Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Multiplex
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
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that’s an abuse of power I could get behind
lol “I could get behind” I would love to get behind batman! and his power
That is such an AWESOME IDEA.
This must be Youtubed.
Smylex, anyone?
I want to marry this Batman.
So do I. Do we share him or do we bet him on a “rock-paper-scissors” contest ?
I do believe I called it first. Therefore in the sacred tradition of finders keepers I get to marry him and you do not. Better luck on the next fictional bachelor that Willis’ deconstructs for our amusement.
I don’t mean to rain on your parade, but… dibs!
Power of dibs. Mine now.
Hey, now — this is a well-adjusted, well-medicated Batman. HE IS ABLE TO MAKE THE DECISION FOR HIMSELF. You’re going to each have to ask him on a date and let him decide who he wants to marry. You’ll probably each at least get dinner and a movie out of it.
Isn’t there a reality tv show about rich batchelors that go on dates with a bunch of women and then choose?
….hmm, in light of recent legislation, I wonder if there will be seasons with men AND women competing for bisexual billionare heirs.
there already was. see “a shot at love with tilla tequila”. then shoot yourself in the face. it’s the only cure for watching that show.
I’d watch The Bat-Bachelor.
Hey, I would just like this Batman to know that I will put out for him. 2nd base on the first date!
I believe keepers V. weepers might not be the legal precedent you think it is.
This hurts my sooouuuul
I would totally read a Batman title like this.
Clearly you haven’t seen the best episode of Brave and the Bold.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuF1dOM1Kpc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnjXklGIp5Q
WOO I’M BATMAN, AW YEAH.
I think think the very fabric of existence just snapped…
no, just alfred’s sanity.
SURPRISE BUTTSE- err BATMAN!
This is probably for the best… :/
This reminds me of the episode of The Batman where he lost his memory.
Except he forgot he was Batman entirely.
Your Alfried is adorable.
Oh god. Embarrassing typo is embarrassing.
So he’s a Thundercats fan? Let’s see, if Bruce is eternally between the ages of 30 and 35, and Thundercats aired in 1984…
Yeah, that’s about right. Shit, I’m catching up. I really don’t want to read Batman comics a decade from now and think of him as a kid.
*imagines Bruce Wayne as a kid watching Biker Mice From Mars and Sailor Moon*
Hell no. Best stuff on in the early 90s was Animaniacs and Batman the Ani-
Well, if we’re going to go into recursion territory, I bet young Jack Ryder grew up watching Freakazoid.
Animaniacs seems more like the sort of show the Joker would watch.
He was a Beavis and Butthead fan. Harley Quinn is a bit younger, and watched the spin-off Daria. Brittany was her idol, and she based her whole look, voice, and personality on her.
Meanwhile, Ambush Bug was off watching Samurai Pizza Cats…
Harley Quinn is a bit younger, and watched the spin-off Daria
Harley Quinn watched Degrassi, there is no other possible answer here.
I am gonna give you a tip: if you are ever a test, and one of the questions is:
#) Name a television program which could reasonably cause a girl who watches it to fall in love with a murderously psychotic man in a clown costume
Then the answer you give is:
Degrassi
Because that is the answer that will cause you to be correct.
Harley Quinn isn’t Canadian though. . .Seriously, I never heard of Degrassi until I was 20.
But once he gets into the late 90′s, he’ll have grown up watching Gargoyles. And that just fits so well.
…and as a bonus, gargoyles kinda look like bats, thus providing more fuel for when his parents were killed in carjacking.
What?? You don’t need to update mugging. Mugging is totally still a thing.
Yeah, but it was at an opera, and didn’t those die in the 70s?
IT WAS THE MARK OF ZORRO DAMMIT! Wait, make Bats young enough and that becomes the Banderas “Mask of Zorro”. Argh.
What if it were ‘Zorro, the Gay Blade’?
@CWR, that could explain why he liked having teenage boy sidekicks around so much.
Man they were well-dressed for seeing Mark of Zorro.
About the opera, when I worked in Chicago I saw a pretty huge Opera house. So no, it would be reasonable for rich people to see an Opera in a city like Gotham at any year.
Considering it was a movie, yes they were dressed nice, but they’re super rich doctors. It’s not like they’re gonna wear a T shirt or polos. *Shrug*
I’ve got a thundercats t-shirt, and I’ve never watched the show.
(Well, I tried to watch an episode after getting the shirt for free, but it was just too daft. Still keeping the shirt though, it looks nice. In fact wearing it now.)
Are we sure that’s not Dick?
So Bruce is going to sneak up on him while he’s lying in wait for the pizza guy? That would be awesome.
Bruce Wayne blushing? GIDDY?
Uh… now make one with young Reed Richards and Doom at a frat party, please?
Seconded… No WAIT! Magneto and Xavier.
I’ll have what he’s having!
I am not surprised that Batman likes Thundercats. Always gave a furry vibe. Right on.
Hasn’t he attempted a regular life alongside his duties, much like most people with a job.
Panthro had Bat-phobia. (/useless fact)
That would make a great crossover.
Where is the +1 button??
That’s why he likes Catwoman so much. He’s the closest he’ll ever get to screwing Cheetara.
She’s. She’s the closest. Although, now that Catman is bi, I suppose it opens up the possibility…
What about WW’s arch-villian Cheetah?
Four-way AWW YEAH
Really?
Sorry, code didn’t post.
Really?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hedIHx_Srbg
I give. Html has bested me again.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey hey hey, Batman was just trying to trick her to get free by exploiting Cheetah’s weakness.
I mean just because a grown man who lives in his parent’s house, hangs out in their basement, dresses up like a bat, and shows interest in a woman dressed like a cat, that doesn’t mean-…….OH SH-
(joke shamelessly stolen from the Nonadventures of Wonderella ^_^)
Seems like when Bruce put them in him lie a Russian nesting doll he got some of their personality… Well Dicks at least.
He got some of their dicks?!
I’m trying to figure out whether this was a typo or you really meant all that innuendo.
Yes.
Apparently, in the current DC Comics continuity(Since the New 52 Line began this year), Batman has only been active for 5 years. Since he started being Batman in his early 20′s, this puts him at being a couple years shy of 30.
So guess what Ethan? Now you’re older than BATMAN, too.
I think he’s been active for ten, but the first five of those he was considered an urban legend and wasn’t known to exist. This allows Superman to still be the first “known” superhero while letting Batman keep his 30 Robins.
Shouldn’t that be the 47 Robins?
Not 72 Robins? (oops – that’s 72 virgins – or were these Robins virgins at the time??)
I think you’re confusing 31 Flavors with Baskin Robins. Happens to me all the time.
Actually Batman has been active for 20 years but only active in the Light and on the JL for 5 years.
Wade, you have a source for 20 years? I’ve only ever heard 10.
whoops meant 10 years.
I’m out of touch with the Batman trivia. What’s with the giant penny?
I couldn’t say comic books wise, but in B:TAS there was a heist where Two-Face ties Batman to a giant penny, and I guess whoever owned said penny just let him keep it in the Batcave.
Either it’s been there since the Silver Age, or it’s another touch the comic writers added as a nod to the show.
If by out of touch you mean I know very little.
He’s had the penny for a very long time.
http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Giant_Penny
He got it after beating The Penny Plunderer.
Do you want to hear about the T-Rex next? I love the T-Rex.
i totally love everything in the batcave http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/Batcave
b/c i’ve seen a lot of the venture bros. recently, and Willis’ batman always says “i’m batman” i have to say this: I AM THE BAT
weeDick: “Can we keep it?” ^_^
There goes the world to hell as we know it
Huh… how would this Bruce scare the shit out of people?
Well, aside from yelling “Thunder… Thunder! Thundercats, HOOO!”
… Ok, there needs to be a drawing of Batman shouting “THUNDERCATS, HO!”
Someone needs to kill Batman. He’s so MEAN to delivery boys!
Must.. have… thundercats/batman….. crossover… t-shirt….
After all these batman jokes he hasn’t done one on either Arkham games. I’m finding it a little odd at this point.
Just beat Arkham City today. But I still got like 200 Riddler trophies to track down, at least two more phone calls from Zsasz, another Titan tank to find, hostages, political prisoners, some Catwoman stuff…
Okay, so by “beat it” I mean I’m about 35% done.
You missed this one: http://seekersofthebat.com/wp-content/uploads/Unlocked.png
(Id find it in the archives but it’s faster to do a google search)
Yeah man, he did an Arkham Asylum comic like…2 years ago when it was new. Give him time, I’m sure he’ll do an Arkham City comic.
That was funny. And CRACKTASTIC
You’re getting good doing strips that appeal to gay men (and women, I guess, but whatever). Is that something you’ve been working on?
I’m curious how that relates to this comic specifically. I can see how it might to the earlier storylines though.
Well, you see, gay people like Batman, so more Batman means a higher percentage of gay readers. Trufax.
But straight people like Batman too, which means a higher percentage of gay people only happens if the Batman fans specifically skew gay.
Arrgh, looking back at that, my hyperbolic bullshit wasn’t up to scratch that day.
What I was trying to communicate was that Willis’s men have been getting progressively hunkier.
This is a great argument for psychiatric medication.
If it really worked that way … which would still be scary, actually …
Hey Willis, my brother drew this thing http://flic.kr/p/ay59Vk the other day and it reminded me of you.
…I would marry this Batman. XD This would be hilarious.
I thought Batman was more about making sure that other people weren’t victims of street crime, not revenge.
Please, it’s always been about revenge. Nobody that passionate about getting revenge on crime for killing his parents wouldn’t actually ever go through with trying to be Batman. If he just wanted to try and help people, he would have become a cop, or just donated a lot of money to Gotham’s police force or something.
Both of which couldn’t help him, so why could they help someone else?
Also, Gotham police are horrible corrupt.
not all of them! plus the dirty cops got killed early on in Gotham Central, didn’t they?
Somebody in the special features of Batman: Year One asserted that Batman only works if the Gotham cops are always corrupt, so YMMV.
Hell, the sheer amount of time he put into making sure he could personally beat the criminals into oblivion speaks volumes. He’s rich. He could have just studied all the areas of human knowledge and become a genius detective, then hire four or five discrete elite trained combat professionals to dress up tag along during his nightly excursions into Gotham’s underbelly. Probably could have started the whole Batman business years and years sooner if he’d done that.
But no. He genuinely wanted to feel his own personal fist pummeling crime-meat so badly he went and studied and mastered 127 different forms of martial arts and took it upon himself to beatdown every single criminal in a city populated almost exclusively by criminals with his own two hands. Not like being the world’s greatest detective was sufficient. He needed to be the world’s greatest hand to hand combatant too.
Not even gonna touch the fact that as a multibillionare, not even a member of the 1%, more like 0.01%, he can pretty much reshape the world however he chooses. That dismantling Gotham’s police force and replacing them with his own selected individuals wouldn’t even be an afternoon’s worth of work for him. Certainly not gonna go out and mention that he could have been president as easily as Luthor ever was, because that is just a whole can of worms we don’t want to open.
Hell, this is the guy who at one point gave up the Bruce Wayne identity entirely as well as all the good causes Bruce Wayne supports because he couldn’t make it an entire week without dressing up like a bat and punching small-time crooks. Not saying it’s not about protecting people for him, but it’s certainly not exclusively about protecting people.
Well summed.
Yeah, it’s funny that as ludicrous as the fortunes of Bruce and Lex and other uber-wealthy comic characters seem at times, in many ways they’re actually understating how much power and influence they have.
As for Gotham’s police – Usually there’s a “core” of decent cops that Gordon supervises personally, but there’s still a lot of bad (and/or especially indifferent) apples spread throughout the force. Interesting point about Batman only working if the police are corrupt, but I’d extend that to all superheroes and make “corrupt” and “incompetent” interchangeable. The same also applies to the military. Basically if the police or military could handle most problems, there’s far, far less reason for the superheroes to exist.
Well, no one else has said it so…
‘ThunderBats is one the move, Thunderbats is loose!”
(please ignore the bad grammer, but ‘are’ just doesn’t work when it’s just Bruce running around in his TC jammies)
And does this mean he was watching Thundercats instead of Gray Ghost? If so, so sad…
This is a batman that really scares me…
Quite literally the sanest Batman has ever been.
If that though frightens you, it’s merely prove of your own sanity.
This does remind me of one of my favorite stories from the Bizarro comics anthologies. Bruce Wayne finally gets over the pain of his parents’ death, sells off all his Bat-stuff, and builds a boat to sail away. It was sweet.
OMG! I love this comic…
And I adore this kind of Batman. For the Win!
BATMAN DOES NOT EAT NACHOS
I bet this one does.
So the last Batman comic had him acting like Galasso, in this one he’s acting like Walky (which would make Catwoman Joyce?) Who’s next, Robin acting like Robin?
Batman acting like Mike. Gotham will be in an outright panic and Scarecrow will be jealous.
How about Batman acting like Faz and Robin acting like Malaya?
Batman Mike would have a giant nickel, not a giant penny, and would be the main reason most inmates at Arkham list an athletic supporter as their first post-release/escape purchase/theft.
Batman acting like Mike? I don’t think Willis would rip off ASBAR so blatantly…
No tag for Alfred?
Uhhhh…. Alfred tag’s always been there, sport! And I don’t mean that in a “wink, wink, I just added it” way.
You gaslighting me Willis?
If you’re being serious, then thats really bizarre.
No, the tag was always there. First one, alphabetical!
That has the be the worst “drive your fragile wife crazy” plot ever. EVER. “Hah! She has no penis. She will therefore be defenseless before my single idiotic mind game. NYYAAH HAAA HAAA! I shall lock myself in the basement with my chloroform and many brown rats! NYYAAH HAAA HAAA! “
And this, my friends, is the origin of THE GODDAMNED BATMAN (aka CRAZY STEVE).
My medication doesn’t work like that…
To be fair, your psychoses probably don’t work like Bruce’s either. I mean if they did, I probably would have heard about you on the news.
Because this is fiction aka NOT TRUE.
But I bet youd like that your medication had that effect
No one’s medication works like that. If it did, The Computer would be your friend by now.
WIN.
I would totally read a comic series about this Batman. ^_^
You mean about a Playboy named Bruce Wayne?
My parents are DEEEEEEAAAAADDD! And I’ve gotten OVEEEERRRR IIIITTTT!
Really, though, this would be a great plot for Hugo Strange to pull off.
LOL.
Hugo Strange finally defeated Batman!
How? By revealing his secret identity? By trapping him in a prison city?
Umm nope, by doing his job properly and not being a crazy supervillain.
Oh… huh.
BEST BATMAN COMIC EVARRRRRRRRRR
What we need to see now is the other “Batman” and his arch-nemesis “Homerun Girl”. Maybe a multi-crossover with all the batman variants and their foils.
[ for those completely in the dark - It is from "You're Under Arrest" ]
I have just fallen more in love with Batman than I was before.
Yeah? Because I think this is the most awfull thing that happened since the midichlorians fiasco on Star Wars.
Ever seen batman eat a hotdog? Look it up on youtube
really? ’cause the idea of batman scaring the shiiiit outta some poor delivery dude just makes me have the giggle.
like ethan said, batman can make anything funny
Holy crap, that made me spew my nachos over the computer….. ><
Willis has no knowledge of Psychiatry, doped patients dont react like that. That would be implying that Batman has more to do with synapse than It has to do with Bruce Wayne Parents killed.
You cant cure Schizofrenia with therapy and you cant get rid of a trauma with medicaments. The cult of drugs and medicaments is not far away from Its nemesis, the cult of homeopathy and “alternative” treatments.
Because a comic in which a billionaire dresses up as a bat, punches out burglars every night, and has long-running feuds with a murderer dressed as a clown, a half-plant woman, an immortal cult leader, and others, and buddies up with a strange visitor from another planet, is all about medical accuracy.
You mean it isn’t?? LP
I always thought that there might be more to it than the trauma thing. Sure, seeing your parents killed is awful, but usually it just lands someone in therapy as far as I understand it. I wonder if maybe Bruce had some kind of pre-existing inclination that led him to being Batman, but the trauma just clinched it.
Pre-existing inclination? Heck, there’s a laundry list of reasons he was “destined” to be Batman in the comics. In fact, I recall one alternate-universe tale where Batman, temporarily transferred to another timeline, swoops down and beats the stuffing out of the Mugger/Joe Chill right as he’s getting ready to kill the Waynes.
So what happens? The young Alt-U Bruce is so inspired by the mystery vigilante that he grows up to become *dun dun DUUUN* Batman! (Though from the looks of it a much happier Batman)
A Batman who eats nachos and plays pranks on pizza delivery boys?
the avatar makes that post so much better.
*gleeee*
I’m surprised that there are no 9-9-9 jokes here. Remember, Herman Cain once ran Godfather’s Pizza.
Its just a comic. You should really just relax.
Repeat that to yourself.
Are you possibly trying to imply that a humor comic about an adventure comic might be portraying something less than a scrupulously accurate view of reality?
Not only that, but an adventure comic where the main character has a piece of rock that will kill one specific person (sorry, two specific people), but is relatively harmless to just about everyone else in the universe.
And did I mention that the person this rock can kill is able to fly, juggle cars, fire lasers from his eyes, and freeze things just by blowing on them?
In a reality like that, isn’t it just a wee bit possible that if science can come up with teleporters, flying cars, and clothing that can change itself at the touch of a button, science might be able to come up with a drug that makes people happy without “doping them up?”
Eh. Obvioustroll is obvious.
“But what did you think of the play, Mrs. Lincoln?”
I am intimately familiar with behavior-altering drugs, and you’re a jerk.
And you are a pink pony that lives in alaska
Great, now I have to rush out and murder all the doctors before they find the real Batman.
… maybe Batman will try to stop me. Squee!
Turns out it’s Halloween and the delivery guy just thinks it’s a costume.
Okay, not only is he wearing a Thundercats shirt, but he ordered pizza and wants to scare the crap out of the pizza guy……
Batman is my new hero!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
“I gave a Bruce Wayne a Valium and said set your fucking ass down!”
Who knew Eminem was such a good psychiatrist?
I could see this in the new reboot. Or Tiny Titans.
Hmm, great… First Batman had issues because he was in obsession with his parents.
Now, he has issues because he’s trying to cover up the pain of seperation anxiety through childish behaviours and douchebaggery.
Pretty funny and clever though.
My third favorite comic behind Squee-batman and Rorschach waving his hands up with happiness.
Has this storyline crossed over with Least I Could Do? YOU DECIDE!
http://www.leasticoulddo.com/comic/20120116