Shortpacked! by David Willis

Discussion (23) ¬

1. 
   The Pletch

   October 18, 2010 at 6:43 pm | # | Reply

   I have always interpreted it this way.

   • 
     Thomas

     April 26, 2011 at 10:03 pm | # | Reply

     I once went to a church camp with a friend. The camp director apparently had ADD (or so he claimed) so as a child, he had a different view of other myths.

     You know that myth where Jesus walks on water and startles those… guys who follow him everywhere? The Director interpreted it as:

     Jesus is bored so he decides to sneak up behind those… guys and scare them. They scream “AHH! GHOST!” and he says, “No It’s just me. Jesus.” After they calm down, Jesus, you know, tells them that if you believe in God you can walk on water. So Luke (or whoever the hell it was, maybe it was Peter) goes for it, and walks on water. Then he does awesome dance moves until he momentarily loses faith and falls in.

     By dance moves, I mean moonwalking, disco, the works.

     This was the highlight of my time there. The rest of it sucked.

     • 
       Kitt

       May 21, 2011 at 11:28 pm | # | Reply

       Win.
     • 
       MacGravatar

       July 22, 2011 at 3:08 am | # | Reply

       Chuck Norris taught Jesus to walk on water. He taught Micharel Jackson to moonwalk. He taught Uncle Ben that with great power, comes great responsibility. He triedto teach Jesus to turn water into whiskey, but Jesus was too much of a wussy light-weight. Chuck Norris taught God how to impregnate a woman with his eyes.

       • 
         omegaultima

         March 6, 2012 at 12:52 pm | # | Reply

         And yet he was still never as good as Bruce Lee.

         • 
           Kaj

           May 29, 2012 at 2:11 pm | # | Reply

           Nah, he lost on purpose. The constant Internet arguments provide extra energy for his Chuck powers.

           • 
             JW

             September 3, 2012 at 1:14 am | # | Reply

             And yet, pretty sure Rory Williams is made of more badass nowadays, with the bonus being that he’s way more adorable when not in Badass Mode.

             Being fictional probably helps, but then again, the vision we have of Mr. Norris is fictional (the real Chuck Norris is an aging, and terrible, C-list actor who supported Mike Huckabee in the ’08 primaries and who had the gall to copyright/trademark the “Chuck Norris Jokes” that he didn’t even come up with. That’s right; he trademarked an internet meme. For profit. One he didn’t even come up with.)

             So, actually, fair comparison.

             Also: despite being at least as badass, Rory williams isn’t an ass. The “Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries” joke would imply he really is that big of an ass even in meme form.

             So either way, Chuck: +0, Rory: +1.

             • 
               rycliffe

               September 14, 2012 at 12:44 pm | # | Reply

               I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m with JW on this one.

               (With 2000 years to think of a joke, you’d think I’d have come up with something better.)
       • 
         dcmeserve

         March 6, 2013 at 11:31 pm | # | Reply

         Well, Liam Neeson taught Obi-Wan Kenobi how to come back after death. So there.
     • 
       Rayri

       September 28, 2011 at 10:23 am | # | Reply

       Your church camp was very different than mine…

       in mine we ate frosting and drank mountain dew and threw Risk figurines at each other and I prevented anyone from eating poison mushrooms (they wanted to get high).
2. 
   Shift

   January 10, 2011 at 3:27 pm | # | Reply

   When I read the bible when I was younger, I thought it odd that the all-mighty was essentially a dead-beat-dad. I mean he knocks up a chick, who is engaged to someone else, doesn’t call her but instead has his angel buddy tell her “you might want to see a doctor” then essentially avoids her and the kid for years, before showing up one day and telling his kid “yeah, I know I didn’t talk to you for.. .well, your entire life, but you gotta do this thing for me…” I bet he didn’t even pay child-support.

   Obviously, I had a lot of interesting discussions with the nuns in my Catholic School.

   • 
     Lesharo

     February 6, 2011 at 11:40 pm | # | Reply

     Except he didn’t even have the guts to tell the kid himself. He made Alan Rickman do it for him.

     • 
       Tristan J

       April 7, 2011 at 9:16 pm | # | Reply

       To be fair, I’d get Alan Rickman to do all my talking if I could.

       • 
         Wackd

         April 9, 2011 at 3:17 pm | # | Reply

         So long as we’re going down that road, isn’t God a lesbian?
   • 
     thomas0comer

     November 21, 2011 at 9:37 pm | # | Reply

     I think “continuing the subscription to the universe’ offsets any lack of child support.
3. 
   Jimmy C

   August 21, 2011 at 5:59 pm | # | Reply

   Why must Shortpacked constantly make fun of religion? I mean, I get it’s supposed to be a joke, but you take this stuff a bit too far.

   • 
     Kirby

     September 8, 2011 at 5:51 pm | # | Reply

     >_> I really hope that’s a joke.
   • 
     Twigs

     November 9, 2011 at 2:06 pm | # | Reply

     Religion is a comedy goldmine. It would be stupid for a cartoonist to ignore that.

     • 
       Clevername

       February 21, 2012 at 7:49 pm | # | Reply

       “Then Jesus said to the fig tree ‘why do you give me no fruit? You shall be cursed and never bear fruit again.’”
       My pastor also told me that Mary was like, 12 when she was pregnant, so there’s that.

       • 
         someguywithakatana

         February 13, 2013 at 10:20 am | # | Reply

         That’s a bit young. More like 14-16.