Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Multiplex
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
Tags
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animated
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conventions
dark of the moon
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guest strip
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©2005-2013 David Willis | Powered by WordPress with ComicPress | Subscribe: RSS | Back to Top ↑
Looks like he found his soul mate, good for him.
when you say soul, you mean figuratively right? cause I don’t think Faz qualifies for one of those.
He has half of one, at least… this being a caucasian female version of him, it presumably has the other half… there are charts and diagrams, most of which involve the vulcanizing the whoopee stick. Also, either Faz has amazing stamina, or Wen (based on tags, I’m assuming that’s her name) counts each time it has left the orifice, by accident or intention.
Or both.
“Amber, this is Wen. We met on chat roulette.”
“(based on tags, I’m assuming that’s her name)”
This made me giggle but that is probably because I am a douche
HAHAHAHAHAHA
That is pretty much the perfect way to return Faz to his incredibly creepy state. Thank you for both amusing me and making me no longer feel bad for him at the same time.
I have nothing to add.
Funeral IS an anagram of “Real Fun”!
Also, I’ve totally been hearing Faz in my head as the English dub of Lin Yao from FMA: Brotherhood.
Huh…now that you mention it, he DOES sound just like him!
Wen…did this happen?
ba- dum, ching
Considering the final line of this page, don’t you think *rimshot* would have been more fitting?
These things are not one in the same?
I see what you did there.
Isn’t that…oh. Ohhhhh…
All I know of Chat Roulette is the Penny Arcade game, so I was immediately envisioning that being how they met… =|
Consider yourself lucky. All I know of chat roulette is people flashing their naughty parts.
…this is a worse thing then it sounds.
The Penny Arcade game is where Gabe says he will draw you and then DRAWS naughty parts. So it’s a very similar thing.
Men. Not people. Men flashing their naughty bits and in some cases, their pieces too.
Boys, more like. How that site hasn’t been shut down yet is anyone’s guess.
Hank Green made a song about it called ‘Having a bad day on Chat Roulette’
Oh gods, there are two of them!
Hi, Wen. Do you happen to know who your father was? Just askin’…
Yeah, Amber’s dad must be solely responsible for a quarter of that town’s population.
If you take a Faz, and make him not a virgin, and stop him trying to get with Amber, is he still a Faz?
He already wasn’t a virgin. Ninja rick, remember?
Like many of us, he probably blocked that imagery out of his head…
as long as he still mentions his penis or ways to make himself sound like the best employee ever he’s Faz. Also that 3rd person
He still has the grin so yeah.
That’s… a little creepy.
No , that’s creepy and a little creeper ….
SSSSSSS…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Seconded.
No, that’s not sufficient.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
This can only go bad places.
It has already gone there. My guess is Willis is just gonna leave this one out there…
Just as expected, the return of Faz’s smile is creepy and put me in a good humor. Also it’s about time Faz’s sexual prowess he’s been talking up has been verified.
It would be even creepier if he was actually really good at it.
And this is new…I’m happy for Amber AND Faz simultaneously. Wen, I’m not so sure about. :/
Wen is a lucky girl, for she has endless Faz at her disposal.
The Faziness has been doubled!
Oh my Cheese, Faz has created a female version of himself in Galasso’s lab. XD
And yet somehow that’s far less disturbing than any of the alternatives I can think of.
That is the true power of Faz.
So, who’s gonna bet that Wen’s another sibling?
That’s exactly what I was wondering.
I’ll put money on that.
I’m pretty sure that’s the entire joke.
And then the tests come back.
“We can’t tell if they’re related or if his DNA is just everywhere we’ve tried to obtain a sample!”
I laughed and vomited in equal measure in response to this comment!
Hahaha lol
Good show, sir.
>_< Ewwwwwwwwwwwww……..
*deep breath*
…wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww………
You ww]in Shortpacked forever. Willis get on this man’s coronation.
That reminds me of a song…
So wait, why’d he keep the Amber pillow around?
Also, isn’t he a little worried about how they have the same damn creepy smile?
…Eh, prolly not anything to worry about.
You know how much body pillows cost? They’re expensive. You don’t burn one until you know you’re over that girl/guy for good.
Faz and Wen seems more incestuous than Faz and Amber.
Aaaand just like that I feel like I need to shower with bleach again.
This gif of me is the only way I can fully express my feelings on this strip.
http://i.imgur.com/zMzEQ.gif
noyce
tanks
Oh. Oh, Man. That’s…awesome.
I knew that the whole Faz thing would either end in tears or hilarity. So glad you picked B.
And now I must contend with the existence of a GIRL with the Faz!Face. Great. All stocked up on nightmares here, won’t need any more for a while.
By this chart you can see that Wen is a normal person, and a logical next step in Faz’s sexual conquest
And lo and behold, it was revealed that God had made two of them! XD
And lo, He looked upon His creations and said, “This is actually pretty horrible you guys.”
I’ pretty sure Blaine made two of them, not God.
The fact that she looks a little like Faz has me worried, siblings all over the city and all.
As far as we know, Blaine only cheated with Korean women, possibly restricted further to Korean Mafia women. A blonde Caucasian has little chance of being related to Faz, although we are dealing with Willis so that doesn’t have to mean anything.
No, no. Rose was in the background a couple strips ago, remember? Still entirely possible.
How many pure Caucasian women do you think are named Wen? Odds are Wen is, like me, a mixed-race kid who inherited Caucasian colouring from one parent.
Although I think it’s a Chinese name, so I guess Blaine went slightly further afield than the Korean community.
I actually figured it was just a weird shortening of ‘Wendy’…
Thank goodness Faz is no longer lusting after his sister. He’s just banging a girl that is eerily similar to him in a world where his father sired many illegitimate children oh goddammit.
…
One would hope; statistically speaking, that she is just a pervert like him…
One would hope – one does hope! [shiver] please…
I think I know where this is going…
“Your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for… sister. So, you have a twin sister. Your feelings have now betrayed her, too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side… then perhaps she will.”
Amber’s baby is going to have quite the family when born, I see….
Amber’s baby is going to pop out, take one look at her family, and climb right back inside.
this is mike and amber’s baby. It will first smile awkwardly and punch the docter in the face
And thus establish its superiority?
(Please let that link work . . .)
Nonono, it’ll come out, smile awkwardly, and kick the doctor in the nuts.
Maybe it will try to crawl back into Mike…
Um…I’m a bit…concerned. Didn’t The Big Bang Theory try this with Jim Parson’s character?
Ah well. So long as we don’t see much of her.
If I remember rightly, having a female similar to Sheldon for him to hang around made the show vaguely watchable instead of horrendous.
Jerry Springer is vaguely watchable. The Walking Dead is vaguely watchable. Big Bang Theory is an abomination.
Oh please. There are some absolutely lovely abominations out there who just need a little love. You don’t to insult them by comparing them to the Big Bang Theory – that is so rude.
Yikes. Why all the BBT hate? Also, Wen is the stuff of nightmares. Make it go awaaaay!
There’s Big Bang Theory hate because Big Bang Theory is terrible.
I like the Big Bang Theory :/
Me too. BBT is better than a good majority of other American tv shows.
I also greatly enjoy Big Bang Theory.
I too in addition also enjoy Big Bang Theory.
Astoundingly enough, sometimes people have different taste from us! It’s you! I have personally met people who thought everything ever written by Joss Whedon was utter shit, for instance, even though I have yet to see something by him that I didn’t at least kind of enjoy, if not become obsessed with. Imagine! People having different tastes!
As for BBT… am I the only person who is like, completely just not caring about it? I mean, not loathing it with the fiery passion of a thousand suns OR enjoying the hell out of it? I caught an episode once, I didn’t find it particularly funny, so I didn’t watch it again. It didn’t move me, but I also didn’t feel the need to write scathing reviews on the interwebs either.
I just find that kind of interesting… either nobody voices opinions anymore unless it’s a strong one, or I’m statistically unusual.
Public scrutiny is such a terrible burden.
Why all the BBT hate?
“Nerd blackface” IIRC. When the punchline to most of the jokes is “Ha ha, you’re a nerd/black/gay,” then comedy has not occurred.
Worse is when a show starts off with some actual merit & then degrades, it’s like Rerun Syndrome only with the comedy instead of the cast.
Uh huh. No offense but the jokes aren’t “Ha that guys a total nerd!” Yes some people will watch and laugh because they said something nerdy, you can’t help that. Hell the first joke out of the gate was a masturbation joke, a fricking masturbation joke. Yes there are jokes containting star trek references and things but that doesn’t make the joke “Ha nerd!”.
Frankly I found a lot of the earlier humor more from how out of her element Penny is. Someone who’s considered well adjusted and probably prides her self on her social skills. Since then it’s only focused less and less on the fact their different and more on their social interactions, since the arrival of Amy in season four I haven’t even seen anything I’d consititute as such a joke. Unless you count Sheldon suggesting Amy take up the Vulcan celibecy thing the name of which presently escapes me.
Not to mention a lot of sex related jokes, it’s a sitcom, there’s jokes it just so happens the cast is “nerds” this time. Big whoop, this isn’t the first time a social group I identify with has been targeted in a sitcom.
Seconded. Yes, the characters are nerds and yes, we laugh at them, but they’re also likeable and admirable. Hell, I’m rather more socially awkward than Leonard without the compensation of being a genius. The guy’s my hero.
While I’m not saying I wholly agree with the charge, and I’m thinking that for a lot of nerds the humor hits too close to home… there is something a little uncomfortable about “nerd humor aimed at non-nerds.”
Again– I don’t have strong opinions on the manner, I was just answering “what’s the problem people have with this show?” question since no one else did.
I watch Big Bang Theory for the female scientists. They are hilarious.
The Big Bang Theory is the name of Ambers’ Dads memoirs, isn’t it?
It’s a cult.
“Allow me to show you a detailed set of charts outlining exactly how many times, in what positions, and the frequency of penetration as well as what techniques were used.”
“We’re very happy.”
Oh god, if Wen has charts…
…. no no no ….. it could be worse ….. she could have … power point X(
But power point can include…animations…
*Brainsplosion*
And sounds.
Every animated diagram of sexual acts is improved by the addition of the stock “screeching tires” noise.
Punnett Square charts?
Oh Faz – you sleaze!
[sitcom music plays]
We’ll be back with more “That’s Our Faz!!!” after a word from our sponsors
But seriously
It’s like with news of the asshole’s death everyone’s life has improved or something.
Next Malaya’s gonna come in with a halo over her head; then she’ll date that guy – um Chun Li (seriously I tire of seeing this joke, but have never done it myself so I wanted to do it once – from now on it’s Ken), Ethan’s gonna find a cute geeky guy with all the same hobbies as him, Jacob will cure his sex addiction AND marry Amber’s mother (that way Amber’s mom can get a piece of the magic happiness her ex’s death has brought forth), Robin will mature a bit and her and Leslie will hook up again, and many more blessing shall pour in. So many that the Drama Tag will all but cease to be a problem and goofy fun will be had by all!
Truly this is the best funeral ever!
Golasso will conquer many countries, ninja rick will hook up with a japanese chick who’s super into cosplay, Ultra car will become a famous pie throwing comedian and valued over all other cars, Robin will not only get to be back as a congresswomen but become president of united states and certain provinces of canada.
It will truly be a better world for this one scumbags death!
Let’s all gorge on sugar – it’s good for you now!
I would watch “That’s Our Faz”. It sounds better than most of what’s on TV.
I like your ideas for all the characters ending up happy. But what happens when Mike’s happy ending involves ruining the happy endings of everyone else?
No No No …. Mikes happy ending is teaming up with Mr T by punching all the FOOs of the world in the face … repeatedly … as Mr T looks on and pities them.
This is inexplicably heartwarming.
Please don’t let them reproduce.
I AM BEGGING YOU.
Thanks for making me imagine that… Eugh.
I was wondering if anyone else had thought of that. “Won’t anyone think of the children?!”, specifically how we can stop the little potential abominations from coming into being?
One can use knock-out drugs with a tranq-gun. Once the “happy couple” is asleep use heavier anesthetics and perform vasectomy and hysterectomy. Then tag and release back into natural habitat.
As soon as I read this, I said “oh God, oh god” out loud to no-one in particular.
I heard you then joined in your cry. O_O Like frightened wolves we howl.
aroooo!
LOL YASS this is the best
o_O
I just threw up in my mouth a little . . . .
Also, I’d like to apologize in advance for the following:
This is Wen Faz gets over Amber.
Pa-dump-tish.
Your dad dumped Tish? Gonna see if I can catch that rebound…
I’m Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite comment on the Citadel.
..wait, the Citadel took a huge explosion in the knee, didn’t it? Crud.
It’s been a while. But I think this situation calls for a dusting-off of the trusty catchphrase:
DAAAAAAAAAAAAMMNNN
YYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU
WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSS
OMG. It may be overworked expression, but … Ah, nm there are no words. There is a question? If Faz had moved on, then why did he still have Ambers pillow intact after he was hooked up, or with, or whatever with Wen -his sure to be sibling by another mother. He did not distroy the pillow until Amber told him the news of their father.
Faz and Wen probably… used it, if you know what i mean.
I did not need to imagine that possibly sibling 3-some . . .
wugh! You are totally correct D:
nnnnnggggnNNNNOOOOOO
that did not take long for faz to go back to his creepy self and now wen added to the the mix for not only finding her on chat roulete is creepy enough but she is acting like the female version of him. and proably another sister
So Faz is dating is other half sister?
That’s nice. I just hope she’s not related. She might not be Blaine’s kid, but maybe Faz’s Mom had a few that she gave up along the way.
Faz is being pretty good this time.
Hey! A happy ending!
Wow, just Wow!
female faz
female faz
FEMALE FAZ
make it go away…
Always two there are, a master and an apprentice…
Well… i guess i’m goign to add “his penis has been in me so many times’ to my list of horrible thigns to say to people i dislike?
He found a girl on CHAT ROULETTE?? But Chat Roulette is choc-full of penises…unless…
I am guessing full of penises was what Wen was expecting of the site when she entered XD
I’m thinking on the lines of Wen being a trap.
So Faz’s position on the Kinsey scale remains intact?
2nd response:
Wen’s next line should totally be “And vice versa”.
“I like the colour of your jib!”
I know XD
“With the Sith, always there are two…”
What.
It begs the question, who was their mother?
I wonder if Wen is from the store it’s name escapes me for the moment across the street.
That one has a Faz equivalent named Zaph. I suppose they could have two Faz’s, but since their shtick is being better than Shortpacked in every way, now that we have two Fazs they probably have zero.
What a revolting development this is.
So how long until she works at the store?
Okay you can take that back anytime now. ANNNNNYYYYYYTIIIMMMMEEEE!
What a strangely perfect couple.
What an interesting turn of events. I can’t wait to see where this new and terrifying development leads.
WHAT THE FUCK
NOOOOOOO
You know I am actually happy for Faz… XD
And she met her girlfriend on chatroulette… for some reason I am not surprised XD
UNCLE FAZ IS THE GREATEST, BAR NONE.
HIS CAPACITY FOR GREATNESS IS ENDLESS.
And don’t you forget it.
To quote my favorite line from “Garfield,” “God made two of ‘em!”
Ba-wha?!
Oh Faz, don’t ever change. May you always be so enlightened.
Seeing him frown for the here was something that I don’t think that I have seen before.
Calling it, Wen is Faz’s blood related sister from the same mother.
You and everyone else.
True dat.
So did Faz meet this girl BEFORE he destroyed the Amber pillow or after? (I’m not clear on how much time passed between Amber telling him about their dad and the funeral)
Faz said he had been over Amber a while before she told him.
Faz said he had stopped trying to date Amber before being told about their Dad. But considering the fact he still had a life-sized pillow of her under his work station at the toy store… well, that kinda calls into question whether or not he was “over her” at that point.
Which could imply that if Faz really did start dating Wen before the news, it means that Faz spent part of their relationships still lusting over Amber.
Oh my god, it’s Game of Thrones.
What a Twist!
Wen Dee, I presume.
You beat me to it.
Wen Dee Zholdfashionedhamburgers?
She must be European.
Seeing as Faz is based on the image of Fazzoli’s mascot I could see him falling for the mascot of Wendy’s, but Wen is a blond and not a red head. She does have freckles so maybe the image has been changed slightly to avoid legal problems.
Wen Diez.
awesome.
@T Campbell: Now whenever Wen speaks, I will imagine her with Wendee Lee’s voice.
Oddly enough, I always pictured Robin as sounding like Wendee Lee.
I guess she always reminded me a little of Haruhi with her energy and ludicrous plans that she doesn’t think through.
Guys, this is going to disgust and horrify you a little bit (as if the strip hadn’t already done that), but enjoy this thought:
Wen is what you would get if Faz had a kid with Leslie.
Yes, congratulations, that is a totally horrifying thought.
Isn’t it time for your regeneration yet?
Just did it. See my “Brainsplosion” up above? Fatal.
Hrm, I had the same thought.
Well, I’m off to vomit!
tra la la barf
So… when does someone break the bad news of his family relationship to the girl he’s with?
Why bother? It’s Faz and Wen, here. Are either of them likely to find someone they’ll be happier with? And think much better off everyone else is with those two ‘settled down’ and not ‘on the prowl’. We don’t know they’re related, and with different mothers it really does leave very little chance of negative effects on potential children, anyway. This really is a case of ‘what they don’t know can’t hurt them’.
I actually agree with you. I mean we don’t know for sure that they’re related. Isn’t it a scientific fact that people are romantically drawn to people who physically resemble them (which is why there’s this weird trend of siblings who didn’t grow up together meeting later in life and developing sexual attractions to each other….oh god…) ANYWAY! Maybe it’s just best to let this one go if it’s there only chance for happiness AND the rest of the world is free from them? I vote for just letting this one go.
Wen is “new” backwards. She’s Faz’s new girl. I see what you did there.
Jesus Christ on a bright pink moped, there’s TWO of them?!
Next time we see Jesus I hope he’s on a bright pink moped?
Oh, there’s much more than two. I think it’s safe to say that the sleaze gene came from Blaine, and he spread it around as much as possible.
So David Willis made this strip specifically because he hates his fans and enjoys watching them suffer?
I believe the correct meme for this scenario is:
“DAMN YOU WILLIS!!!”
Well, that was…there’s just no way to describe this.
They look so happy together.
“So many times”.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! There is another!
*Falls to floor and dies of laughter*
Please tell me Wen isn’t the offspring of Amber’s dad and Leslie’s mom…
Ohhh, good one, I never thought of that possibility.
*Actually screams in horror in back of throat IRL upon seeing last panel*
I bet somewhere’s a village full of these creeps.
Incest! O_O Incest…Cancer?
Horror upon horror, I’ll be seeing this in my nightmares, he might breed.
Well, at least his kids will have Mike’s kids for cousins. You need to have some annoying relatives to get balls out of the sewer, check ice thickness, etc.
I get it, you don’t like him, so you want to harm his children.
Many people believe that Faz should not breed. It’s a small step from that to correcting the mistake after-the-fact.
I get it, you don’t like him, so you want to kill his children.
So, the name and the squint led me to assume that Wen is Asian. But…Asian and blonde?? Does not compute!
Not to mention the freckles and the fact that there is an Anglo-Saxon Christian name for girls that starts with WEN–…
Bwahg!!
well…that last panel has officially given me the “Jibblies”
…JibblieJibblieJibblie
“inside me so many times”, sooo, she is counting each stroke? He is so short in the male size department that he comes out each stroke?? I prefer that to having to belief that he is some kind of bionic rabbit. I see asian looks and blonde hair, so it that a dye job, or is she part asian?
That last panel… ugh. Damn you Willis!!!
Great. Now all I can think of is Faz’s Penis. Thank you.
(Oh God, where is thy mercy in this?!)
I can’t stop thinking about Faz’s uncircumcised penis either, his small, delicate, hairless body, naked beside me…
So…am I the only one who can only read Wen’s line in a tone reserved mostly for horrified victims recounting the events in a deadpan tone?
“So many times. So many, many times.*breaks down crying on the stand, is ushered out by a kindly bailiff*”
On an somewhat unrelated note has anyone seen this video on what happened when you push the DRAMA BUTTON!
http://youtu.be/316AzLYfAzw
It is both insanity and brilliance finely blended together.
Faz is trolling Amber, this is a surprisingly cunning revenge.
You saw it, you can’t unsee it!
So… Does anybody else see a miniature Faz-faced Leslie with a ponytail?
I would Fuck Faz
Aww, Amber trying to be a big sis to Faz.
How hilarious, Faz been over her for a long time and now with his female counterpart.
Truly, there is a lid for every pot.
Oh God this is a weird place to end my archive binge
Faz and Wen begot Dab and Dab unbegot everything. HA AH HAAH HAAAHHAA AHA AHAAAAAAAAH! *fire consumes everything, Soggies Rule, then the fire consumes the Soggies too. *
“Faz is great, and so is his capacity for forgiveness.” Megalomania aside, my opinion of him has gone way up for that line.
Oh, dear gosh, I so hope those two are not related…
Soo…
Is she a half sibling too?