This is basically a Galasso strip. On acid. Bat acid.
Birthed sort of from a Tumblr post of mine from a week ago.
Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Multiplex
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
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©2005-2013 David Willis | Powered by WordPress with ComicPress | Subscribe: RSS | Back to Top ↑
That sounds uncomfortable.
Well Golly!
Inform Drake that my reply post is much more nerdy than his.
Gee Willikers
You’re talking about a guy who has exposed himself to the vacuum of space to build a tolerance to it. He laughs at uncomfortable. Hell, he laughs at freakish, deformity causing pain.
To be fair, freakish deformity laughs back at him even more loudly.
I just realized this strip should be called “Bat-ryoshka Dolls”
The zeroth truth of Batman: within each bat, there lies a smaller bat
This can only lead to gorn.
…Do I want to know what drugs you were on, Willis?
This is what happens when you buy cheap drugs from e-mail spam sites.
Dick looks a lot like blue-eyed Ethan.
Plot twist! Ethan is actually Dick Grayson, wearing contacts to hide from Batman!
A Bat-ryushka?
Now that’s the punchline.
oh yay, I read all comments before posting a new one =p
[tho my spellin's differnt]
This makes me sad. I miss you, Steph. Damn you, Willis!
I finally know the truth!!! Damn them for keeping it from us this long! Praise be to Willis for uncovering the truths that were hidden for so long!
…. is that Bat Girl?
It’s Stephanie Beard, the fourth Robin. She died, got better. She became Batgirl when Bruce died.
Stephanie BROWN. Sorry, I just always think of her as Tim’s beard.
El. Oh. El. Implying something about their relationship?
Tim is straight. He is just as scared of women as your average anime protagonist on any show where there are lots of them and few dudes.
That or its like what some big name celebs have where so many women are throwing themselves at them its all sort of boring now. (Tim could be a bigger manslut than Roy Harper if he wanted to. With a higher quality of lady too.)
So don’t believe what Scans Daily says. Because the only subtext is in one’s own dirty little mind.
But yeah. Its only been one issue of Batgirl and I already miss the hell out of Stephanie.
Fuck you Didio. Fuck you.
umm…huh? I thought the female robin wasn’t canon, she was only in one of the side series.
To the basic Batman storyline, anyway.
No she was Robin in canon.
Here’s how it went down:
Tim quit being Robin and Stephanie (usually doing the Bat thing as Spoiler) was sort of randomly inducted as the newest Robin by Batman. Tim immediately suspected this was a ploy to get him back to being Robin… which it probably was, Bruce was being written as kind of a huge dick for years in a row there.
During a mission where Bruce basically told Steph to stay in the car (and DON’T CHANGE THE BAT RADIO STATION PRE-SETS!), she disobeyed that order because he was starting to lose a fight big time. Unfortunately, the bad guy was only distracted for like a second, after that he easily defeated Steph and made his get away. Bruce, used this opportunity to fire Steph as Robin. And Tim eventually took his job back. Happily ever after.
OR WAS IT? Understandably heartbroken for being used as a weird power play in the gamesmanship between Bruce and Tim, Steph tried to enact one of Batman’s “beat crime for good” plans to prove she was worthwhile. Unfortunately, this plan wasn’t properly labeled. It was under W for War Games instead of I for Idiotic Plan That Will Never Work And Will Totally Get Hundreds Of People Killed. In the climax of this storyline, Steph tried to make up for her making up for things attempt by taking on the main villain… he beat her to near death Jason Todd style. As she lay dying, she asked Bruce if she was ever “really Robin” and Bruce managed to do the right thing and said yes.
Oh but she totally didn’t die. The family Bat doctor whisked her off to Mexico or some crap and nursed her back to health. And didn’t tell anybody. Not because it was a retcon of a stupid death, but because… you know, reason.
“Unfortunately, this plan wasn’t properly labeled. It was under W for War Games instead of I for Idiotic Plan That Will Never Work And Will Totally Get Hundreds Of People Killed.”
YES.
The real problem with that plan was that Stephanie doesn’t read Batman comics.
If I recall, the plan was to unite all of Gotham’s criminals under a single leader: Matches Malone.
Batman is Matches Malone. So his involvement was kinda a must.
Which doesn’t make it any less idiotic, really. Stephanie seemed convinced that if she just set the plan in motion, this Malone guy would show up and do his part. No attempt to contact him and make sure he was in, or even knew what was going down.
At least I think that’s how it happened. Haven’t read that story since it first came out, years ago.
Stephanie Brown had a 3-month probationary period as Robin. She got sacked 71 days in. Many feel this means she doesn’t really count as a Robin, she was only given the mantle because she’d already been selected to die in War Games and editors wanted to make her being power drill’d to death more meaningful.
(In the nuDCU she almost certainly wasn’t Robin, rendering the entire argument moot.)
I learned something today
Thanks for the download! 
Actually, she wasn’t beaten to death. She was tortured to death. With power tools.
But she never broke.
You might be thinking of Carrie Kelly, who IS out of continuity.
Think you’re thinking of Carrie Kelly.
That was a different female Robin.
You might be thinking of Carrie Kelly from The Dark Knight Returns.
“Stephanie Beard” Now THAT’S a Freudian slip!
I laughed at the Russian nesting dolls joke, but I have no idea why Bruce is so insane in this strip. I guess it doesn’t really matter since it amused me.
I think you might want to ask Neal Adams about that. Just a hunch.
He didn’t say “I’m Batman”. Clearly he’s gone mad. Maaaad!
Abe Lincoln on the penny looks like an older, bearded Mike.
TINY CLONES OF ME, ASSEMBLE
This comic pleases me.
I’m ashamed to admit it, but I only know who one of those robins is. Dick greyson.
Also, since when does batman have kids? honestly, why? it doesn’t fit how he always seems to act… thats almost as bad as if I heard that marvel completely rebooting the spider man continuity just to make him not married… whats that? you say they did that? And it was a while ago too? Okay, DC, do whatever you want, you can’t trump THAT insanity.
Talia Al Ghul stole Batman’s Bat Baby Juice and made a son that was half Batman and half Al Ghul. He didn’t know about it until Damien was 8 or so.
Batman was… drugged and raped, and his son was cloned in a lab, or something? It was like 5 years ago, retconned from a 1987 story about Batman having a kid.
Originally, he and Talia knocked boots in the: graphic novel: Batman: Son of the Demon.
Morrison only half remembered the details, and thought that Talia had drugged the Bat before knocking boots. (which wasn’t the case, the two of them had an on-off romance thing going for ages, just like a certain Bat and Cat.) But they had the Superboy punching reality thing to hide behind.
Oh said son also shows up in Kingdom Come and The Kingdom, as Ibn al Xu’ffasch. And he ends up involved with the daughter of Nightwing and Starfire.
I’d completely forgotten about that character. Oh hey, speaking of, if the New 52 Starfire had Nightstar (a half human half Tamaranian) would she only remember her half the time?
^this is the mirthiest comment, the mirthiest of all comments.
The Robins shown are …
Dick Grayson (aka Nightwing aka occasional replacement Batman), who has been Batman’s ward since he was introduced in the 40s…so I’ll never get the “Batman shouldn’t have kids” thing. He tends to be the go-to Robin in most media outside comics.
Jason Todd (aka Red Hood II* aka Red Robin) is the Robin from the 80s. Fans hated his so much they voted to have him killed. Unfortunately it didn’t stick and he came back as a villain/anti-hero. He may or may not be the second Red X in the Teen Titans cartoon (but he probably was) and he’s in the direct to DVD Under the Red Hood movie.
*Yes, the guy from the “Red Hood and the Outlaws” comic that sparked the Stargirl controversy.
Tim Drake (aka Red Robin II) has been Robin during most of the time I’ve read comics (starting in the early 90s) and he’s awesome. He didn’t actually get adopted by Bruce until that god-awful Identity Crisis story from a few years back made him an orphan. He’s the Robin in the later episodes of Batman the Animated Series (though they used more of Jason’s personality and history than Tim’s).
Stephanie Brown (aka Spoiler aka Batgirl #, um, which ones are canon again?) was Robin for about five seconds before Batman fired her for doing the type of thing the male Robins did all the time. A lot of Batman fans love her but Batman editors HATE her and she probably won’t exist anymore in the new DCU.
Damian Wayne is Bruce Wayne and Talia al Ghul’s bratty son. He’s starting to grow on me.
Stephanie is confirmed as still existing, just that she’s gone back to her old identity as Spoiler. It helps that Grant Morrison had plans to use her before the relaunch and that he’s got enough sway to ensure those plans could go ahead.
Awesome, I can’t wait to see what Grant does with her.
…but I’ll have to wait because it’s a Grant Morrison comic.
(Where is Brian Miller when you need him? Come back, we miss you already)
I knew bits and pieces of that, but it filled in quite a bit for me.
Thanks.
TvTropes?
Do what now?
Steph still exists! She’s just Spoiler again. Or maybe she was never Batgirl? I’m not sure. She’s around and she’s definitely Spoiler, anyway, she’s been in solicits.
Which book(s)?
“Fans hated him so much they voted to have him killed.”
Very misleading. 5343 to 5271. Jason’s death was due to a difference of 72 votes. AND there was a man who managed to call over a hundred times for Jason’s death.
However, as much as i love Jason, His death was probably the best thing that happened to Batman comics, plot wise. It changed Batman’s character drastically, led to the introduction of Tim Drake, and caused Dick Grayson to feel the need to love and cuddle Tim to overcompensate for his distance with Jason.
And Jason got to come back as a badass mofo, plus buckets of angst.
Though he did get some bad writers. Again.
I don’t think they rebooted Spider-Man’s continuity, they just removed one or two developments like his marriage and the death of Harry Osborn. Though to be fair, I don’t think any important changes actually happened to Spider-Man in the last twenty years anyway, so it’s not like anyone would notice.
They rebooted his unmasking and his being an awesome science teacher.
Science teacher Peter was the best. I think losing that bothers me more than the selling the marriage to the devil thing.
Are you sure about that? It seems to me they just had him stop doing it rather than making it so it never happened. I do think it’s a shame, as it totally fit him as a job, but to be fair, “show up whenever scientist” is way more Pete’s style than “teach everyday at the same time.”
You don’t know who Dick Grayson is? That’s pitiable.
When did Galasso possess batman?
batman first class. that is all.
Let’s not forget that Terry McGinnis ALSO had blue eyes and black hair. Bruce is a little weird.
Well, to be fair, Terry McGinnis WAS a genetic clone of Bruce Wayne.
If I recall, Terry was the son of Bruce Wayne and Terry’s mom. Cadmus merely replaced Terry’s would-be dad’s semen with Bruce semen.
Almost, Waller had Warren McGinnis “infected” with nanites under the cover of a flu shot. Said nanites then reworked his reproductive genetic material into an exact copy of Bruce’s.
Hence why Terry’s younger brother is also the son of Bruce.
Is it bad that whenever I see the word “nanites” now, I think about giant metal fists?
0.0 That…may be the creepiest thing Amanda Waller has ever done. And I must’ve forgotten the details so I can sleep at night.
…
I miss Waller.
Bruce Juice, even.
Well, Terry is Bruce’s son as well, courtesy of Amanda Waller and her meddling. So the chances of him looking like his old man are a given.
Okay, now it could be that I’m a terrible person, but when Bruce says he will put them all inside of him, largest to smallest, I picture a train of buttsex. >_>
A Bat-erpillar! Everyone line up front to Bat!
I had a hard time imagining what ELSE it could mean, until I saw the comic title. Now I can only assume that he meant something to the title’s effect, but that only makes me more confused.
I would think in that circumstance, he would start with the smallest to ease the pain, and then work toward the largest one as he was loosened up!
I also thought man train at first. That said, Galasso Batman is awesome.
As a big Stephanie Brown fan, I thank you for this! By the way, if you didn’t read her Batgirl series, I highly recommend you check it out in trade.
So the cameos in Something*Positive(I mean to read someday) which I went to see the Joyce cameo reminded of something Shortpacked related.
I keep thinking the relationship between Mike and his kid is going to be like the main character and his niece in LICD. He’s going to love the kid…and train them to be the perfect asshole so he’ll have a partner in crime.
“My god, the spider-bats are all over me! Bring me my bat-flamethrower!”
I’m suddenly imagining the Batcave with a crudely-painted “NO GIRLS ALLOWED” sign.
And the S would be backwards.
“Bruce, what’s all this GROSS stuff? Some new criminal organization?”
“No, it is our new club: Get Rid of Slimy GirlS. I have appointed you treasurer.”
Ah, that makes me lol. The fact that my daughter is of arab decent but has blue eyes really got me to appreciate that panel with Damion.
Dammit Willis, now I need to beg lord Snyder’s forgiveness for laughing out loud at this vile mockery of his hallowed creation.
Well… Bruce isn’t too far off from Galasso.
Why has Dick shrunk? He was as tall as Bruce (though not as bulky) before.
It’s he can fit more easily inside of Bruce, of course!
Wow, I am out of touch with Bat-Continuity, I assumed that the girl was Carrie Kelley, and wondered why you were drawing her so funny…
In retrospect, I should have made a “Dick shrunk” joke.
This is probably based on the Batman comic that came out either last week or 2 weeks ago. 3 Robins(Dick, Tim, Hellspawn) showed up, all looking like slightly shorter versions of Bruce. Dick, specifically, was much shorter than in other portrayals.
IIRC, according to the Zero Hour Grayson appearance as the Bat (right after Knightfall, Bruce has beaten Bane, but is contemplating retirement/still healing) Cimmish Gordon was weary of Grayson as Batman , especially after the Azbat fiasco. He stated that the voice impersonation was dead on, but Grayson was not as tall. If he wanted to fool anyone he would need to do something about that.
Grayson-bat had to assure Gordon he had been around for a while, dancing around the issue that Gordon knew full well it was Grayson, former Robin, ex-lover of his adopted daughter, in the cloak, and Jim only worried about the lad’s safety.
Barbara is adopted? Huh, I did not know that.
(I’ve always gone for the theory put forth in No Man’s Land that Jim knows full well who Batman is, and just pretends not to know for everyone’s safety/sanity.)
Yeah, she started out as Jim’s daughter but then they rebooted her as his niece. I forget how she came to live with him.
her parents were murdered on the way home from seeing “swan lake”.
I always knew that ballet was evil.
And she was then later retconned back into being his biological daughter, except this time she was the result of Jim sleeping with his sister-in-law. I think. It’s been a long time since I read the books in question.
There is no room for “Gordon Does Not Know” after R.I.P.
The Joker knows too.
>dealwithit.jpg
OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I BECOME?
Well, the Joker knows SOMETIMES. He’s crazy enough that he doesn’t always remember, just like the way he treats other people can vary wildly.
It’s a bit cold in the batcave.
No need for me to try and surf today, for it is Malph who has won the internet.
I love how nice and upbeat Tim is. Golly! Where’d he find the sweater vest?
This instantly reminded me of the panel in the recent Batman #1 where Bruce and his mini-clones are getting ready for a party. The artist chose to depict each of the Batboys as a full head shorter than the next, so they looked like nesting dolls. It bothered me, because I figured that by now, Tim should be around the same height as Dick.
You pegged it exactly: http://itswalky.tumblr.com/post/10497242582/hide-your-raven-haired-orphans
If that’s an 8 year old, a teenager, a twenty-something, and however old Bruce is in the new continuity, then Bruce must be freakishly tall. Dick is as tall here as I imagine Tim being, and Dick should be just a few inches shorter than Bruce. Damien should not be there at all.
I have an irrational hatred of Damien. >.>
I always figured Bruce to be about 6’5 and Grayson to be just under 6’0″. I usually base these guesstimates on comparative heights with Robin and the New Teen Titans, where Grayson was not the tall guy on the team, Starfire was usually just a bit taller, but she was supposed to have super-model stature, and Changeling/Beast Boy would be roughly 5’5″. I figure Beast Boy and Drake to be similar heights.
I cannot complain too much about the relative heights in this rendering based on the past evidence presented. I would even place Bats at a bit taller the Cyborg who was definitely more vertically gifted than the Boy Wonder.
Yes, but the above panel has hilarious implications if Battle for the Cowl. Pint-sized Timmy wearing a bat suit and carrying a bo staff. Adorable!
What bugs me more are Damien’s red high tops. Don’t get me wrong–I’ll wear my red chucks with anything, even a suit, but I’m not Damien, a rich, entitled heir to both a massive old-money fortune and an elegantly deadly league of assassins. Tim I could see wearing ‘em, maybe. But Damien? Just to show that he’s the little kid of the group?
Le sigh.
Also, I wish they’d vary the skin palette a bit more. Damien’s heritage aside, isn’t Dick Romani?
Only half. He has as much excuse as Damian. And, to be fair, they are all nocturnal, so that probably has an effect.
Lighten up, Steph. At least you made it inside. Poor Cass.
Oh, wait, duh. Robins. My bad.
And suddenly the TvTropes tweet makes disturbing sense…….
Steph actually has blue eyes.
Aww Stephanie
What about Carrie Kelley?
Not part of the current timeline. She hails from Earth-31.
Earth-31? I suppose that’s the Earth where Frank Miller is a little crazy (and obsessed with whores… okay that’s every Earth)? Whereas Earth-32 {All Star Batman & Robin} is where Frank is completely off his nut and obsessed with every female in the DC Universe wanting to sex Batman with both their costumes on?
Egh. It’s what they call their timelines/alternate realities.
So Earth 31 is the world where The Dark Knight Returns happens.
Just as Earth 12 was originally the home for the Batman Beyond series.
And Power Girl originally hailed from Earth 2.
Wait, so Bruce Wayne is Chronos, but with size instead of time?
Bruce is starting to scare me. Imagine if Galasso would do the same with his staff.
Babushka!!! (google it)
Oh wait, unless he meant quad penetration. :S
Pretty sure you mean “matryoshka”.
Nah, he just really loves his grandma
Yeah, I didn’t see the russian nesting doll line until after reading the comic. Your punchline steers the imagination into all the wrong places.
It’s missing Damien, but hey…
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/319/9/0/batfamily_matryoshka_by_hashibayuya-d32w64v.jpg
The nesting doll joke escaped me until I read the tumblr post. The Batman legacy is great, but I can’t help but remember the campier spots with punchlines like this.
Dick’s only part anglo, and Damian’s eyes are brown (except when colorists eff up.)
I giggled in a most unseemly fashion.
Huh. Funny. But I’ve got squick images now.
I LOL’d XD
I like how you could make a superhero team out of just Robins.
If you count the characters who only tried to be Batgirl, you can make a full on Batgirl Super Sentai team! Right down to the mysterious 6th sentai.
If you count the characters who only tried to be Batgirl, you can make a full on Batgirl Super Sentai team! Right down to the mysterious 6th sentai.
Bette Kane, Barbara Gordon, Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown, Misfit… Who am I missing for the 6th?
Helena Bertinelli. Huntress tried to be Batgirl but found it too restrictive and went back to being Huntress. She started the full face mask that Casssandra wore.
Huntress (Helena), In No man’s land tried to be batgirl. It ended with Bruce giving her costume to Cassandra.
Sadly I was reading the guest list for the mid ohio con, and I swear I must’ve read burt ward’s name as Burt “Don’t touch me there” Ward at least a dozen times. then I check back here and find… batman. wanting all his robins. inside him.
Therapy is cheap, but inflicting squick is far more fun.
The sheer brightness of Batman’s eyes creep me out slightly. They just seem a bit beyond the range of human eye colours.
I get that a bit with Joyce in Dumbing of Age too.
Damian’s eyes are actually brown, but I guess the whiteification of a boy who’s suppose to be half Arab and Asian is complete.
Is it bad that I thought of a turducken (a Bat-Turducken? Poor bat…) before I thought of nesting dolls?
Yes. And no.
You’d really need to get Joker or someone equally morbid in to prepare that… you’ve got to debone all the carcases before stuffing them into each other.
BTW does this mean you’d consider today’s comic a farce?
Lol!
Suddenly five simultaneous cries of “Holy Matryoshka, Batman!”
Oh and Willis. You may want to do a comic on the following bit of news as well.
http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/10/01/all-crisis-events-removed-from-dc-continuity/
The lack of Crises in DC has no effect on my enjoyment of their comics at all, positive or negative. If I had to pick a side, I’d go with “good riddance.”
I just wanna know how Dick took over from Bruce if Final Crisis never happened. The other ones don’t even make sense any more, so I guess that’s fine. Also, did Hal still go evil/Parallax => try to destroy time => go good => die => become the Spectre => get reborn?
Did Superman die and come back?
Do the Hawk people make any sense yet?
As long as Hawk People are aliens from another galaxy that are exactly humans, but have themed their entire civilization around an alien animal that almost nobody on their planet has ever even really seen, right down to giant, useless, impractical mechanical wings which they all wear but don’t actually use for flying (instead using jetpacks or, uh, “flying harnesses”), then no. No, they will never make any sense.
Maybe if everyone on Earth called themselves the Venusian squid people, wore fake suction cups that didn’t work, and did a lot of boating? Then the Hawk People would make as much sense as at least one other thing.
Iirc, you enjoyed the heck out of the Secret Six?
What if none of that happened, due to this decision.
So Catman and Deadshot aren’t friends/allies.
Heck, this decision may very well turn Catman back into the loser he was before..
BATroyshka Doll?
Damian is a fourth white BTW. He’s one eighth Chinese and one eighth Arabic. And if you believe Talia tweaked his DNA it isn’t implausible for him to appear white.
Also, Jasons hair has been retconned to have always been black.
Grant Morrison retconned it back to having been red again: http://pizza-planet.tumblr.com/post/5605625317/preview-of-batman-robin-23
And made it seem like Batmans’ a much bigger dick than he really is, too. I hated that comic.
Scott Lobell, writer of Red Hood and the Outlaws, retconned it again.
I am not convinced Scott Lobdell knew he was retconning it.
He probably just watched Batman: Under the Red Hood.
True, though even Jason’s facial features were different when Morrison wrote. In RHatO he just looks like a sneering Dick Graycon.
I give you the future of comics: two (or more) camps, endlessly retconning What Is Right Now to suit their own preferences and/or how it was when they were kids.
willis, were you doing custom sketches for the book 4 pre-orders? if so, i know what i want.
Damian has brown eyes sometimes! I think colorists must default to blue eyes because most supposedly brown eyes comic characters wind up with blue eyes now and again.
I was so disappointed we didn’t get a redheaded Jason in Outlaws. But, it also wasn’t a very good comic, so it wasn’t going to live up to my dreams of a ginger brigade anyhow.
Were I in charge at DC, then it would be a simple issue of Damian wearing colored contacts in order to appear more like “Robin,” thus preventing scrutiny by the rogues gallery into determining that Wayne is, in fact, Batman.
Of course, were I in charge at DC, we wouldn’t be having Damian conversations at all.
And now the obligatory: WHERE’S CASSANDRA CAIN?
Oh, I know she was never a robin. I don’t care. I WANT HER BACK BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND SHE’S AWESOME and… *sob*… fuck you DC. Fuck you for abusing Cassie, and Oracle, and whoever it was at Marvel who hired the artist for the third volume of Runaways and then twisted the knife by canceling it. FUCK YOU ALL.
Hey, she doesn’t have black hair (nor is she male) but she DID get nearly beat to death and – dangit – I think that’s Robin enough! Commitment to the job, you know?
I can’t read this without thinking of Living Doll. http://youtu.be/68WaYGeCyfA?t=1m10s
I take it that Willis does not like the new Batman?
For the answer to that, you may want to click the link that Willis provided directly below the comic.
This is the greatest punch line ever. I have nothing to add just that was hillarious.
Poor Stephanie. She became so awesome and popular, and DC just tossed her aside… Its just not fair.
Srsly. Friggin DC, screwing up a good thing.
Is the final panel another dick joke?
The Robins all looking the same KIND OF makes sense if Batman wanted to keep to a certain ‘image’ or make people think they were all the same kid….wait, what was his reasoning for dying Jason’s hair again?
Hang on a minute. In the current DC timeline, most heroes are in about the fifth year of their careers? So Batman went through Dick, Jason, Tim, maybe Stephanie, and Damien all in five years time? Dang! That’s bad. I mean yeah, it could be worse. Damien could be the only one still living…which I guess would be as hilarious as it would be bad. But that means Bruce started his solo career, visited a circus, watched the Graysons die, took Dick as his ward, Dick retired or graduated to Nightwing (whichever it was), Bruce found Jason, trained him, Jason died (did that still happen? O.o), Tim found out who Bruce was, became Robin, maybe the stuff with Stephanie, and then Talia showed up with Damien all in the space of five years? WTF?
…and isn’t Damien 8?
DCnU: “Simplifying” continuity to give new readers a jumping on point and give old readers a headache.
Two things: 1) Apparently Bruce’s career extended back earlier than Superman’s (around 10 years). People in the DCnU don’t “count” that as the dawn of superheroes because he was too stealth. People thought he was an urban legend and it wasn’t until Superman’s debut that he was widely known about.
and 2) Damien is 10. No this does not help the addition AT ALL.
So yes, Robins last a very short time and Dick was pretty dang old when he started on. Or he quit very young and became Nightwing at age 16 or even earlier.
Dick was deaged. I’m not sure if that helps or makes things more confusing, but there you go!
The Nightwing writer said on Twitter that Bruce took him in when he was 16.
I think the Batman writer said Bruce was in his early 30′s now but it’s so freaking hard to find old Twitter posts. I need to start screencapping this stuff so I can make a timeline!
My brain just high fived my eyes!
He’s full of tinier men!
yeah man I like bruce better with black dot eyes..
This has some weird brady bunch vibes. I hope they don’t all get perms.. no.. no I hope they do.
Pity Cass isn’t a Robin. She at least half fits the bill.
Bat acid.
I think we need more bat acid. OH CRAP ADDICTION
But shouldn’t the last panel have read:
“I will put all of you inside me, in order of largest to smallest.
(I’m Batman.)”
It’s the expression in the last panel that really makes this comic.
Poor Stephanie just needs a dye job and some contact lenses.
You know after seeing this comic, I was watching Batman Beyond, and even Terry Mcginis, has Black hair Blue eyes sometimes…Bruce Wayne is truly making Mini Versions of himself
This is the funnyest thing I have read for a long time.
Yeah, actually. Jason’s eyes are green in most of the recent stuff, no? Ever since that “My hair was really red, but Batman was a dick” I’ve seen him with green eyes. Because, I think, in the DC universe, if you have red hair you most likely have green eyes or something.
The final panel is one of the most insane brilliant things I have ever read.
And they are all so in character! Though I like to forget the entire ginger!Jason shtick. Please, leave me to my denial.
Haha, there’s a good think about the Reboot right there! Jason isn’t a ginger Jeaus.
As the worlds biggest fan of Tim Drake, and also of just the concept of Robin, I got the major lolz from this.