Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
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Frumph.NET
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
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well that was quick
Shall we test this bullet-proof theory of yours Malaya?
No. Testing things is also a nerd thing.
MICHAEL WESTEN (Burn Notice): There’s a reason why they call it “bullet-resistant” glass rather than “bullet-proof”–a big enough bullet can go through ANYTHING.
That was worse than opening with “Good news everyone!” to make me read it in the Professor’s voice!
Good news everyone! I forgot what I was going to say! Also, this comic is a prelude to a cliffhanger tomorrow!
My guess is it having something to do with forgetting about Leslie or FuckFace
Rather, forgetting Leslie or something happening to FuckFace.
My guess is that either Mike, sex (well, a post-sex aftermath), or missing things will be involved. Possibly all three.
Or maybe a “stop being a jerk-face” intervention but that’s not likely.
And I just read that in his voice. Woo, Burn Notice! Also…startstodaywoohoocan’twait
Except water, there was an episode of Mythbusters on it everything. Bullets tend to break up on impact. Sure, it has to be at least a foot deep, but after that no bullet has a chance.
Unless it’s really low-velocity, like from a flintlock.
I’m not sure “stopping dead and then sinking normally” counts as “going through it” in the bullet way.
You just need a big enough bullet. I’m thinking planet-killing meteor should be enough to handle *two* feet of water.
I would very much like to see the bullet that can go through a foot of bulletproof glass.
105mm Armor-Piercing Discarding Sabot Depleted Uranium.
This bullet’s big brother, the 120mm, is guaranteed to go through a foot of STEEL from a kilometer away. Yes, it’s big enough.
I feel reasonably certain that that bullet was not included in the stated Mythbuster episode.
Let me put it another way: I would like to see the side by side where a particular bullet will not penetrate X distance of water but will penetrate the same thickness of bulletproof glass
(okay, I admit, I would also like to see the specific bullets you mention, just for holy crap factor, regardless of their meeting the aforementioned specification)
But my point was more along the lines that the Mythbusters episode certainly doesn’t make water “more bulletproof” than bulletproof glass. If I put enough plain AIR between me and a shooter, it will eventually be enough to stop a bullet (ignoring that gravity’s gonna be an issue long before air resistance is), or jello, or tissue paper, or whatever; how much is enough is going to vary considerably by material and by bullet/gun, but basic physics says you put enough resistance in something’s way, it’ll stop eventually. So while sitting at the bottom of a pool makes you pretty darn bulletproof in the grand scheme of things, I have doubts that it’d be more protective than equal quantities of bulletproof glass.
The beauty of the water solution is it is FAR cheaper than an equal quantity of either bullet-resistant glass or steel, and you can still see through it. The problem is, short of being in a pool of water, to contain and hold the water in position would require something that WOULD be penetrable, otherwise you would be right back where you started with cost. Then, it would be effective for maybe one shot.
This bullet’s big brother, the 120mm APFSDSDU, is guaranteed to blow through a foot of STEEL from a kilometer away. It’s big enough.
OOPS. Again.
A KEP is more like an oversized dart than a bullet. Just throwing it out here.
Yay! Burn Notice fans unite!
And they’ve had an orgy.
I’m calling secret-morning-birthday-party. To teach Malaya how to care. They’d probably need Mike dressed as a care bear to achieve it, but hey.
If this isn’t really what happens, someone needs to get it drawn.
Y-You didn’t even eat anything Malaya…What the Blubbins girl?
Funny thing about not eating, do it enough and it slows your metabolism down.
Wha- That true?
Yup. Not eating makes your body go into calorie-saving starvation mode.
“OMFG winter is here and there is NO MORE FOOD time to go President Madagascar and SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING”
I second it. Or at the very least, Lucy and Ken have done it.
We are the Three Ghosts of Pre-Avengers Movies Past.
Either that, or she missed an epic orgy.
Everything’s patterns Malaya, and we’re just part of the patterns in this plaid shirt of a universe.
Obviously Lucy used her amazing powers of being totally awesome to lay a curse upon Malaya!
Or it’s that 23 year old metabolism thing. Or both. It can be both.
Or Jason from Multiplex got her preggers, and she’s just starting to show! She’s carrying nerdspawn!
Damn you Drama Button, DAMN YOU!!!!
Tag, you mean?
Theory: Wills liked that weird intersection between the Joyce’s purity stories in Dumbing of Age and Roomies! and is just trying to make all his works thematically connected at the same time so he looks smart.
[/joke]
Shit, that was supposed to be a reply to the post below…
Unless that nerdspawn is gestating hyper-fast, based on the comparative in the earlier panels vs the last, I’d say that’s just the shape of her sleepwear.
You know, over in DOA, light that looks like it was filtered through Venetian blinds signified a dream sequence, so obviously Malaya is about to have a freaky-arsed dream.
Wait…
FUCK
I’ll admit her arse looks a little freaky.
Ehh, at DOA, it was moonlight shining through versus morning sun. You can tell because it was still purple-ish.
Nope they are still watching the movies
And then Malaya killed everyone.
She had the munchies in her sleep and ate them.
…I totally missed the girth in the last panel on first read. I guess I was so used to Amber being the main female protagonist for a while…and dear lord, I just referred to Malaya as the main female protagonist…I MEANT LUCY.
It’s so totally Leslie, FOOL.
Why not Robin? I mean, she was arguably as much of a main character as Amber, and she’s still around.
Because I have no idea where the fuck she lives anymore.
Amber specifically said they weren’t taking her to Denver with them, and she’s still front and center on the site’s banner, so I assume she’s exactly where she has always been; right behind you, raiding your fridge whenever you aren’t looking.
I know she’s getting Joe’d, but she has super speed and Joe can probably afford a private jet, so I’m sure they meet up just fine whenever the mood strikes them.
Who needs a private jet when they’ve got Ultra-Car?
Ultra-car: For when you absolutely need to get to the Amazon NOW.
Ultra-car: You humans and your ability to randomly grow multiple sizes overnight.
We NEVER need to get to the Amazon ever, much less now! No, Ultra-car, stay away. DAMMIT, I KNOW NO ONE IN THE AMAZO–::is now in Amazon:: DAMMIT!
Who needs Ultra-Car when you have super speed. Robin could live with Joe in Denver and run to work each day no problem.
And then she walked on Lucy and Jesus doing it on the couch.
(I’m going to Hell.)
Leslie and Jesus would be even weirder for an insane number of reasons.
So I get the feeling Malaya’s going to finally get interesting.
http://www.shortpacked.com/2012/comic/book-13/07-this-continues-to-be-so-babies/undone/
is my legitimate favorate Malaya moment. I don’t care if she went about it wrong.
If by “interesting” you mean “even more annoying and self-centered somehow” then yes, Malaya will get very interesting.
Um…joke?
A horse walked into a bar, and the barman said “Why the long face?”
A bear walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a…..
……
…..
….beer, please.”
And the bartender says, “Why the long paws?”
A neutron walks into a bar.
“How much for a beer?” the neutron asked.
The bartender replied, “For you? No charge.”
A Termite walks into a bar.
He asks “Where’s the Bar tender?”
Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gases in here.”
Argon doesn’t respond.
A Bud Light walks into an alehouse and the bartender says “We don’t serve your kind here.”
The bartender says “Have a nice trip!” and a time traveler walks into a bar.
Doesn’t REACT!
Ack! I am undone!
A dog limps into a Western bar, with a bandage around one foot. As he approaches the bar he growls, “Ah’m lookin’ fer the man who shot mah paw!”
A proton walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says “are you sure?” The proton says “I’m positive”
Two chemists walk into a restaurant. One says, “I’ll have H2O.” The other says, “I’ll have H2O, too.” And then he dies.
A horse walked into a bar, and the batman said “I’m Batman”
a man walks into a bar the guy behind him ducks
Malaya was bragging in a previous comic about her looks, especially given how the new girl is so skinny. Leslie pointed out, sorta, that Malaya is about to hit the age of adulthood where adults tend to put on weight due to metabolism changes.
This was enforced by the “twitching metabolism slider of foreshadowing” which was used in another comic to show Walky turning into a dork.
The joke is that if you look at Malaya in the last panel, she looks like she’s put on about 30 pounds overnight.
The next comic will probably be her staring at the mirror in shock with the slider all the way down, or somesuch, or the last remnants of the crew staring at her as she freaks out, or somesuch.
Although I do have to take issue with all the Malaya haters in the thread today. Yes, she’s a self centered rude jackass, but she doesn’t even rate a 0.01 on the “Zii/Layla Jackass Sue” scale yet.
Ya sure about that? Malaya has literally ruled out EVERYBODY except herself simply because of her stereotyped view of others. She even openly acknowledges it to their face, and judges them all.
She even made a point to go out with a girl (not even knowing that she would have a legitimate interest) just to spite one of the people that she judges.
It’s also worth mentioning that the entire cast deals with her bullshit the best way possible for someone like her: They acknowledge it as little as possible. Malaya’s behavior basically amounts to what hecklers are trying to achieve with their behavior: inventing some false evenizer to put her esteem on the same level as people who actually go through the proper channels to amount to something. You can’t stop a jerk from being a jerk, but you can stop yourself from rewarding a jerk’s behavior. Her contempt for everyone else can’t amount to anymore than making her a pain to deal with if the value of her respect is nil.
Solid explanation.
I keep trying and failing to articulate exactly what about Malaya fills me with so much bile, but today isn’t looking like the day for that. I will say that I perhaps am using a different scale than you are for jackassery. Which Zii and which Layla (i.e. from what) are the calibrating measures here?
I would assume Zii from Menage a 3.
Which is true, in a way. Zii is a horrific Mary Sue/Karma Chameleon. On the other hand, Zii generally does mean well (especially recently), whereas Malaya is stuck in her own little world of less-nerdy-than-thou. And doesn’t care about other people.
There is no way anyone there is worse than Yuki. ><
You mean the person who made an active attempt to deal with a crippling phobia so that she could be with someone whom she liked (and who liked her back), and has only put that on hold for maybe the last week in-comic? I would easily consider Zii a worse character than Yuki, and Dillon worse than both.
To be honest, most of the cast of that comic is unlikeable. Half of them are, at any given time, Karma Chameleons. Gary is a constant Butt Monkey, and is happy to get what scraps the authors toss him.
I haven’t seen Zii or Dillon do anything all that bad to others (in a general sense) that Yuki hasn’t both done and topped on a regular basis, which her phallusophobia doesn’t justify one bit. I’d hardly call Gary a Butt Monkey, considering his horrid, codependant approach to both life and relationships. He has 3 hot chicks fighting over him when he should still have to settle for kleenex, some lotion, and some privacy.
Oh, I thought it was a joke about the routine of waking up every morning being an obvious pattern, and perhaps foreshadowing some sort of nerdy awakening in her. That was just me, given all the talk of her eventual physical aging and, thus, her need for a personality that will allow her to survive amongst the people she hangs out with. Plus… actual joke with punchline.
Actually, I’m going to go with your idea until and unless the next strip explains this better. The joke still falls flat though. Mayala isn’t against patterns, life is patterns. Mayala is against fun and enjoyment of things. There’s really no rational reason for that, so she comes up with this “patterns” BS.
The thing that Willis has failed to show us so far is if Mayala is or isn’t hostile to traditional supposed non-nerdy pasttimes. Professional sports, for example. Truth be told, sports fanatics can be just as bad with their thing as geeks are with our comics and cartoons and toys and science fiction. If you want “patterns”, sports is full of them, with vast amounts of statistics and people who keep track of them religiously. But sports are considered “cool” by whoever decides these things, so there’s no stigma against being a fanatic for sports.
Oh come on. Nobody hates ‘fun’. It’s only other people’s definition of fun that she hates – especially other people she judges as ‘nerds’. That is she’s kind of stuck culturally and socially in the 80s, which in a way makes her a nerd, and that’s what she fears the most.
Huh, I wasn’t sure if she’d gained weight or if it was just that her sleep shirt was hanging at such an angle that it looked that way (as she’s leaning forward a bit and gravity).
So are Not-Amber and Not-Mike going to shack up for the most epic of hatefucks?
They did it thirty-five minutes ago.
Wait, Ken had that whole get-together right on Malaya’s birthday? Wasn’t Malaya doing something with Leslie? Also, what the hell Ken?! I know they’re not the bestest of buddies, but you’d think that Ken would at least be considerate.
Why? Malaya didn’t want to do anything with him, and as far as he knew, didn’t want to do anything at all. So why shouldn’t he have some friends over. Heck, he might not even know when her birthday is.
Right. She never even said anything to him about her birthday arrangements. And it’s possible he arranged this because she said the Avengers movie was good, so he figured she’d participate and enjoy herself.
Conversely, it’s possible he didn’t know it was her birthday, since she never really lets anyone know anything about herself, other than what she hates.
Malaya’s metabolism shift hit even faster than mine did. One day I woke up fat(ter) and still haven’t figured out what the heck I did. Sitting in front of a pc all day at work and all night gaming just may have a little to do with it…worked okay in teens, but once past the 30′s and wham.
Did your work schedule shift dramatically?
Happened to me at about age 22. In college I had a night job, and while during the day you could get plenty of healthy stuff to eat like salads or sushi, at night the only places open served pizza and burritos.
So I ate that stuff. Why not, it’s like I’m fat or anythHOLYCRAP! Two years of eating junk seemed to catch up with me all at once, and I gained thirty pounds in very short order.
Working hours different from what you are used to can negatively effect your metabolize.
Actually, Mogotoo, Ken has no reason whatsoever to show Malaya any consideration. And Malaya had plans with Leslie, but I don’t think Leslie knew about it.
There have been a lot of character changes over the course of this series, but I’m not going to lie, I’m very intrigued to see what the future holds for plump Malaya.
The Moral of the story is:
Watching Marvel movies will keep your metabolism up out of it Sheer Awesomeness.
Don’t believe me?
Look at Jesus on the cross. Dose he not have some damn good abs and pecs?
I feel bad for her.
Malaya’s new name can be Fatass. Fatass and Fuckface, the dynamic duo.
Wouldn’t a bigger butt just make her more attractive? (Hmmm…)
Yeah, I can’t deny.
I’m pretty sure Willis prefers a woman with more space in the posterior.
OH I GOT IT! this story arc is groundhog day
Hey Marigold.
…Too soon?
Oh, she’s supposed to have gained weight overnight? I thought she was just wearing a kind of billowy nightie.
which would be kind of weird to wear to bed by yourself, but whatev.
(and I seriously hope this storyline isn’t just MALAYA GETS FAT AND FEELS BAD because I expect better of you, dude.)
Yeah, not exactly brimming with hope for this plotline.
ha ha ha “brimming”
Man, stop it, you’re giving him ideas.
I hope she walks out and the marathon’s still going.
Wow. so she’s passing up something she admits she’d actually enjoy, because if she didn’t, then according to NO ONE IN THE ROOM BUT HERSELF she’d be doing something nerdy, and — who the hell cares?
She says she doesn’t care about anything, but she seems to care pretty damned hard about not caring. If she honestly didn’t care she’d just watch it if she wanted and not care what anyone thought.
Everyone, feel free to eat all her food, borrow whatever clothes you want–you want a toothbrush? Sure, go ahead, use Malaya’s.
She doesn’t care.
Aaannd?
Awesome puchline/revelation/joke or whatever tomorrow.
I have popcorn already made.
I think that’s the joke. She’s so against doing anything geeky that she is just boring.
Wait… is Malaya suddenly bigger in that last panel?
Probably not. It could be an oversized shirt or something with an empire waistline. Such clothing would flow freely under the bust, giving the illusion of looking heavier or pregnant appearance. Such a dynamic weight change would be strange without alien intervention.
The strip is called “Girthday.” I think that’s a hint that yes, she’s gaining weight.
I’m expectin’ a huge costume party or something tomorrow. Or the sheer disgust of seeing happy people will cause her to curdle.
It’s like an anti-ending.
Ah, she gained weight, and thus “Girthday”.
I am a clever detective, you see.
Well, if this is the way the story is going then I hope she gains a significant amount of weight and not just going from “skinny” to “normal”. Make her huge!
“Nerds love patterns”
Oh yeah, baby. I’mma go tessellate.
With your mom. For a nickel.
(Since Mike says that a lot, it’s a pattern. Nerds love patterns. Mike’s a nerd?)
Well, Lucy at least tried to be friendly this time.
“It makes me bullet proof, huh?” < Wow, Malaya. Your self-assured world view is stunning.
I think that’s what annoys me most when people try to put down nerdiness or nerd culture … they’re trying to put down your enthusiasm and make it something you should be embarrassed about. But having enthusiasm for things (especially stories and art of various mediums) is a great thing!
It’s pretty rude to throw someone a birthday party and do a bunch of stuff that they hate doing, and then call them a jerk for not liking it!