Shortpacked! by David Willis

Toys are serious business.
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They grow up so homogeneously.

by David Willis on January 14, 2013 at 10:24 pm
Posted In: Blog

I like toys of human characters! Especially important ones. When a show is about Transformers and humans, I want the whole cast, dangit. People are people, too!

So I was excited that Hasbro was making little dudes of all of the Rescue Bots human partners. Well, they tell us they’re gonna make Dani Burns later (we’d better), but we’re for sure getting the dudes! And they all come with a robot in a two-pack. Unlike the toys which predated the television show, these nontransformable robot figures are based on the cartoon designs which were reworked from the toys. So if you looked at Normal Transformable Chase and thought, man, he looks way too happy to be Chase, well, here’s your guy. Your… much smaller guy. (He’s a few inches tall instead of several.) ((I don’t own a ruler.))

The robot guys have way more articulation than I was expecting.  Their heads rotate, which I did expect, but they also have universal-joint shoulders and a rotating wrist and arm weapon.  They also have “sitting” articulation at the waist, but both legs move at the same time.  They’re the same piece, just run through the pelvis.

The humans don’t have any articulation at all.  Bummer.

They’re also all the same size and shape, so they’re not totally on-model.  It’s kind of like Andrew Wildman drew them.


└ Tags: rescue bots
9 Comments

Hey, ladies.

by David Willis on January 12, 2013 at 10:46 pm
Posted In: Blog

For Christmas, the mighty Cholma gave me the gift of underage teenage girls!  I am required by law to state upfront that I absolutely do not harbor any kind of perverse sexual lust towards Asuka Langley ShiftingLastName.  None whatsoever.  I am pretty sure that would be a crime, and I am a law-abiding citizen who lives by a strict moral code.

My gift from Cholma also included Rei, who is your albino mom if your mom had a concussion or something.  Her schtick, other than being your sexy mom, is that she can be bandaged up if you want her to be.  I’m sure this is checking off somebody’s list of fetishes, but it ain’t mine.

And there’s the new girl, Mari.  If you know me, you know I appreciate that she has glasses, but she’s entirely way too into you and how you smell, nor does she hit you or call you stupid, and so I know ahead of time that this relationship just isn’t going to be screwed up enough for me to be interested in it.

I don’t want anyone to come away from these paragraphs with the impression that I don’t absolutely adore Neon Genesis Evangelion, because I do.  I just like to tell myself that I have a healthy attitude towards my love of it.  If you can’t love something despite all its creepy faults, did you ever really love it to begin with?

Anyway, these are Revoltech folks.  They’re hyper-articulated!  And they come with like fifteen billion different hands and a handful of other accessories.  They also come with some variant faces, like Mari’s awesome “I AM SO CRAZY” face and Rei’s “I seriously get bandaged up a lot like all the time” face.  One of the best parts about these sets is that they come with a little translucent box to store their numerous accessories.  This is not only amazingly appreciated, but it also gives you a bunch of boxes with occasional little girl faces.  Just, you know, staring at you.  Disembodied.  I swear, any more of these little faces and my Ego might be destroyed and I might bring upon Third Impact.

Thankfully, I’ve got Ego to spare.

P.S. Don’t be an asshole and talk about the last part of the movie series which hasn’t come over to North America yet.


└ Tags: evangelion

Hockey pucks

by David Willis on January 11, 2013 at 10:25 pm
Posted In: Blog

Yay, I have my Frenzy (red guy) again!  I left him in Memphis, and so Alan had to mail him to me.  Also, now I have Laserbeak (and Soundwave).  I had a $5 Rewards coupon at Toys”R”Us and figgered oh what the hell.  Besides, as of the most recent issue of Robots in Disguise, this data disk form is now repurposed as G1 Laserbeak’s current body.  Guess he’s gonna replace the GDO Skystalker redeco in my display.  It was fun having you around for a few months!

So here’s how this thing is supposed to work.  These guys are these little cylinders, right?  And there is a button on the bottom of them that triggers an auto-transform when it’s depressed.  And so you cram up to three of these dudes inside Soundwave or Soundblaster’s torso, and use a chunk of kibble on his back to push these disks out through the front of his chest like he’s taking a front-poop.  One by one, these disks hit the ground and land on their buttons and spring-transform and you’re done.

EXCEPT IT KIND OF DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY.  Mostly these guys get stuck and then you push and push and push and use excessive force and then when finally one of them gives they all explode out of his chest at the same time, usually hitting you in the face no matter where your face is and then you have a scattering of half-transformed things everywhere.  It would be perfect fun if it worked as advertised, but it really, really doesn’t.  Some folks have said sanding down the insides of their Soundwaves helps smooth things over.  I may try that?  But, man, it’s hard to accept that these things reached stores with their main gimmickry being dead in the water.

Not helping at all are the instructions, which demonstrate you putting the disks into Soundwave with the activation button facing outwards.  oh jesus guys don’t do this ever   I nearly lost a Ratbat by trying this.  They will not come out.  I had to get a screwdriver or something to jam into one of Ratbat’s crevices to get some leverage to yank him out.  It is a testament to the plastic they make these guys outta, though.  These guys are fortunately made of sturdy stuff.

The flying guys are my favorite.  Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, and Ratbat all transform fully by having their buttons depressed, and they do this little flip, and it’s easy to put them back in disk mode.  Laserbeak and Buzzsaw are obviously redecoes of each other, and Ratbat’s a retool.  He’s the same engineering, but reskinned to be a bat instead of a bird.

Frenzy and Rumble are middle-of-the-road to me.  They require a few extra steps to get from “hey i’ve auto transformed” mode into their completed transformation.  You gotta swing down the arms so they’re not doing the wave and fold out their feet.  It takes a little extra time to get them back into disk mode, too.  You have to rotate their pelvis around and maneuver their pelvis and legs down and around at the same time.  A little annoying, but not a dealbreaker.

Ravage is infuriating.  He pops out half-transformed, and then you have to open his back and flip out his tail and then set the back down loosely on top of his body and then open up his hind legs and maybe fiddle around with those a little.  And the result is this awful-looking thing.  He’s got a longer torso than Mike Turner’s Supergirl and an ugly little rat face, with tiny little limbs at both ends.  He is not an attractive thing.  To get him back into disk mode, first you have to let go of the concept of being happy again for the rest of your life.  Then you spend the next several minutes trying to negotiate him back.  Certain parts won’t move into place unless certain other parts are in the middle of whatever they’re doing.  There’s no one-two-three step to him.  It’s all at once and also never at once.  If I could explain it, I could do it, and I can’t do it.  I mean, I can.  After way too long.  And cursing and threatening to destroy all humanity and probably pushing some things in ways they are not meant to be pushed.  It’s not often I am tempted to take a sledgehammer to something I just paid money for.

To add insult to injury is the realization that this toy is this way because of a gimmick that doesn’t work properly.

Let that sink in.

Grargh.


└ Tags: buzzsaw, fall of cybertron, frenzy, generations, laserbeak, ratbat, ravage, rumble, soundwave
11 Comments

I dub this ship Slyquake.

by David Willis on January 11, 2013 at 12:01 am
Posted In: Blog

In the same box from BigBadToyStore as Artfire was Prime Starquake and Dark Energon Wheeljack.  I keep internally calling it my Super Expensive Box of Entirely Redecoes, but I think that title’s taken by BotCon each year.   Skyquake I had on preorder ‘cuz, well, he’s a tailender, so no guarantee he’ll hit stores in great numbers.  Beast Hunters stuff is already coming out, so his time on the shelf is limited.  And I had Dark Energon Wheeljack on preorder ‘cuz he’s friggin’ Slicer.  In fact, he had Decepticon faction symbol Reprolabels stickers on him in about thirty seconds, once I looked up on Transformers Wiki to see whether he had photos taken of him yet.

Because Skyquake has been dead in fiction for years (seriously, he showed up to die in the first episode of Transformers Prime‘s proper first season), I started to come up with a backstory for him.  He doesn’t really have a present- or a future-story, so that’s all he gets.  And, hey, look, he came in a box from BBTS with another guy based on a Europe-only release from the early Nineties.  That’s right, he and Slicer are now super badass partners-in-evil.  In the past.  Before Skyquake got locked in a closet in a mountain on Earth.  Where Slicer is these days, I dunno.


└ Tags: skyquake, slicer, transformers prime, wheeljack
10 Comments

Superman go bye-bye!

by David Willis on January 9, 2013 at 10:14 pm
Posted In: Blog

The last of the Justice League Unlimited three-packs went up last month, and with that I think the JLU toyline is actually over this time, no take-backsies!  And it’s not a bad set to go out on, either, as it’s got Toyman, Firefly, and Dr. Destiny.  Dr. Destiny is a guy I’ve wanted forever because his episode rules.  Also, he’s the only supervillain who’s ever been defeated by Batman singing “Frère Jacques,” which is apparently played on Gotham radio stations.  Also also, he’s basically Skeletor.

Firefly‘s not a bad guy to have, either.  He, um, sets things on fire sometimes.  He coasts by on being a Batman villain.

But everyone’s draw to this set seems to be Toyman, for obvious reasons.  The DCAU Toyman design is one of those great makeovers that I really think should have caught on in the comics long-term.  (I guess at some point there was Toyboy, who looks to play on those same visuals.)  There’s something inherently creepy in DCAU Toyman that some old dude in glasses and a giant bowtie doesn’t manage.  It was one of many things that Superman: The Animated Series got amazingly right.

He also finishes up my Superman Revenge Squad, who showed up in the opening act of “Hereafter,” aka The One Where Superman Dies But Really He Goes To The Future And Meets Vandal Savage, aka one of the best hours of television of all time, thank you Dwayne McDuffie.  I rewatched “Hereafter” this evening before writing this, and Toyman’s inclusion caused something to pop out at me.  I have all of the superhero/supervillains in this episode now except one:  Volcana.  Her three-pack never really reached many stores, and so she’s always been super rare, and then Mattel promised she’d hit stores again in a single pack but then she never did and now she costs $300 on eBay.  Man, I remember when she cost $30 on eBay.  Geez, I was stupid.

And now I don’t have anybody to make my Firefly feel subtextually sexually inadequate.

Ah well.  Toyman.  He’s good!  He’s an entirely new sculpt, obviously, which is why it took so long to get to him.  I remember Mattel saying it was either him or Granny Goodness, and I think they chose well.  All of Mattel’s new JLU sculpts are great, and Toyman is no exception.

So, hey.  JLU is over now, for reals.

Dammit, I was putting off setting up my huge display until I was done.  So now I have to do it.  This is gonna suck.


└ Tags: dr destiny, firefly, justice league, toyman
11 Comments
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