Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Multiplex
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
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Lucy’s about to kick Malaya’s ass! This is gonna be the best arc ever!
Cue Willis’ two and a half week, 57 panel extended fight scene between Malaya and Lucy, a la Peter Griffin vs. giant chicken.
Yes please to both of these things.
To be fair, most girls would do the same in response to that question.
Strangling is so unimaginative, though!
In my professional opinion strangling is the only way to go when it comes to murder. You get to see what kind of person they really are in their final moments
I play trombone. My plan is to hold my breath until I appear dead. Then when they let go I destroy them.
That doesn’t help if they’ve crushed your windpipe.
Do I spy a Fear Street reference?
DDD
You mean strangling as in “with their bare hands”, if I undestand correctly. Maybe it’s more honest, but did you ever think of using a piano string. That’s the sophisticated way to go.
Its the gentleman’s murder tool
I dunno, I keep thinking “Homer Simpson strangling Bart”
Nope. You either run people down with a motorcycle and slash at them with a broken bottle as they go under the funder or you just don’t murder. That is the etiquette.
Unless you are a Harlem Globetrotter and have some really flashy way to kill someone with a basketball and then casually score a three pointer before they death rattle and collapse. But even then, jagged bottle assisted motorcycle crushing is preferred.
Well, this IS still Malaya we’re talking about, after all.
As you do. Of course.
Some weight as in the sum collective weight of the state of rhode island
ooooh. harsh.
At least it was Rhode Island and not one of the bigger states.
HOLY CRAPBASKETS!
QUICK! Kick Malaya in the head.
I love how Lucy just wakes up with Malaya inches away from strangling her and she’s just like ” oh hey. wassup”
To be fair, I’d strangle her too. Kinda on Malaya’s side here.
But why??
To be fair, as much as I love Lucy, that’s a terrible and kinda dickish question
If my brain doesn’t leap out of my skull and force itself into someone elses’, I can be fairly sure I’m not dreaming.
That’s a totally reasonable response to that question.
I prefer “I’m not sure. If my mass has increased, so has my gravatational pull. Do you feel like you are more attracted to me than you were yesterday?”
I’m more attracted to her.) What!? Who said that?
… Great, now you got me shipping it.
A rarity for Malaya, to be honest…
I love how Lucy doesn’t even say anything about Malaya saying ‘as you do’ about dreaming and strangling people.
‘No, I don’t go around strangling people I know when I’m dreaming, but thanks for the insight to your psyche.’
Usually my lucid dreams include make-outs with people I’ll never get.
Malaya’s nightmares consist of make-outs with people she never wants.
Lucy’s dreams include make-outs between people she’ll never meet.
Because they don’t exist.
Wait, you mean that’s not normal?
Well, damn.
How long have these dreams been a constant for you?
Dammit, even in my dreams people are jerks to me.
Daria? That you?
I adore Lucy far more than I‘m amused by Malaya, but one has to admit Lucy was practically asking for that reaction.
That being said – Lucy vs. Malaya – let the battle of the ages begin!
Ya know what would be funny – if they fought and then became friends – it kinda worked for Malaya and Ultra Car – perhaps that’s just how Malaya makes buddies?
We don‘t really see much of Malaya‘s life – maybe she‘s got all kinds of friends all around the place based entirely on pissing them off – getting into fights – and then somehow forging friendship through battle?
Impossible. Malaya lacks the will of a warrior, and only warriors forge friendships through battle.
I don’t know if Ultra Car is a good standard to set. Lucy probably feels different about that kind of thing.
Malaya is a wench who cares only for defeating those she feels are lesser than her and uses violence to solve her problems. Sounds like a warrior to ME.
That’s not a warrior. That’s a coward. Warriors take on those that can actually pose a challenge. You’re mistaking a bully (Malaya) for something she’ll never be (except in crack-fueled fics.)
You said it yourself Yotomoe, she’s a wench. Wenches aren’t warriors. They’re separate classes. You can’t be both dammit!
Malaya would make a good wench.
She might be an adjustable wench.
A Sock-it Wench, if you will.
No, those aren’t wenches anymore, not when they have attachments. Those are doms or mistresses.
Monkey wench
See, I was going to say that, but I was afraid it might be a little bit racist.
I think it’s been pretty clear what we’ve seen of Malaya’s life pretty much covers it, save for her past and her family. That’s kind of a big part of why she is who she is.
For nerd adverse Malaya to be prone to that most manga/anime of tropes, that of the most dire nemesis becoming the most trusted ally…par for the course, really. Carry on.
And then Lucy reaches up and brushes her cheek, and Malaya collapses on top of her sobbing.
I shouldn’t have laughed at this.
I shouldn’t have to ship this now. But I’m gonna.
I’m really hoping that you shouldn’t have laughed at this because it’s a horrible thought, and not because it’s something that’s actually going to happen.
(Not to say that the original comment isn’t brilliant. I love it. But the thought of it actually happening makes me want to stab everything a little bit.)
It’s an End of Evangelion reference.
A+
“I think you’re great the way you are”
“I Don’t need pity from a nerd like you”
I may color this tommorow.
It’s hard to tell but that post above me is a link
Awesome, touching drawing, you talented person you.
I KNOW I should be getting this reference! But I don’t, blast it!
The End of Evangelion movie. Last scene.
A better way to clarify a reference without spoiling things, is to just say where it comes from – e.g. “It’s a Neon Genesis Evangelion reference” would have been better.
Unfortunately Evangelion’s pretty big, especially if you count the manga and the reboot (which I haven’t seen), and there’s lots of sobbing in it; I wouldn’t have got it. I don’t think Kernanator spoiled much (as I said, lots of sobbing), and with his comment I got it just fine! Thanks Kern!
There’s also a fair amount of strangulation in it, too.
And you’re welcome.
I would think that the statute of limitations is up on spoiling Neon Genesis Evangelion. That particular bit of it was made 15 years ago, now.
Malaya, what in the world possessed you to strangle Lucy?
The fat in her brain? Sorry, it was too easy.
So Malaya’s brain is in her pants?
Most people’s are.
She was Closest?
Because she’s a ****ing psycho bitch? Sorry, that one’s been festering inside a long time. Thus far, she’s the least likeable webcomic character I know. Guy from 2 Guys and a Guy has more redeeming qualities than her. I know this just means that, like an actor/actress that makes you hate their evil character, Willis is doing his job, but egad, if a human being existed like this, they would be reviled to death.
Humans like this DO exist. They just tend to keep to themselves. She’d be perfectly fine all by herself in the apartment, but she needs a job. Malaya’s not terrible. She’s just bitter. You don’t know her. You don’t know how she grew up. *rolls neck and wags finger stereotypically*
Humans like this exist and tend to have lots of friends. They just happen to live in universes with higher concentrations of non-nerds, and make some effort not to work in toy stores. If one’s been paying attention, Malaya really only has the following three negative qualities:
1) she’s shallow and crass.
2) she’s scornful of nerds and nerd behavior.
3) she’s accustomed to being popular, in large part for her looks.
It’s not actually hard to find people with these qualities in real life, and if Malaya were around these people she would have little reason to show her bitchy side. She *can* be nice; see how she was around Leslie at the start. She just doesn’t know how to deal with a culture that favors NEEEEEEEEEEEERDS.
Except there are far more negative aspects than that.
To start with, it’s not just scornful of nerds and nerd behavior, it’s straight up scornful of *anything* that she deems unworthy. People who don’t like the same things as her aren’t just weird, they’re lesser people for being nerds.
Next, she is lazy. Very lazy. I don’t really care that much about lazy people until it starts affecting others, like it did when she was introduced: she was completely mooching off her two roommates and abusing their friendship.
Thirdly, she assumes everyone thinks the same way as she does if they’re not “lesser” people. There is absolutely no option for differences of opinion in her mind.
All of this is basically different facets of her being narcissistic and very narrow-minded. These people exist, and have friends who feed into this sort of behavior, usually who have some similar problems themselves.
That basically expands on begbert2′s point about Malaya being of a realistic type of person. It’s all right on the money, too.
On the plus side, as far as people of that type go (I’ve known enough) she’s on of the more inept ones. A better one would’ve found a more enabler-heavy environment.
Oh also. Malaya was only nice to Leslie at first to piss Robin off. It was only when there started being a payoff for being “nice”, did she start really considering being nice. Malaya basically behaved like a “nice guy” in that context.
No, she was nice before she saw Robin looking at them. She just flirted at the start to fuck with Robin which doesn’t make her much different than half the characters as far as I can tell.
Hmm, had to go back and re-read.
http://www.shortpacked.com/2011/comic/book-13/02-the-new-girl/dhalsim/
This is when she first meets Leslie. Hrmmm… it looks like she actually was interested even before Leslie was nice, based off that second panel. I’ll concede that she’s about the same level as some of the other characters -on this front-.
She’s not even the most unlikable character in this comic : /
Well, so much for the “those are Lucy’s pants” theory.
KRAV MAGA THAT BITCH, LUCY!
And this is when Lucy goes into Angry Starfire Mode and gives Malaya the ass-whupping she’s been asking for lo these many months.
Sure she’s choking Lucy but I’m still way more relieved Lucy didn’t sleep with her.
But it would have rivaled Mike and Amber as the most epic of hate fucks.
And then Malaya gets arrested for assault/attempted murder, right?
If that were to happen, she’d probably find Sydney Yus, then everyone would be screwed.
Actually, Lucy’s hair is kind of similar to Sydney’s…
NOTICE HOW YOU’VE NEVER SEEN THEM AT THE SAME TIME.
Lucy is the clone of Sydney Yus’s good side! Quick, look for the cardboard box on its side!
That’s just going to raise more problems!
If Sydney Yus is Insidious does that make Lucy Yus Luscious?
Lucy must’ve been working at Mc Awesomes
Somehow I think it’d be a bad idea for Willis to make (what I’m pretty sure are) the only two black girls in his story twins.
Lucy’s cute without glasses!
She’s cute with them, too!
“So all this time you’ve just been holding yourself back from murdering me.”
“Yes.”
“This seems like the perfect time to insult you then!
Lucy: Officially as dumb as a post.
No, she’s tactically brilliant. She goads Malaya into assaulting her so that she’ll be legally justified in destroying her. Purely in self defense.
Where’s Tara Deenihan when you need her?
How could Lucy tell? We’ve seen her point of view; we’ve seen their relative positions. Unless she can roll her eyes back in her head and see out through holes at the top of it, she’s not going to see the muffintop. She’s barely got an angle on Malaya’s breasts. Unless Malaya’s sporting some visible chin fat, Lucy must be psychic.
Could still be a dream. Lucy saying it’s not doesn’t mean it isn’t.
Plus, she could be guessing.
She can feel a stronger gravitational pull from her.
“But, there’s no way you could have remotely enough mass-”
“My fat was rendered super-dense in a lab accident”.
Of course Malaya’s gained weight, if she starts off every day with a huge-ass invisible burger like the one she’s holding in panel 2.
Man that is some Rapid weight gain….
Woah Lucy. Kinda rude there? Not that Malaya isn’t, but you know. still.
Well, she crashed on a chair and got woken up. She probably is very, very groggy.
if this ends with every side character in that room dying and malaya going to jail, I’m fine with it.
Am I the only person who doesn’t dream about strangling everyone I know?
Yeah, I tend to like the people I know…
Then you’re doing it wrong! Liking people is for nerds!
-Malaya
“A hug is just a strangle you haven’t finished yet.”
Do Malaya, listen to the voices!
So, everyone that argued Malaya isn’t a terrible person? Suck it.
It just occurred to me. Malaya is the Joffrey of Shortpacked!
I guess they’ll just have to give Malaya tap shoes for Christmas
…who the hell says ‘As you do’?
That sounded unnecessarily hostile now that I think about it, but seriously, I have never seen or heard the phrase ‘As you do’ in my entire life. I’ve certainly seen ‘As you were’, but never once have I *ever* heard or seen ‘As you do’.
I wanna say it’s grammatically correct, but given that I’ve never seen the phrase before, I’m uncertain…
British comedians.
Like…?
Eddie Izzard, Bill Bailey, Stephen Fry, Dylan Moran…
I thought they said LIKE you do.
It’s a Britishism that has been imported into geek culture, at least in the circles I travel in.
Hah, so Malaya’s unintentionally channeling geeks.
Yeah, I…I thought it was pretty common. Hear it a lot these days.
A dark twist to the story arc… Malaya actually kills Lucy in cold blood, goes to prison, and the next month or so is the people of Shortpacked working to get over the shock of it all. Punctuated with occasional Batman jokes.
Hey, if Joss Whedon can kill a beloved character unexpectedly and get away with it, why not David Willis?
…you don’t know.
You don’t fucking know.
I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I…
I was thinking more “I’m sorry, this was the best I could do,” or maybe “act with integrity, no regrets,” or “mother, father,” or “sorry, ****,” or… or… or…
Hey, guess what! Shortpacked is a sequel series to a series called “It’s Walky!”, which itself is a sequel series to one called “Roomies!” (These serieses are where all those people at the wedding came from.)
You should read them, because it’s pretty apparent you never have.
UNEXPECTEDLY? Have you seen his work? Killing beloved characters is probably boilerplate in Whedon’s contract.
Shortpacked pulls the Murder Tag?
I was wondering if it was possible to have someone less likable than pre-Amber Mike.
It looks like Malaya’s it.
Not really. Malaya is obviously human and flawed, she gets called on her crap and suffers as a consequence of her actions. Also almost all the fans hate her.
Mike always won, was way more obnoxious and never suffered for it inside or out of universe. In the Dumbing of Age poll he’s been nothing but a douche but is second only to Dina in the poll. He beat on Joe despite the fact going by looks Joe could tie him into a knot.
I mean we can already see this arc is all about beating her down. When did that ever happen to Mike?
In case it’s not clear I don’t like Mike, pre or post Amber.
When has she suffered from her actions so far?
I will admit that Mike’s pretty intolerable and never really got any comeuppance of any sort. The difference is Mike is exaggerated to comic proportions so people can distance themselves from the behavior. He’s not a “real” character.
Malaya suffers in that everyone but Leslie and Ken hates her. Sure, she doesn’t seem to care but its still a consequence. She alone is without friends at Shortpacked.
Ninja Rick has friends? Galasso also seems a little light on the social side. Not to mention Faz only clearing it thanks to his recent acquisition of a possibly-incenstuous opposite sex clone. (Ultra-car on the other hand *does* hang out with the crew on occasion.) Not to mention “checkout mom” who nobody has ever been seen so much as interacting with.
There are a lot of unpopular people working at Shortpacked. Malaya’s just the one that is realistic enough to get under people’s skins.
Galasso and Ninja Rick don’t really seem to care and people are more indifferent to them than hating. Amber was apparently loyal enough to Galasso to pass up Connie’s offer so he may be more liked than we think.
Faz…well, who knows how Faz thinks, he may be happy, he may think he has friends, who knows. Faz however, earned the dislike of his peers much as Malaya has.
Also, I forgot most of them existed.
Looks like my post was removed, which is fine. I’ll just repeat the sentiment:
I don’t “get” this story arc. At all. The characters, the motivations, the set up. All of it. *Whoosh* Over my head.
See? That wasn’t so hard, was it? Much better.
I do my best to respect my readers by creating quality work. Sometimes I succeed, and sometimes I fail, but at bare minimum I would like some of that respect in return. This is my house and I have prepared you a meal — please save your four-letter descriptors for after you leave.
Gotta back Willis up here (and this is aimed at no-one in specific). Some story lines are better than others but ultimately, it’s a free comic. If your not paying for a service then you really have no right to complain when it is not to your liking. If you feel compelled to return here time and again with no vested interest then it appears that he has done his job better than you are willing to admit.
He can complain all he wants, I just want him to remember I’m a human being when he does so.
Plus at the very least, we can wait to see where it is going first before complaining
I fully admit my initial reply was callous and disrespectful. I wasn’t surprised to see it gone and frankly, things are better that it is for everyone involved.
I still don’t get this set up at all. Malaya got fat overnight? Ha-Ha? I guess I’m dense but I don’t see the joke.
Malaya is a vain and shallow bitch. While she was young, she was apparently blessed with a metabolism that allowed her to maintain her figure without any real effort on her part, exacerbating her belief that she’s better than everybody else. She turns 23, her metabolism grinds to a halt, and she develops a bit of a pooch, not even enough to call a gut, paunch, or belly, but she completely loses her shit anyway.
The literal overnight transformation is an exaggeration for the sake of humor. Having known a few people it’s happened to, though, it’s less of an exaggeration than you might think.
Please tell me there’s a Tuesday comic. I NEED to see the follow-up to this.
I’m pretty sure that we’re in a weekdaily update phase at the moment. At least, we were last week.
There are updates all five weekdays this week! Story should be over then.