“Wow, you were hot until you got fat! …oh hey, I’m going off the market now, g’bye”
Master of tact she is.
That and Mike is rubbing off of her.
For a nickel? Or is that reserved for moms?
Metaphorical moms to hamsters count, probably.
They have a sex jar. Every time Mike sexes her up, he puts a nickel in it. When it’s full, he spends the money buying the most delicious sandwich he can and eats it in front of a starving homeless orphan.
Does she know that he did her mum yet?
I don’t think she knew about tha.
but now is the perfect time for jacob to tell her.
He’ll save it for Amber and Mike’s Wedding. No greater Wedding gift then telling the bride you took the plunge in her mom.
Mike would appreciate the thought.
Well, she hasn’t shouted anything grossly racist yet, so Amber’s still ahead!
It’s oddly comforting that Amber can be wildly, catastrophically insensitive without having to use race to do it.
Building a better world, one insult at a time.
Maybe this is Mike’s ploy…
Oof. That one just hurt to read. So painfully hilarious.
To quote a famous wrestler’s tweet “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”
I can imagine Mike saying the same things except he wouldn’t be saying sorry.
It’s more than a little frightening how perfect they’ve become for each other.
On the plus side, this ought to clear Jacob’s crush right up.
I thought the exact same thing.
The beginning was good, starting off with being genuinely excited about the crush was a good start (even if it was preceded by disbelief). I’d give it a 7. The physical appearance complement was good, but marred by the immediate follow-up. I’m going to have to give that a 4.
I’m not going to be as hard on her for the proposal bit. She’s in a relationship with someone else, and unavailable. Obviously, that would need to come out soon. So the no beating around the bush was, I think, a positive. Still, she might have handled it better. I’m giving it a 6, better than average. But not by much.
“And my mom is coming for the wedding, you should totally meet her! And did you hear that they killed the Ultimate Spider-Man? Good thing, his villains weren’t as cool as Batman’s anyway. Well, can’t chat now, I need to pick Roz up from her doctor’s office. Did you hear the good news, she’s pregnant!”
Willis, if you’re reading this…
Dear People Who Hate Amber,
This is why I like Amber.
As someone who was hating Amber quite intensely for a while I’m actually coming around on her.
Resistance is very bloody difficult.
Resistance = Voltage / Current.
You could argue that Mike is rubbing off on her. Too bad I can’t recommend a good dermatologist.
The question is if she’s rubbing back.
Okay, now that we’ve gotten that off your chest…..lol!
I can down 3 triple baconators EASY! And I’m crazy skinny! 5’11 140-145 LBS, 22 years old. Yeah, Bring it on!
Wait until you’re thirty.
Though I shouldn’t be saying much better, I’m actually smaller than you and occasionally have to eat McD three times a day.
Ah, I remember being 22.
Ho-ho-ho-heh ah.. ha-ha… uh-heh *sob* *sob*…
I’ve got a genetic disorder and never put on weight, no matter what I eat. I eat at Taco bell once a week, KFC often, I eat burger and chips as a snack, I eat 2 litres of ice-cream every weekend (Mint Choc Chip), drink nothing but Appleade and tea (With at least 6 sugars) and eat more chocolate than a chocolate taster.
I’m 25, 6 foot tall and I weigh 9 and a half stone.
I’m guessing there’s a reason you said “disorder”. Problems building muscle, bad nervous or cardiovascular system, anything like that?
If not, copyright that gene stat, once genetic engineering and gene therapy really takes off that’ll be worth a fortune.
The only way Jacob can one-up Amber now is to yell “I DID YOUR MOM” and slam the door in her face.
Thank god for forward planning, eh?
If Jacob says that and Mike finds out, then to quote XKCD: “They should call him Mario, because he just got 1-UP’d.”
Insert foot A into Mouth B.
I know she’s not being an intentional ass, but damn Amber…
The best asses are the ones who aren’t trying.
Yay for double entendres!
I thought the best asses are the ones that won’t hurt your foot after you kick it.
In all honesty, they’re probably not trying to.
I thought putting things in her mouth was Robin’s gimmick, but it looks like Amber is going for a new record for feet.
Insert foot in mouth.
Foot? She’s swallowing the KNEE at this point.
I’m imagining my (long deceased) guinea pig Amber saying this
The squeaky voice makes it perfect :3
Sooo your dead guinea pig is talking to you…?
I’d recommend seeing a psychiatrist.
Smooooooth. Like glass. Window glass. Window glass that’s had a baseball applied to it. I think this analogies gotten out of hand…
Oh, more like fine wine! A bottle you opened to breathe, but accidentally sit for days. It gets more bitter as time goes on. Wait… no, that’s not better…
Maybe she should have brought up Miles Morales.
Ah, Mike, if only you were here to compact the failure with your shiv of guilt on top of his suffering. I half expect that we’ll see a crying Mike off screen, as a feeling of missing a perfect chance to finish somebody off a perfect death blow passes him by.
… That is if Mike ever changed expression to something outside of saddistic anger, scorn, rage, barely withheld violence, and evil joy.
Offscreen, Mike is crying and knows not why.
Nah, he’s sensing that someone somewhere is miserable and that he’s indirectly responsible. It’s like a warm breeze across the blackened remnants of his soul.
More likely, Mike will have an unexplained boner.
DAMMIT HOW IS THAT IN ANY WAY RELATED
you know it doesn’t matter because the expression is so funny.
It’s ok, if they’re playing Awkward Conversations, Jacob can always manage an upset by coming out with “Also, I fucked your mom”
I just realized. At some point, this will come out. Mike will be there.
There will be a high five. I’m calling it now.
And then Mike will punch Jacob for beating him to it.
Recognize that you’re providing an unfortunate emotional beating. Immediately go for the killing blow.
Stick to Mike, Amber. Stick to Mike.
“Oh hey, can you also get a ticket to the concert for my boyfriend?”
– yeah, that one hurt.
I see that Mike is rubbing off on her just nicely.
I love the post college look on guys because it’s real. A little pudge/softness is very sexy to me. I’ll bring home the Baconator. (LOL)
I want to give Jacob a hug…
More insensitivity!? Oh the inhumanity!
So after Amber gets around the awkwardness and “Gets Busy” with Jason, She learns shes Pregnant……And then Ambers’ Mom arrives with a ‘Bun in the Oven’. WOW! 3 Girls Pregnant, Man this is getting better than a Soap Opera.
Jacob tells Amber about getting under cover with her mother.
Gives Jacob what he deserves.
A bill for a nickle.
Amber, you’re not very good at this. Let Mike do it.
All the sorrys and the fact that it is his crush saying this might make it worse than even if Mike was the one saying it while kicking him in the balls.
That was god damn amazing. Considering she is planning to marry Mike, and Amber, what with her history and all, I don’t think Jacob revealing his sexual adventure with her mother would even faze her. Amber and Mike are meant to be.
Why is he gaining weight with the constant cardio?
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