We’re slumming it the rest of the week with Star Wars jokes. Usually that’s an easy gimme pandering topic, like video games, but we’re all still coming down from our never-to-be-attained-again Monday Starfire high. In comparison, these may as well be comics about sad, poor, terminally ill orphans. Who don’t play video games.
Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Multiplex
Sorcery 101
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The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
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The Book of Biff
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Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
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yeah, torture will totally work for Ben
note that it’s LETHAL torture! WAY BETTER!
Six years later this still bugs me. Either get the dude some medical attention (he’s pretty much harmless at the moment), or put him out of
ourhis misery.At least he didn’t spend every minute of the fight talking. Small mercies, I know.
At least he didn’t spend every minute of the fight talking. Small mercies, I know.
I’ll be honest and ask which fight you mean. I only saw Ep 3 once. I know they said some stuff to each other, but were they talking the whole time? Or do you mean Vader’s taunting and such during Ep 5? Or do you mean the Ep IV duel between two old men? Or…?
Annoys me too <_< hell, expect he'll be teabagging him in the "special edition"
Obi-Wan was trying to take Anakin in alive, and was forced to injure him in self-defense. According to the book, he came thisclose to falling to the dark Side.
And before you start saying they should’ve put that in the movie;
1. this is a website that deals with Transformers, that hydra of a franchise, and
2. George Lucas.
This George Lucas?
“According to the book, he came this close to falling to the dark side.”
Great. So instead of hating the scene I’m starting to hate the universe. That fixes things.
Leaving him to die isn’t really any better, is it?
Technically he warned Anakin not to attack. Anakin’s fault.
But he was then crippled. Why leave him to burn? Sounds like overkill and really could have avoided the whole Luke’s arm getting chopped off had he just shown some basic kindness.
Book says he was about to fall to the Dark Side.
Obi-wan, you know, saving his life could have prevented that. You’re talking about someone who is morally conflicted and being told that his best friend and teacher is acting evil. So his best friend and teacher leaves him to die by immolation? Not even in a, he’s not going to survive, put him out of his misery but leave him to die a slow burning death?
From a certain point of view.
From my point of view a monkey wrote the script with his penis! (credit to rifftrax)
No way that plan could possibly backfire!
I didn’t really care much for the Starfire comic, if it makes you feel better.
It ain’t murder if they ain’t dead
Anyone here read Darths & Droids? They’re actually at the “Anakin is dumb enough to lunge at Obi-Wan and lose his limbs” scene right now.
I was just coming here to ask the same thing!
Yeah, that had me wondering if our esteemed webcomic creator here were following them.
Pete likely has a die to help me figure that out
We’re all still coming down from our never-to-be-attained-again Monday Starfire high. In comparison, these may as well be comics about sad, poor, terminally ill orphans. Who don’t play video games.
Oh, David, never change.
“But I’m not taking out the garbage!”
No jokes about the possibility of the Secretary of State coming home from Washington to find her husband in a state of brony?
That was the greatest episode of Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me! EVER.
Any specific Star Wars event happening or new toy coming out? Not that there ever need be a reason to poke fun at the prequels, of course.
I mean besides the Blu-Ray and the 3D, which I couldn’t care less about. I already own the only cuts of the films I’ll ever want.
Wow, that sounded douchey. “There’s this massive event that I don’t like so I’ll just assume you’re making jokes on the topic for some other reason.”
Just ignore this post.
These strips are built entirely on my rewatching of all of the films on Blu-Ray the past week. The last SW toy I bought was the large-ass Millennium Falcon, which is not insubstantial, but it’s the ONLY SW toy I’ve bought.
…oh, and I guess I got “I’m your dad” Vader and Luke like a decade ago. They’re…. somewhere….
Oh my god, is there actually a toy called “I’m your dad Vader & Luke”? That would be incredible.
Naw, I bet the toys were really called “Bespin Duel” or something like that.
David,
You had the Dagobah playset? I had the Cloud City playset. OMG jawsome. Especially since I have a clear memory of the playset before I saw the movie, so the ‘fly out the window’ scene was something that I was totally waiting to happen when I recognized the pattern of the window. I used to knock out any of those figures through that window. Think I once sent the carbonite Han out the window.
Damn, good times.
If you mean the ones with a sculpted plastic cape on Vader and sliced off hand on Luke from 2002, those are my favorite figures based on the characters. Solid choices.
Actually – there was an “I am your Father” Father’s Day gift set with Vader, Bespin Luke and a card.
http://www.amazon.com/star-wars-Fathers-2-Pack-exclusive/dp/B000RLXJLY/
I always thought that was an odd marketing ploy. I wondered if they’d do a “Happy Birthday Sis!” set with Hoth Luke and Leia?
Outside of the Light sabre I picked up at FanExpo [always wanted one] the only Star wars stuff I have is some odd bits of LEGO and those prepainted diecast figs from the first generation playsets.
I actually used some of them when SWd20 first came out and the rule set allowed cinematic action scenes.
Was Palpatine emperor yet?
I don’t watch the prequel trilogy very often, as you can guess. >_>
Previous scene, I believe.
The Emperor declares himself as such in the Senate, then walks to his office. Yoda attacks him there and they fight their way back into the now empty Senate hall. So… very close either way.
Yes, attacked while doing paperwork. In his office. That didn’t even appear to be a corner office nor have a good view. Yeah, they were probably repairing his other office from the lightsaber duel, (no questions there how he survived, huh?)
If anyone asked, he could tell them that Anakin helped him out
Same office. The chancellor’s office has a lift that raises him into the Senate chamber.
“In comparison, these may as well be comics about sad, poor, terminally ill orphans. Who don’t play video games.”
Yeah, it’s like Tarkin said about Alderan:
“Eff ‘em if they can’t take a joke.”
Slumming? Hell, you could do an entire week on just “Greedo Shot First” jokes!!
Personally I recently realized that I haven’t watched the SW films in years, but I’m still a massive SW fanatic.
Not from the films, but from the games and the books (before they killed Chewie
).
In the vein of the “Han Shot First” T-shirts, I plan someday to make up my own SW shirt, exemplifying IMHO the most bad-ass villain of the Star Wars Universe–”Thrawn Shot First”
Alderaan shot first!: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQyd9tEDhSc
In other news, George Lucas has just announced yet ANOTHER version of Star Wars:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0AaOohRAnM
I thought the books got better after they killed Chewie. Till they beat the new interesting villains and went back to fighting among each other and killing off all of Han and Leia’s kids.
Same here. Pretty much anything pre-NJO that was REALLY good was any books written by Timothy Zahn, that Stackpole guy, or the lady who wrote the New Rebellion book. NJO was actually pretty good…Then everything hit the fan from Swarm War and beyond.
There seems to be hope for this Fate of the Jedi though… And Aaron Alliston’s good for a laugh or three. Christie Golden seems to be doing alright…Troy Denning? Meh.
Awwwww
Oooh Ooh do the jokes about the terminally ill orphans! *SQWWEEEEEE*
If any of these jokes bash the prequels in a non-lighthearted fashion, I may just have to whip out my rant stick. So be cautious.
lol dude I really like the prequels, but you can’t logically defend away the fact that they’re bad. Because they mostly are. Doesn’t mean you have to hate them, but it can’t make them “good” either.
Yes, Bad like “Return of the Killer Tomatoes” and “Plan 9 from Outer Space” type Bad. The first is what you get when you give someone money and the second is when you have an accountant run things.
…You’re seriously saying that the Star Wars prequels are as bad as Plan 9.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU PEOPLE
Rant away. Then we get another 300+ post thread with people bitching back and forth. Awesome.
Great comic. Now I must proceed to nitpick the points it presents to relieve my inner fanboy’s turmoil.
To be fair to Obi, once he shows up on the planet, Anakin immediately (appears to) KILL his own wife with unborn child right in front of him. Then he says that the Sith aren’t evil and that he hates Obi-Wan and will destroy him. Refusing to kill Anakin at that point would be ludicrous for his extremely Jedi-loyal character. And even after all that, he even tries to talk Anakin down from doing something suicidal!
I’m guessing the reason Obi-Wan doesn’t just saber his head off is because any sane person would assume Anakin would die from all that and he believes that Anakin deserves to suffer at least a little at this point. Not a saintly attitude, but then again he does give a speech about how Anakin broke his heart, so his motivation for feeling this way is clear.
I call Oscar Meyer on the “suffer a little” noise. If anything, it wasn’t revenge nor was it “mercy”, it was responsibility. When someone’s just been Black Knight’d, realistically, they are gonna die- add in some lava and actually catching fire, yeah, they should be dead. So, Obi can leave him to die, “but I didn’t kill him”. Just like you can exile someone to the desert, but “not” be guilty of murder.
Or, to put it another way, he was too much of a pussy to do the right thing.
That is a line from the comic, it has nothing to do with the movie. Obi-Wan believes that he has killed Anakin when he leaves the planet. Now, some Expanded Universe stuff holds that he realizes Anakin is Darth before getting to the Death Star. Which does make sense, considering how he tells Luke that he told the truth “from a certain point of view” rather than saying “I actually believed that story was true and didn’t realize what was going on until we got to the Death Star, and at that point things were too crazy to explain it all to you. And I didn’t think it would help your training to tell you since then.”
What I’m trying to say is that Obi-Wan believed Anakin would be dead in a few moments (because he would have been) and was so hurt he did not want to “put him out of his misery.”
I call Hillshire Farms on calling Oscar Meyer.
I will call your Hillshire Farms and raise you a Honeybaked Ham
Mmm. Hammm.
SHENANIGANS!!!
I always thought ‘It’s over Anakin! I have the high ground!’ was just the most lame, lazy ass line in the whole scene.
Of course, I really dislike all 3 ‘prequel’ movies so I’m biased I guess.
Well, having the high ground does give a +2 to attack rolls.
Darth Maul totally had the high ground.
EVERY prequel fight ends with a stupid one hit kill move that the loser of the fight doesn’t block for some reason. Finally realizing this, Obi-Wan just politely informed Anakin that he had one of those queued up, and he should simply avoid attacking if he didn’t want to lose.
Like so: http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0628.html
“EVERY prequel fight ends ”
To be fair, almost every and tv fight period ends that way.
Sometimes you have some crappy excuse of the move being “unblockable” first, but its a very very common troup either way.
You rarely end up with two people bleeding and exhusted, but neither out – as would be the honestly more realistic portral of a typical fight.
Nah, you misunderstand. I mean, the opponent usually just stands there. Often frozen in the last position they were in (while the attacker does a huge flourish) or even with their hands by their sides, not in any kind of defensive posture. Check out Darth Maul right after Obi-Wan leaps over the pit, Anakin when Dooku cuts his hand off, or every Jedi Palpatine fights except Mace. If I remember correctly, only Qui-Gon and Dooku have more logical defeats. Jango’s defeat is at least active, but he logically should have run away or used a different weapon after the first couple of shots were harmlessly deflected. He sure didn’t stand there like a moron when he was fighting Obi-Wan.
It must be a Star Wars thing. In the books it is the same way. Darth Vader’s grandkids start fighting and as soon as Darth Caedus realizes he will lose starts making last requests instead of protecting himself against his weaker sister, Jaina.
“You rarely end up with two people bleeding and exhusted, but neither out – as would be the honestly more realistic portral of a typical fight.”
and that’s why “they live” is the pinnicle of action movies.
That’s the whole premise of the 1977 film “The Duellists.”
Anyone wonder if Ben and Palpatine passed- I mean, it was what, three minutes after slice & dice the Emperor found Ani?
“I sense a great distur-”
“Old man, I am NOT in the mood for this shit today”
Ever see those Looney Tunes where Ralph Wolf and Sam Sheepdog would beat the crap out of each other, but then the lunch bell would ring and they’d sit and eat together like nothing had happened?
I picture it being like that. They pass eachother at the time clock, Ben is leaving, Palpatine is coming in, they share some awkward chit chat, crack a Wookie joke or two, and Obi Wan informs Palpatine that Anakin could probably use some aloe vera.
You know, if everyone was proper asimov robots this scenario wouldn’t happen.
Killing though Action or Inaction, its the same thing.
You forget the zeroth law, “A robot may not injure humanity, or, through inaction, allow humanity to come to harm”. Killing Anakin could be called saving mankind. At the least saving the people on Alderaan.
True.
In which case killing via inaction is allowed….but merely a very lazy way to do it
Sad, poor, terminally ill orphans (who don’t play video games) at least will not have to know the horror done to Starfire.
[Sob.]
Let the Starwars jokes sooth our wounded souls!
For me the prequels were the total opposite of the orignal trilogy. The prequels were indifferent and apathetic films that came from a historical context. The original trilogy were films about people of all races and species coming together to defeat a common enemy in an intergalactic war.
S’weird you say that, because watching through the six films, first through sixth, it’s alarming how suddenly every single battle is about white dudes once you hit episode 4.
Ep 1: Gungans and humans against droids
Ep 2: Variety of species of Jedi and stormtroopers against droids
Ep 3: Two white dudes fight. White dude fights a cyborg. Yoda fights an old white dude. Wookiees fight droids. Variety of species of Jedi killed off by stormtroopers.
Ep 4: White dudes fight the Death Star.
Ep 5: White dudes fight AT-ATs.
Ep 6: Admiral Ackbar and Lando lead a bunch of white dudes against a bunch of white dudes. Ewoks fight Stormtroopers.
The prequels showed us a Senate Chamber that was filled with hundreds of different species, so we know they’re out there. But the final battle was represented by four of them (Human, Mon Calimari, Wookiee, whatever species that guy that Lando flew the Falcon with) plus Ewoks. It didn’t really feel like an uprising of all kinds and creeds.
Well, to be fair, it was established that the Emperor was SUPER predjudice and racist, so by film 4, maybe he’s just got a pretty good leash around any Non-white dudes.
There is another black guy in Jedi, but he gets shot down like ASAP once the fight starts…figures…
Ep 4: White dudes under Ackbar fight the Death Star.
Ep 5: White and Black dudes under Ackbar fight AT-ATs driven by White dudes dressed in Natzi-like uniforms.
Ep 6: There was a single random black guy flying for the rebellion that got blown up.
Ackbar wasn’t in episode 4, and Lando was in episode 6, and did not die.
There was an X-Wing pilot who was black; also, the Asian Y-Wing pilot who went splat
You’re right Ackbar wasn’t in Ep 4.
Nope, you’re off, even if you’re pulling EU-ness, Ackbar wasn’t in command of Yavin or Hoth, nor overall command until shortly before Endor.
Mainly because they saved him from being a slave of Tarkin’s. Probably not gonna make the slave you just rescued Admiral of the whole fleet without him practicing and showing his stuff a bit.
Man, I hope that Star Wars series A Clone Apart handles this issue. It seems within their scope, especially since it touches on both eras of the Star Wars movies. Haha! I can see it now…
Danson questions why the diversity of the galaxy is sorely lacking in the Imperial era…hehe…
There’s a lot ret-conning to be done.
Still, most of the white on white combat was due to the fact that most of them were white actors/actresses that they found in England. Even Jabba the Hutt was filled with white English people, one of them a dwarf.
Shut up Yoda…at least Obi-Wan finished his fight…instead of just quitting and running away. Pft.
Sigh, just when I had thought I had finally blocked this movie out of my subconscious you REEL me back in.
Obi-wan: “I don’t know where to look, I don’t know where the emperor sent him”
Yoda: “Ten more seconds of the video, maybe you can watch.”
Well it wasn’t -all- of his limbs, just both of his legs and one arm, the other was already cut off and it good as is.
And very good points were brought up.
I wonder… marvel and/or DC could use a superhero, couldn’t they, who’s like the Punisher but a tad more pragmatic.. call him the CRIPPLER or something. He’d stop murderous villains without quite stooping to their level by just making sure the next nuclear power plant they try to rob plutonium from had better have a wheelchair ramp.
Batman
Yeah. If one considers how bad injuries to the human body can be in real life, Batman is pretty fucked up.
Hey Willis. Your Starfire comic got mentioned at another web comic. http://feywinds.com/
The writer links to a blog article from a mother with young daughter who was not too keen on the new Starfire. Was this inspiration for your comic, or is it possible this bloger might have been inspired by you?
Huh, deja vu. The webcomic Darths & Droids pretty much said the exact same thing. Fairly certain this came first, but still……