I don’t think Willis dabbles that much in the Whodom.
But I’ll be using those someday.
CHRONOLOGY!
Shouldn’t traveling forward again be “LOREAN!” instead of “deloran” flipped?
Or possibly “RE-LOREAN!”
That is far funnier!
Because the customer is always right, retroactively!
A) Which toy is this?
B) Is there something… off about the art? It still looks like Willis, but… I dunno, different somehow?
And just what Transformer did Ethan change so it has a yellow and green color scheme?
Depends on if there were any Autobots with an Australian accent or not.
*sings* Glory to Australia / Glory to the green and gold / We’ve come a long way since Botany Baaaay / and we’re nearly 200 years old.
Actually, Australia celebrated its bicentenary back in 1988.
I’m aware of that. That song is old. Possibly as old as I am *was born in ’88*
Ethan needs to prioritize better. I’m sure that should be at least 10th on the list of things to do with a time machine.
That time machine looks just like THE Time Machine. Nice reference, Willis.
Still, I woulda preferred a phone box.;)
Dude. Police box.
Dude, TARDIS.
Dude, she’s called “Sexy” now.
Did you wish reeeeeally hard?
Shut up you!…..
Maybe Doctor_Who is a big Bill & Ted fan?
I am, actually. It’s the second best franchise to feature time traveling phone boxes ever!
Then they’d just complain about silver and black XD
Nice to see you go with another iconic time machine since you’ve covered the Delorean before.
if i had a time machine I would make money on the stock market. But that might lead to doubles, more time machines, a shotgun and a giant building in France that is a time machine.
Time travel is dangerous!
Because you totally step on a butterfly and magic waves magically transform things into other things because you’ve changed the course of evolution or some shit that is TOTALLY scientific and not stupid or missing the point and cities are now filled with vines and jungles which totally makes sense!
Then come the Catfish people!
ALL BECAUSE OF TIME TRAVEL!!! DO YOU WANNA BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT!?
The last time I time-traveled, Sarah Palin was born, I’m not game enough to try again.
Wow; the scenario I described is by far less insane and disturbing than what you caused…
How do you live with yourself!!?
One day at a time, one day at a time…
So, what, you fucked her mom? Mike, is that you?
Don’t look at me, I never even touched her mum.
Time Travel is basically an excuse for people to be awful to one another. “All of existence is at stake, I can be a total bastard!”
Why do you think so many alternate timelines end in Nazis? Because time travel — with enough pressure over a long enough time — turns everyone into Nazis.
“No, Per, you are the supervillains.”
And then Per Degaton was a Nazi.
So? Basic mechanics and heat 101.
Just as long as you dont end up trapped in a loop on a boat killing different versions of yourself your ahead in my book!
Interesting that he can get past security to get into brainstorming meetings at Hasbro in the 1980s.
Hasbro of the 1980s was renowned for their guard dogs and trap doors into alligator pits.
I think I had that playset.
I think he just warped to the meeting room.
And if you appear out of nowhere and give advice people always listen – just how things work…
Basic rule of time travel. Having psychic paper helps, though.
If someone materialized in my office in a time machine and told me they were from the future and I needed to change the colors on my action figures, I’d probably do it.
Ethan (and his incredibly sexy graying hair) is just so sexy when he’s bein’ all geeky!
Did you all know he’s gay!? And sexy?
And his hair is graying!? Which makes him more sexy!?
Yeah…
I’m totally losing everyone here so I’ll start from the beginning.
Ethan (and his incredibly sexy graying hair) is just so sexy when he’s being all geeky!?
Did you know…
[Creepily strokes his Ethan toy]
[Creepily strokes his Ethan toy]
QFT
So I was close! I knew it’d have -something- to do with Transformers Toys!
Or it has to do with GIJoe. For all we know, Ethan’s time travelling is why Airtight is a character in yellow and green now.
Best unsound effect ever!
That’s the only sound effect a time machine can make.
I know my Time Machine makes it; although it occasionally plays the Doctor Who Theme well it does so… which is odd as I don’t really watch the show; maybe it comes standard with that?
I should probably get it checked out…
Really? Mine says “PAST” or “FUTURE” in a vaguely robot-y voice. Then again, my time machine is basically a road sign.
What, no blue police box?
So that’s why Ethan’s hair is graying so fast, it’s all the time-travel he has being doing.
But they would still complain, Ethan! You just. Can’t. Win!
I’d kill Ayn Rand.
I fully support you in this endeavor.
Well, I think we’re all agreed. Ethan never gets a time machine because he’d squander it in the most petty ways imaginable.
It’s funny because it’s not a Delorean yet sounds like one.
I got a question about the mechanics of the strip. Is the grey in Ethan’s hair just shading, or is he actually getting old?
He’s…I wouldn’t say old.
But it’s intentional, yes.
Ethan’s hair has had this curious greyness for… a year? At least?
It is a mystery.
Working in retail will do that to you, if you stick around for long.
HG Wells brings a tear to my ears that can only be cleared by sonic blasting them or remembering a movie where a guy keeps trying get into bed with his mum or ancestors who look like his mum. That’s either creepy or Marty just wanted to shout at his past self “I fucked your mum” OMG Marty McFly is Mike’s brother, has to be true.
Pshaw! What a trivial use of a time machine! See I’d go back to Hasbro in the 80s and force them to produce that second year of Visionaries figures.
Harmless time-traveling.
I haven’t been reading this comic as long as everyone else, most likely, but I have been reading for awhile, and have read every strip.
So far, this is my most favorite strip. Thank you.
What Ethan fails to realize is that when he made that change in the past, the toy the collector was holding wouldn’t stay the same. Instead, it would be silver and black and red. Because Hasbro lives to make its customers unhappy! /mindset of guy holding toy
Ether that or he would still be complaining about the yellow and green, like they are the wrong shade or some crap like that.
I can’t think of any uses for a time machine that wouldn’t be just as asinine as this one.
Love’s Labors Won.
I’m convinced that was just Shakespeare trolling future English Lit majors.
Fine, rescuing the lost Doctor Who episodes.
Easily as important as a lost Shakespeare play.
And yet he didn’t warn anyone about giving some guy named “Michael Bay” access to directing the Transformers franchise… I r disappoint.
Not necessary. I’m sure his next trip will be to go back and kill Bay before he can get his hands on it.
Then he gets back to present day and the first thing he passes is a poster for Uwe Boll’s Transformers.
Cue “NOOOOO!” and closing narration by Rod Serling.
You have an EVIL mind.
Just wait until he sees the poster for Seltzer And Friedberg’s Go-Bots!
You say that as if Bay isn’t just as bad a director as Boll, only with bigger budgets >_>
Are you guys new to Shortpacked or something? Since 2007 or so Walky (through Ethan) has been making fun of the sort of stupid comments you see in the fandom (and elsewhere) attacking Bay, attacking the movies in lazy ways, attacking the look of the movie Transformer characters ect.
I’m well aware of that. Just because Ethan likes bad movies doesn’t mean I have to.
(First one was tolerable, actually, but 2nd and 3rd are crap).
I’m not new, I’m just jaded. Plus, I would rather see Joss Whedon direct a Transformers movie. After seeing The Avengers, he made me a believer that he could actually do the Transformers franchise properly.
More accurately, Ethan likes Transformers, and doesn’t have a *VERY SPECIFIC VIEW* on what Transformers “should” be, unlike the hordes of people who tend to bitch about these movies.
As for Whedon, I’m of the opinion that any director choice fans think of are the wrong ones. The last one was Christopher Nolan, which, quite frankly, is a bad choice. And besides, it turns out that Nolan is a big fan of Michael Bay anyway.
Hey, having “anyone but Uwe Boll” as a director fan-choice isn’t wrong, ever. It’s just common sense.
Forget Whedon. He I think he’d make a better GI Joe film then Transformers.
I wanted Brad Bird to direct Transformers…
Whedon directing GI Joe? Hmm. I’d buy a ticket to that. I’d also settle for him directing a GI Joe/Transformers live action crossover film.
Because Ethan doesn’t see any reason to want to stop Michael Bay. He liked the Transformers live action movies. What he hates is the negative opinions of the films and Bay voiced by some fans.
No, based on this, what Ethan would do is go to Sunbow and convince them to make the 80′s Transformers cartoon look just like Bay’s movies, so the negative fans would then see the movies as “classic.”
OF course, like the scenario depicted, it assumes that Hasbro and bay wouldn’t see the revised “classic” designs and colors as “dated” and insist they have to be chanced to appeal to a “modern” audience.
Ethan doesn’t have a beef with Michael Bay, but Jason Atwood does so he should be wary of lending his time machine to him.
If the strip had continued a few more panels, Leslie would respond with what she would do with a time machine.
It involves whipped cream and Carrie Fisher in her prime.
No, no. She’d never get to see Fisher in her prime, she’d be too busy.
What you want is her just after her prime, when the drugs hadn’t yet done a number on her looks and she’s just desperate enough to accept the proposition.
I love that Delorean is now a sound effect for TIME TRAVEL!!!
And I love the ’80′s mustaches on the toy designers.
There’s a lot to love here.
Does anyone else frame “Delorean” in their head accompanied by the old justice league cartoon transition sound?
No but I did hear the Batman-TV series transition sound.
Man, I know that feeling! I want to insert some of the new MotUC 30th anniversary figures into the vintage line so people will stop bitching about new things. I can’t believe people are so unaccepting of crazy crap in a toyline so FULL of ridiculous things.
It’s… it’s beautiful, man
So did you have a particular figure in mind when writing this?
Wait, how do we know this hasn’t already happened?
It’s precisely why the G1 Predacons are Playskool yellow, orange, and red.
That’s my favorite thing about Predaking! I thank whoever was behind that.
And now I’m imagining a Transformer that changes into a time machine.
http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Swindler
Why has this not been remade/homaged/etc etc? I mean, I know why– licensing– but c’mon, this should totally happen.
Just think: [i]Human Alliance Swindler[/i].
*See’s all the HG Wells Time Machine references*
Wow I…I thought that was the Time Machine from Phenias & Ferb.
“Why are all these transforming robots so blocky? These Geewun versions are bricks” *turns on Time Machine*
BY FAR my favorite thing in this comic is every male from the ’80s having a mustache. Wonder why they didn’t sniff out Ethan.
Don’t see what’s wrong with yellow and green. Did Ethan sit in on a meeting about Springer? (The robot, not Jerry.)
Any colour that’s not a dark shade and “safe” (from a design perspective) is considered to be hideous and “neon” by the fandom.
Fans are dumb.
Having given this issue lots of thought off and on over the last few months, I’ve come to the conclusion that if I had a time machine, I would use it to go back in time and prevent the death of Bruce Lee.
I think I’d go back in time and hit whoever put that “no man shall sleep with another man” or whatever crap in the bible and then I’d throw in “Jesus loved sleeping with dudes.”
wouldn’t change anything.
There will always be a way to interpret some random bit of many-times-translated text to mean whatever you have already decided.
I only remember that Hasbro logo from old G1 cartoons.
Yet I still can’t figure out what the FUCK it’s supposed to be!