…Yeah, I’m getting that feeling I’m about to like Malaya even LESS.
Good… Gooooooood, let the hatred flow through you!
I’ve hated Malaya from Day 1, so I’m glad to see my hatred is justified.
I reserve all my hate for real people…
Which does or doesn’t include online strangers?
Don’t hate! Mas.. no nononono… must possess self control to not make horrible joke. … Too late.
I use my hate for everyone and every thing. I’m surprised I haven’t flipped out and stab someone.
Now witness the power of Malaya’s fully armed and operational jelly belly!
Fear will keep the local nerds in line. Fear of being sat on.
Don’t be too proud of this abdominal terror you’ve constructed. The power to destroy a toilet seat is insignificant compared to the power of the Force.
Don’t try to frighten us with your sorcoer ways. Your sad divotion to that ancite religion hasn’t contructed the missing nutierents for a heathy meal. or the clarvonice to find the salad section……”gasp* get… off… me…..
You’re *deliberately* taunting the spelling nazi in me, aren’t you?
Sorcerer devotion ancient nutrients clairvoyance
Yea, it hurt my brain to read that. I am assuming cell phone.
::whispers:: and you missed ‘constructed’ …
::tweaks the nazi’s nose and RUNS!::
I belong in hell
I find your lack of diet plan disturbing.
Sidney was bad enough, you jut had to shoot in a small home. You actually have to go inside Malaya.
Wow, that came out much dirtier than I expected. And I expected it to be dirty!
Well, yeah. It’s going to come out dirty, depending on which exhaust port you end up aiming for.
I am discontinuing this metaphor before we both come to regret it.
That’s no moon…
I hate Malaya so much, I want her in more strips so I can hate her some more!
ANTI-LIFE JUSTIFIES MY HATE!
But that lizard gave her so much charisma
Odd, I just had the distinct feeling that I was actually about to start liking Malaya.
This feels like watching the origin story of female mike.
Eh, not really. Mike has no illusions about his “sunshine” routine. Malaya’s just in denial about how deep in the “raging bitch” closet she really is.
I find it strange the people justify Mike’s dickishness, but Malaya is terrible. Either it’s because he’s an established character, or this is why I can’t have Anthony Bourdain’s job, even though I’m great at being drunk and swearing during travel.
Anywhoozle, I sort of love Malaya. She’s a total dick, and she’s doesn’t give a fuck. It’s sort of refreshing in a female character.
It’s refreshing – when there are good traits to balance them out. Malaya hasn’t really shown those yet. I’m starting to suspect she never will. That’s too close to real life, thus it’s not very refreshing to too many of us. Mike also (as has been established) isn’t nearly the angry, raging, entitled bitch that Malaya is. He’s fully aware the world “owes” him exactly diddly/squat.
Agreed. Plus, something else to remember: It’s not that Malaya’s a dick, and doesn’t give a fuck. She doesn’t even know it. In the last panel, she says (paraphrased) “I’m going to stop pretending to be nice, and just be the bitch I really am.”
Think about that. This entire time, she’s been pretending to be what she considers “nice.”
Bout Time! I was tired of Malaya being such a prissy goody-two-shoes all the time!
Yes Malaya, the world OWES you a hot body for your shitty attitude.
Her hot body was payment for having to hang around obnoxious toy geeks all day.
By that logic, the entire cast of the strip should be gorgeous, for the stupid customers they have to put up with.
I’d say most of them are above average in the looks department. Ethan, Robin, Amber, Mike, Jacob, Leslie, Malaya, and Lucy have all had other characters lust after them.
That really just leaves Ken (who seems at least okay looking), Galasso (who apparently got to diddle a woman at SOME point), Faz (Wen and Ninja Rick like him) and Ninja Rick who…yeah…
That’s more where the art style makes it impossible to tell whether a character is supposed to be attractive or not. I’m talking more in universe; all those characters have had other characters find them attractive at one time or another.
Most real people, even those on the south slope of the bell curve, have people find them attractive at one time or another. And physical attractiveness isn’t the only cause of lust, either. I don’t really think you have much of an objective measure unless a decent percentage of other characters are lusting after a character, preferably based on a visual first impression rather than after getting to know them.
She’s going to take a page from the book of Ultra Car and start dumping people in the Amazon.
You can never go wrong with the classics!
So everything we have seen up till now has been sunshine Malaya ah hell
Oh Malaya. Little Miss Sunshine was a movie, who’s writer has just been tapped to write Star Wars: Episode 7, Star Wars (an inherently nerdy thing which you choose to distance yourself from.) You just mentioned a nerd thing Malaya. *puts on sunglasses*
Ethan and Leslie AREN’T skinny?!
And Malaya was Little Miss Sunshine?!
Wait. We’ve logged onto !dekcaptrohS by accident again, haven’t we?
That needs to be a thing… Where the first panels are last, and the last, first.
Ethan is a perfect hunk of man meat and anyone who says anything different; including his creator, suffers!
[Disturbingly strokes his Ethan figurine and mumbles about how the greying makes Ethan hotter]
It does kinda add insult to injury when people thinner than you talk about themselves being fat.
I’ve always thought that Les had the best body next to Robin.
Strangling is much too nice. Time for some good ol’ fashion castrations.
…She’s being sarcastic right?
At least Mike was a fun violent jerk…Malaya…not so much.
Can Lucy please effectively strangle Malaya and get her out of the way already?
Side note: I’ve been having huge loading issues with the comments on both Shortpacked! and DOA lately, at home and at school. I’ve lost a lot of comments because it’s timed out trying to load it, and my internet’s fine. Tonight I got a 503 initially trying to access the comments. What’s going on?
I’ve had similar issues. My comments generally go through, but it takes a while, and occasionally the page doesn’t reload.
It seems about 50/50 with mine. :/
I have had the same issue. It’s led to some double posts, as well, when it uploads the post I’ve made (after taking several minutes) and then jumps to a “Can Not Find Your Page) page. I go back, can’t find my comment, reload, can’t find my comment, re-post, and I’ve got a double post all of a sudden. Sometimes. Other-times it never loaded.
Lately it just takes a few minutes without the oddity of not displaying the post, or taking me to a “Can’t Find” page, which is an improvement.
I’m not really sure. I don’t know much about my own website. I should ask Frumph.
Beats me, why would…oh, Frumph. My bad.
Jesus Christ, Flumph, I’ve been looking for you everywhere! I’ve got a really wacky dungeon to stock and I need your help. Now get over here and get back in the Folio…
I havent had issues loading the comments, but I have had issues making comments. I get the 503 timeout most of the time when I make a comment.
had a similar problem where it tends to time out or give me a page not found error when I’m posting to teh comments
Funny. I thought it was the other way around. The world was making her unhappy because she was being shit to everyone she met. Which means, if my theory is true…
Well, let’s just say that there is precedent here. Anyone remember Kharisma from Something*Positive? Karma had to bite her on the ass like five times in a row before she wised up.
Please let this story end with Malaya getting a New Friend.
don’t forget the sauce-pot hat…
Yes. That is crucial to its New Friendiness.
Kharisma wised up?
A little, anyway. She at least seems to have ditched her sense of entitlement. I wouldn’t nominate her for sainthood just yet, but she really is better than she used to be.
Having Malaya accidentally self-mutilate herself would improve her immensely. Admittedly, that would be taking a page from Something Positive.
And by wised up, you mean went insane and now deals dope in the creepiest boonies possible? If so, yeah, that’s kind of a Michael Bay’ed up version of where Malaya is heading.
On this day a great evil was unleashed and not the good kind.
Everything was going great until the Fatter Nation attacked.
Only the Mike master of asshole could stop them, but when the world needed him most… he moved to Denver.
My brother and I found the readers’ new favorite character, Lucy. And while she knows a great deal about being universally beloved she’s got a long way to go before she can effectively bitch slap anyone with authority. But I believe… Lucy can make Malaya cry.
Maybe a safe will fall on her.
Malaya is going to realize the little difference between giving back to the world in kind and constantly getting punched in the nose by the world. Also Malaya interpertation of the movie “Little Miss Sunshine” is terrible.
I look forward to Malaya being the first non-seasonal employee to be fired.
This is Golasso we’re talking about. She may get promoted.
He he. She’s going to end up being the new Assistant Manager, isn’t she?
Jacob was fired, Amber just got him his job back eventually.
And technically, the whole cast was fired after they failed to make sufficient sales during Black Friday/the Holiday Season (I forget which) and subsequently locked Galasso downstairs.
Granted, they came back in a matter of months/weeks/days (I forget which), but I feel it should be mentionned.
Malaya finally sorts it all out.
I think she missed the take-away there.
At least my fears that Malaya was turning into a too too nice character has being allayed…
Wait… Malaya is a character?
She is a character. Doesn’t necessarily mean she has though.
That’s some…scary lack of self-awareness there, Malaya.
Scary true to life, you mean?
is… is malaya suppose to be the new mike? cause i don’t think i can support that.
and i really cannot support lucy/malaya.
See, but Mike is actually AWARE of his assholish tendencies.
And he has a certain flair to his actions, an execution that’s thought-out and structured. Mike is magnificent. Malaya’s just a bastard.
At least Mike is lovable.
Yeah, but he wasn’t always. Took him a while to be more than just a plain old jerkass. Maybe there is hope for Malaya yet.
As I recall, Mike became more likeable after the time Walky nearly beat him to death.
It’s worth a try is all I’m saying.
So we should get Walky to nearly beat Malaya to death?
Mike gets quite a lot of leeway after sacrificing his life to save everybody.
Malaya is the new Malaya. A good cast does not have a formula or slots to fill.
Is Ethan’s going to be the straight….err.. I mean, only sane man in Shortpacked?
Ethan’s always been the, er, sane man in Shortpacked!. From literally his first appearances (playing against Galasso), and continuing on through the years playing against six different flavor of excitable toy collector. I’m not sure he’s ever actually been the silly one.
While he’s the sane man of the comic more often than not, there are plenty of strips positioning him as the silly one, generally in matters regarding toys or other geekiness. This, for example.
Despite you being 100% correct, I feel this urge to disagree. Um, uh, his reaction in that comic is perfectly rational and normal! Yeah!
Amber is arguably the straight* man more often than Ethan; when they share a comic is possibly the most common circumstances for him going zany.
* Yes he’s not straight; well she’s not a man so ha.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When comic series give you characters like Malaya, wait for the next comic and hope it has less angsty bs unlikable characters.
When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. MAKE LIFE TAKE THE LEMONS BACK!
When God gives you lemons, you FIND A NEW GOD!!! – Powerthirst, Picnicface.
When life gives you lemons, you toss them back at its face and yell at it until it brings you the damn oranges you asked for in the first place. – Newsradio, Bill McNeal.
When life gives you lemons, make beef stew.
Dadism: when you’re hyper-collapsing soul of sincerity sprinkles the dingo-powder on your familiarly.
I guess I’m the only person that doesn’t HATE Malaya. I don’t know about YOU, but I’d be ready to fuck shit up if I woke up 10+ pounds heavier.
Eh, I don’t hate her. Just don’t like her. I think the best way to describe my reaction to people like her I’ve met in real life is avoidance and slight annoyance with a sidedish of pity.
Ah yes, because that is surely the best reaction to the situation.
Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man whose gonna burn your house down – with the lemons!
Life better give you some sugar and water to go with those lemons, or you’ve made some real crappy lemonade.
So no more little miss sunshine? She’s going to launch a nuclear strike?
Ultra Car knows some launch codes.
Still not getting this storyline.
Is the objective to make people hate Malaya even more? Because I’m fairly sure that was at critical mass already. This just tips her into the “I don’t even care anymore” category.
Though on a personal note I hope this doesn’t lead into a revelation about a tragic past.
You know what though, I don’t even care if she has had a tragic past. There comes a time when one is responsible for one’s own actions, and while a tragic past would make it tougher for her, no doubt, right now she is choosing to be a jerk. At that point, having a tragic past is just a damned excuse for being a prick and not even bothering with social niceties.
You’re going to see character development. By the end of it, everyone will love Malaya. Especially you.
Now admittedly, this may take another fifteen years or so for this to come to completion. But fear not: it is inevitable.
No. No! That’s not true! That’s impossible!
Search your feelings, you know it to be true!
I’m curious if it might be a deconstruction of character growth.
The Malaya character is shaken up & given an opportunity to grow as a person, to become more understanding & sympathetic to others and grow less shallow, and instead doubles down on her negative outlook, arrogance, and attitude.
wouldnt that be character -shrinkage-?
Which honestly happens a lot in real life.
No it doesn’t! Shut up!
Malaya’s gonna straight up murder some babies. And she’s gonna cackle like a lunatic while doing it.
Well, it seems to work for Richard.
Don’t compare Malaya to Richard. At least Richard has charisma.
No, Richard doesn’t have Charisma, Buffy has Charisma.
More like he has charisntma. He’s so horrible he fascinates people.
This…this will end poorly.
In an only-slightly-related segway, when tumblr exploded with the Comic Drama of the day, regarding “fake geek girls” faking the geek to make all the nerdboys love them… the first person I thought of was Malaya.
How do you fake being a geek? I mean, I suppose you could dress the part, but unless you actually *are* a closet geek I’d think your ignorance on geeky subjects would reveal you fairly quickly.
Presumably, by cosplaying while moderately hot. According to Tony Harris:
You don’t need to like something to know a lot about it. Take politics as an example.
Because she thought that that’s what Lucy’s doing? It’s certainly not Malaya herself’s strategy.
Yeah, sorry, badly phrased. I meant that Tony Harris resembled a (much angrier) Malaya when he ranted about it.
“thank god Leslie you’re back” – everyone, whenever they see Leslie.
Eventually she’s going to snap, shout “BUT THERE ISN’T ANY GOD!”, and start running around clubbing people with the popcorn popper.
I was afraid of this.
She is going to seek out Mike and train under him.
No. No, no, no. Bad! Bad commenter! Stop sprinkling dried ‘oh god why’ into the ‘my eyes’ soup!
So, does anybody else suspect Malaya’s on her way to pick another fight with Lucy?
Either that or make a firearm purchase. I hope it is the former.
I hope she doesn’t start binge eating.
“I gained more weight! Therefore, I must hate everyone even MORE! God, I’m miserable. Come to me, Stewarts Ice Cream. You are my only friend…”
Yay, Malaya growth!
That’s why initially awful characters are great; you can’t really go anywhere with Miss-Perfect-Starfire-Fetish.
I’m hoping to wake up* tomorrow morning and find half the cast dead or hospitalized.
*I haven’t slept at all this week so it’ll be more like roll out of bed even more miserable than I am right now.
Unless Malaya turns out to be an alien abductee instilled with the power to outgrow her pants overnight, I’m gonna keep assuming that this is a dream.
The laws of physics are not all that strong here.
Question: Now that Amber’s in Denver, who is the assistant manager?
In other words, who besides Galasso has firing power?
Mu-wha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…
They’re doomed then, Les is too nice… and Malaya is too nice to look at even when she’s charging you with a nuclear warhead strapped to her head with menace in her eyes her voice screaming, “Atomic nutta!”
Galasso never saw it coming. Though he knew he must one day fall, as all emperors do, he had expected (hoped?) that the one to slay him would be his grandson and true heir, or, failing that, his daughter herself or one of her suitors. He had also watched his employees for some warning sign of another coup, particularly the wiry, square-haired blond(e?) whose ability to hate perhaps exceeded his own. How could he have known his end would come instead from addressing one of his employees as “Chubby Boy Whose Name I Do Not Remember?”
Galasso barely had time to open his secret weapons cache before the chocolate-colored mass of cellulose and fury was upon him. The strangulation, administered by practiced hands, was swift and brutal. Yet, after his esophagus collapsed, some fading spark of his consciousness lingered long enough to see her look at his arsenal, first with puzzlement, then with slowly spreading delight.
Ethan would always wonder whether he could have done more that day. Malaya had sometimes regarded him, it seemed, with more curiosity than contempt. If he had been a better role model… Or if Leslie’s shift hadn’t ended an hour earlier, she might have made Malaya see reason, before the body count had begun.
But while Galasso had accumulated his cache for power, Malaya sought only destruction. Police and the National Guard were less than useless. Robin barely managed to get her closest coterie to safety (Joe, Ethan, Manny and Leslie), ignoring Leslie’s insistence that Malaya wouldn’t hurt HER, that she was the key. Asked for her demands by the US government, Malaya simply replied, “FUCKINGLY FUCKING FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCKFUCKS.”
And the city of San Francisco began to sink into the sea.
oh great you spoiled everything
can this at least be made into a filler strip?
Turning such linguistic art into drawn art is impossible. The Ninja Turtle Artists would have to come together at the same time, read the story, and put all their power and skill into the creation for it to be made to it’s full potential.
(Yes I know the names, I just felt a need to poke the nerd bone.)
I-I-I… ALL HAIL MALAYA, THE DESTRUCTOR, ENDER OF WORLDS, and FATTY FAT MCFATTERSON!
Nooooo, Malaya! Stay…um, very occasionally recognizably human!
Somehow I sense a Bag of Nickles being used
Oh, oh. se can grow a bigger asshole?
Yes, she’s got a scaled-up Mike in a cloning tank in the back.
The saddest thing for me, is that aside from being a lot more liberal in her actions, the attitude of a fictional character named Malaya only reinforces a stereotype set out by my future Filipino-American in-laws.
It’s bloody difficult to remind myself that stereotypes are BS when the real an fictional examples I’m exposed to are depressingly well aligned.
You poor, poor man.
Oh and how delicious it will be once she realizes the world is a cruel uncaring place that doesn’t care about her issues and by lashing out will highlight her weaknesses and people will attack those weaknesses with cruel satisfaction. Then she’ll realize how the people at the store were being nice to her the entire time and she’ll realize how much of a %^&! she’s been to them. Thus cutting her deeper. My hopes anyways.
Alright. I’m guessing this makes me the only person for whom this storyline makes me hate Malaya less. She’s been what many would consider sexy and had a wonderful self image of her physical appearance until this point. It’s like she’s realizing that she’s actually one of the mortals and having trouble coming to with it.
And yeah, most of you guys are right. Ethan? Leslie? They aren’t overweight. They must’ve been skin and bones, now they’re a normal healthy weight.
Which reminds me, Willis, will we ever get a cute curvy chick? I mean someone with actual cause to have issues with her appearance, but totally confident because… well, if they know how to do it, chubby(no like morbidly obese) chicks can look REEEEAAAAAL nice. Wait. Amber has enough for me to be happy… but… SHE’S GONE!*Insert sob here)
I mean, it would also be nice to have someone other than the pale asian guy whose name I can’t recall as an overweight male.
Back to the main subject, it would be interesting for Malaya to “Baloon up” to something she thinks is hideious, then actualy not only becoming more respectful of the looks of others, but then changing her “teenage lifestyle habits”, getting back down to … well, I guess what size she is by this strip, no longer with her fat in all the “sexy” places, but a certainly healthy weight, and maybe a healthy attitude towards it.
or is it ?
Either way, most of us can relate to the “Holy SHIT where’d my metabolism go!? I have to eat right an exercise more often?” phase. Well, most of us. I’ve been struggling with my weight since slightly before puberty.
And to anyone considering it, DO NOT skip meals. It’ll ruin your body horridly, and do a number on your bones, stomach and maybe something else.
Come now, a normal American can probably afford to lose one of their daily meals each day, though they’d be much, much better off cutting out their snacks and just shrinking all the meals some.
Skipping all meals, of course, is suicide.
damn. I had a whole response typed out, but my browser said it sent, then froze, effectively eating a well thought out and long comment. so:
To quote a classic movie:
“Let me ‘splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.”
I think this humanizes Malaya, at least as far as the readers are concerned, or as far as this reader is concerned.
I’d love to see a storyline where Malaya gets depressed about the whole weight thing, ending up gaining more, then while gaining an appreciation for those she doesn’t think are up to her standards, finds a way to eat right and exercise, ending up at the weight she is now, having to cope and dress in order to hide the inevitable healthy but not-washboard stomach and other imperfections.
I’m not saying this because I like my ladies with at least a little “meat”, and not just in the areas that are considered “best”. I’d like to see Malaya grow as a character, as opposed to a static character who seems to dislike pretty much everyone. I see that you’re planning something to the effect of “fleshing out” her character. Maybe the other readers will begin to empathize, rather than just hate the character.
While I’m sad to see the leaving of Amber(who had a nice shape and glasses, reminding me of my fiancée) and Mike (who despite his dickishness was a fully rounded and likable character); I’m glad that this will give you more time to develop the others.
I wonder, after her, who could be next? You’ve got me hooked sir, this past week, I was in a hospital and This comic was only surpassed by an actual bed, real food and the ability to listen to music in the heirarchy of things I missed.
You’ve got real storytelling talent, Willis.
ps: While I find Ninja Rick to be boring, it was refreshing to see him in a frame a few days ago.
pps: Yeah, this is the short version of what I wanted to say.
Holy Crap! You mean so far Malaya was being nice? Everybody, run for your lives! For the love of Cheese, if you value your esophagus, run!
I feel like this is the beginning of Malaya becoming the new Mike, as Lucy effectively became the new Amber (Ship it!) Which means if Malaya, doing exactly what Mike had done in previous years with a similar personality, gets shit about it, I’m calling sexism on the Malaya hate. She is Mike. Chocolaty skinned, freckled Mike.
Mike had fun with it though. He was a gleeful asshole. He hated everything but he seemed self aware that he was a comedy bit. Malaya genuinely does not enjoy anything.
Maybe it’s better said this way. Malaya would be happiest living as a hermit because then she wouldn’t have to interact with other people. For Mike that would be torture because without other people around he can’t be a dick to them.
Also, comic-wise, Mike was entertaining and Malaya is not.
Mike was the living embodiment of schadenfreude – he hated everybody and enjoyed making them suffer. He was poison.
Malaya just complains about things to other people. That may change now, but honestly I expect she’ll just bitch more and think that qualifies as taking the gloves off.
If she went full Karkat that’d be one thing, but I don’t think she has the wit for it.
Wait a minute wait a minute! She’s been holding Back!? o_O
She isn’t in prison on charges of second degree murder yet, so yes.
Huh, I did not know most people started losing their metabolism around 23. Apparently, someone forgot to remind mine as I am still skinny as a pole four years later.
Just wait until she notices the stretch marks.
Ah, to be 23 again.
“It’s time I piss off customers and get myself fired.”
Wait, so, this is REAL? She actually gained all that weight overnight?
Well…looks like we’re gonna need some more Karma
one dosage wasn’t enough
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