Robin was never seen again.
Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Multiplex
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Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
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First she pulls the fucking drama tag, now this!?
Good one, Mike.
And it’s probably true.
Infact he probably did that and then set up for robin to replace the birth control on purpose for that.
There are much easier ways to torture your girlfriend into murdering her friend, and as Mikes refusal to kill Faz show, he prefers the easy way.
Well, that was a good run, but I guess Robin is now dead.
Run For Your Life if you can little girl–John Lennon
I have no words, and yet, must comment.
Aww Mike tried to do a nice thing =D
A very Mike nice thing even.
Honestly I’m erring on the side of Mike lying about this whole thing just to get Amber to try to murder Robin.
he did manage to direct Amber’s rage onto Robin its a good thing for robin she can run fast.
Yeah, but he got to do a nice thing through violence and intimidation.
They almost cancel each other out.
Aww. He DOES love her!
Robin needs a shave by the looks of it.
Agreed. She looks like she has Homer Simpson’s stubble.
Maybe Mike swapped her mints with steroids as revenge.
Doh!
That’s the shadow of doom of a person six inches shorter than you looming over you.
Dun dun DUUUUUUUNNNNN. . .
I had almost forgotten Robin was responsible for that.
Mike didn’t.
And that’s when I killed her officer.
She’s pregnant. She might be able to get away with it.
Why did you kill her officer?
I’m curious too. What did the officer ever do
Probably tried to intervene. Big mistake.
I think Mike is carrying out his revenge against Robin, probably because the scorpions failed.
Oh Mike. Never change.
Oh Jeeze…I’ve been on the internet FAR TOO LONG today…
My first thought when reading this: “LOL! U MAD, AMBER?”
*headdesk*
Did you follow up with an exaggerated lopsided grimace?
Yeah, you probably need to unplug.
N-n-no!!!
…Maybe…
…Yes.
Dang it! *leaves interwebs*
Oh and what TMNT figures is she talking about? *looks them up*
Dear sweet Turtle Jesus. I must have both sets…
I would totally buy ninja turtle jesus. I think he would have a white headband.
He fights with ninja-carpentry tools, and can miraculously turn water into pizza sauce.
I fully support this idea. But we can’t just call him “Ninja Turtle Jesus”. He needs an Italian Renaissance name like the others.
I vote we call him Botticelli.
Dear god…
Oh, good. She never did get her beating for that.
Who wants Mike to become their new Step-dad?
For a nickel?
$300 dollar strollers and $500 cribs? Damn, retail pays well….yeah right.
One’s wages don’t affect how much things cost. They do, however, affect whether you can afford to buy them.
Most cribs don’t cost $500. Seriously. And most strollers don’t cost $300. You can get a quality item of each for a lot less.
She is probably exagerating, the rant would have gotten confused ifshe had to break down exactly what all was eating all of her paycheck. There are more cost to having babies than strollers and cribs after all, but having her calculate the cost of all of her doctors and saving for diapers and clothing and food and putting aside for college etc (plus the cost of the wedding, maybe)… that would have made for a weaker joke.
But yeah, if she is really spending that much she needs to hit up some thrift stores fr srs.
It’s Amber’s own fault if she’s buying $300 strollers and $500 cribs, but it makes sense. Years of toy fandom have made her a more perfect consumer, such that she is easily seduced by advertising and brand names. Just wait till she starts buying toys for the tummy toad and then not letting him take them out of the packages!
Mike is a war hero, remember. SEMME paid off its ex-agents big time to keep them quiet (according to Willis.) AND he works two jobs.
It’s plausible, I guess.
Well, Robin’s doomed.
Maybe if she uses her Congressional pension to buy Amber all of both sets, she’ll be forgiven. Or at least, allowed to live.
“Members who participated in the congressional pension system are vested after five (5) years of service.”
How long was Robin in Congress?
Ooh! Looks like Amber is about to borrow Alice’s Fist Of Death*!
* (Alice from Dilbert)
Well, maybe Amber will use a modifier and just punch her into next week.
This Mike is freakin’ me out, man!
Freaking you out? I call it a reasonable negotiation tactic.
Reasonable? Negotiating? And you’re not freaked right out of your mind right now? Bad things, man! Bad things! And what’s with his face in 3, 5 and 6? He’s not scowling. He’s not drunk. Is Mike high?
Let see, classic Turtles or baby strollers? Hmmm…. tough choices. We can’ have both now, can we?
Is there a TMNT baby stroller in distribution somewhere? Maybe designed so that when you pull out that overhanging part that protects from rain and shiz the baby is inside the shell part of the turtle? That might soften the blow a bit for Amber.
No, it needs to look like a mini Turtle Van.
You see, commenters? You see what happens when you react with glee at the prospect of Malaya dying? Willis kills the other self-centered, insensitive, Leslie’s heart-breaking, minority female character. Now watch as Malaya takes over the strip!
Next week: Malaya pulls the “Horror Tag”, and suddenly Ethan has a backstory as the Zodiac Killer, while Amber’s unborn child manifests its abductee heritage and bursts out of her abdomen like a Xenomorph! Can Roz slay the vampire while dealing with Faz’s demonic possession? Will Ninja Rick really die seven days after watching that episode of Naruto? Will Mike…be Mike?! Find out, on “It’s Malaya”!
…I think I need some sleep.:)
NOOOOOOOO! DON’T KILL ROBIN!!!!
Ethan… the Zodiac Killer… [looks at Ethan] But he’s such a stud I don’t really care. I love you Ethan!
I don’t know about Zodiac, but I can totally see Ethan rocking the Ted Bundy look with the gold VW Beetle.
On second thought, I think he’d bet much better as Charles Manson.
He was the figurehead for a cult at one point, even if it wasn’t his idea.
Unless this webcomic runs for another few decades, Ethan (despite his greying) is still too young to fit the age for Zodiac’s earliest victims. Wait, unless you’re talking about someone who killed off Zodiac from He-Man, and then I totally missed when that happened.
I don’t. I think you should write that one. And robin would become the fastest zombie ever!
I don’t think braaaiiiins contain enough sugar for Robin’s taste.
She’d probably stumble around demanding “Maaarshmaaalllooow Peeeeeps….”
She’d have to feed her victims tons of sugar before killing them.
It puts the Pixy Stix on its tongue or else it gets the hose again…
Maybe do a reverse-Fly kind of thing and regurgitate a sugar solution onto her victims before feeding.
I’d read the hell out of that comic.
…Actually, I’m okay with Robin dying in retrospect. In spite of how seemingly endearing her odd ways are, she IS a selfish crazy bitch who has had too many things go right without actually earning them.
And finally all the people demanding horrific and disturbing snuff scenes involving Robin are still not going to get what they want because Willis isn’t a psychopath.
I doubt Mike did this. I do. Call me a skeptic.
Yes because if Robin had not mixed up her birth control this would’ve been a nice thing for him to do. I’m not really all that worried for Robin since she’s about as strong as Mike if not faster so she could probably outrun a pregnant homicidal Amber.
I don’t. DrunkMike has admitted that he actually loves her. Granted it’s DrunkMike, but still. It’s something that he would never have had to take credit for, allowing him to maintain his asshole exterior, AND gives him the opportunity to threaten someone, and potentially fuck a mom. Seems kinda Classic Mike to me.
And this is how Robin finally dies…
Oh Mike… I’d believe this, except for the fact you did it to be nice to Amber.
I was WONDERING when someone would point out to Robin that sabotaging birth control is SRS BSNS
Promise?
Is anyone else reading Robin’s Uh-oh in a Scooby voice?
Ruh-roh.
Doing a Wikipedia search on the properties they own, it’s more like they’re too busy producing “nothing of worth” rather than nothing at all.
Nothing at all.
NOTHING AT ALL.
*Insert stupid sexy Flanders joke here*
I think they already did.
Wouldn’t it make sense to have Robin pay for the Ninja Turtle toys after her thoughtlessly messing with the pills? Seems like the least a person could do in that situation.
That would require a little more forethought than Robin usually puts into her actions.
She’ll probably try to do something sitcomy-short-sighted, like build Amber a crib. Out of Ninja Turtles. Hilarity ensues.
$300 for a stroller and $500 for a crib? Holy Poop, has this woman never heard of a baby registry?
Baby registry aside, to me $300 for a stroller and $500 for a crib seems steep. Ridiculously expensive even, especially for the crib.
I figure there’s a good 40% chance this kid will have super strength, considering his heritage*. Titanium cribs don’t come cheap.
*And might even be immune to criticism.
Wait… super-human baby… normal-ish awkward girl… super powered douche…
All that’s missing is having Jacob imprint on the baby.
I don’t know – Amber isn’t quite sociopathic enough to be Bella and Mike is much less creepy than Edward…
But she is…
http://www.shortpacked.com/2008/comic/book-8/02-autumn/mummyonahorse/
http://www.shortpacked.com/2008/comic/book-8/02-autumn/mummyswingingfromabandage/
http://www.shortpacked.com/2008/comic/book-8/02-autumn/mummyvsgreasers/
http://www.shortpacked.com/2008/comic/book-8/02-autumn/autograph/
http://www.shortpacked.com/2008/comic/book-8/02-autumn/rocketscience/
it isn’t that there aren’t cheaper strollers and cribs, it’s just that a lot of parents want “the best” for their child. “the best” meaning over-priced items that serve no purpose after a year or two.
OTOH, you get what you pay for, and a caring parent doesn’t really want to take the chance of that cheap, $20 crib falling apart while Baby is in it.
And, as was pointed out above, Mike’s abductee strength may pass on to the child — making that cheap, Walmart balsa wood crib an even less desirable option.
Okay, but there is a HUGE difference between $500 and $20. Really. You can get a really good crib for around $200. Some are even cheaper.
Eh, do what they did in the olden days. Put your baby in a onesie and nail the onesie to a board. That kid ain’t goin’ ANYWHERE.
Classic first time parent mistake. Just cuz something cost a bundle doesn’t mean it awesome. You gotta search around and find the first time parents who are selling all their expensive stuff 5 months after they bought it for supercheap when they realize they don’t use/need it anymore.
no joke. my older brother had a son and then a year later my best friend did as well. since my brother and his wife aren’t having any more kids, they’ve been giving away all the outgrown clothes and toys to my friend. i swear i drop off a garbage bag or two full of stuff every month. it’s ridiculous.
if i ever have a kid, that little snot goblin is getting everything secondhand.
I grew up with four siblings. Inheriting clothes etc was pretty much a matter-of-fact. You can get a lot of mileage out of that stuff.
Hyper-Articulate 80′s Ninja turtles?!?
(quickly scrolls down to Willis’s blog to see the news of these toys, finds 7 posts about transformers)
DAMNIT YOU LITTLE FOUR EYED TRANSFORMERS GEEK! WHERE’S MY TURTLES COVERAGE?!?
http://www.comicsalliance.com/2012/02/01/new-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-toys-playmates-2012/
I’m sorry, that was out of line. But yay!
=O I want — nay, *NEED* — two of the “Classic Cartoon” style Donatellos (“Donatellis”? “Donatellisus”? “Donatellisis”?…): one to open and one to keep in package & place in a small shrine!! =D
I miss all my old TMNT figures. Had more than 3/4th of the whole run from when they were first released in 1988 up to about 1996. Stupid me, when I moved to WA. for the first time, I left ‘em with a friend in two 50 gallon style drums (they were heavy cardboard type containers for cotton, not metal): he and his little brother got bored one day so they shot most of ‘em with BB guns and .22 rifles. :’( Even my small collection of Bucky O’Hare figures were destroyed.
Lords, I hated him for that way back when… >=(
Where was I?
Oh, yeah – short story long, these will be a nice replacement for my childhood toys.
Just hope a new Casey Jones, Mondo Gecko, Rat King and fly style Baxter Stockman get made.
And that playset!!!! Oh Em Gee! That’s fraxing HUGE!! I would have killed as a kid to get a chance to play with it for 30mins, and more to actually own it!! *DROOL!*
Only gripe I have, just as an odd contention with reality: where the Hell’s the steering wheel supposed to be in the Shellraiser van if it has an opening ramp in the front of the vehicle and the two on each side of it? Just… weird, ya know?
- a_o_t_8.
Wow, they really pulled out all the stops. The figures look great (especially the faces) and that New York sewer & alley playset is insaaaane.
Funny thing was that one of the main birth control pill maunfacturers had a major recall recently. Something about a mixup involving sugar pills.
Can you say “Class Action Lawsuit”? I knew you could.
Oops. Spelled “manufacturers” wrong. :/
Just chalk it up to a “clerical error” and hope no one notices.
perhaps amber can get in on that. no doubt she could afford the baby stuff along with her mario game and new tmnt toys.
who am i kidding, we all know children are living money vaccuums.
That was the best laugh of the week thus far. Thank you.
It’s funny because it was the most-romantic gesture Mike could have ever done.
Red eyes?
…I’m scared now. Somebody hold me ;.;
Dammit, Willis! I LIKED Robin. =P
Aww, that’s the kind of boyfriend I hope to be someday. Jerk with a heart of gold as opposed to, you know, dumbass with a heart of jerk.
It’s a fine line.
So, Robin’s dead?
Yay!
Now, if only a tragic traffic accident could be arranged for Ultra-Car…
. . .While Faz is driving.
Nah, Faz has to be around as Mike’s designated punching bag, so characters of actual importance only get psychologically abused, not physically.
plus i can only understand things when faz is there to supply charts and graphs. faz should be a teacher. at an all-girl school.
Pfft.
I have two (soon to be three) kids, and have never spent more than $20 bucks on a brand new stroller. I never used a crib, (they’re quite unnecessary,) but you can definitely get them for much <$500.
If you're going to waste money on overpriced crap, don't go complaining that you're broke.
Aw, that was sweet.
Even under the wraths of hell, Amber is so adorable.
I gotta say, those super-expensive cribs? I slept in mine for like, two days. Maximum. Then my mom checked on me in the night and my hands and feet were blue, so I slept with Mommy and Daddy from then on. I guess what I’m trying to say is…
Don’t buy cribs, Amber! Buy toys!
I really, really hate Mike. Really. But without him this update wouldn’t exist. And this update is hilarious.
And it wouldn’t surprise me if he made up the whole thing.
Dear walky.
Each of those last three pannels is a masterpiece. Pure quill. Perfect mike, perfect amber, perfect robin.
How does it feel to have achieved perfection? You made autistic who had a VERY VERY bad day at work actualy laugh with this, so thanks
$300 for a stroller? $500 for a crib? Amber, honey, co-sleep and get a sling, if you’re that tight on money. oi.
That last thing Mike said has to be a Lie. This is Mike he only went to playmates and forced them to put effort into their toys AFTER knowing Amber was preggers because well he’s Mike.
yup. if he really did it to be nice, he would have been drunk at the playmates offices. that and he wouldn’t have acknowledged his nice actions while sober.
Mike can totes be nice when sober so long as that niceness takes the form of meanness directed at other people.
Well, they look better than most playmates toys, not that that’s saying much.
Is there a possibility Mike is still frakking other moms?
it occurred to me that mike already has two jobs. so what’s going to happen when the baby arrives? three jobs? four? and will mike continue to have a different personality for each job?
And then Mike was all like: “AND YOU MAKE SURE THOSE THINGS ARE SO ARTICULATED – EVEN THE FINGERS ARE ARTICULATED!!” And Playmates is like: “But we don’t know how to do articulation! Do you mean awkward cut joints?”
Didn’t Amber say she just dumped her birth control pills in a bowl? Thats not how they work. She probably would have gotten pregnant without Robin.
Wait I reread the archives and Robin said she had to put them back in a container. She really ate her pills from the container.
Even if she had, you can still use them that way. I don’t know why you would, but you could. If you have a monophasic pill, just dump the active pills in a bowl, ditch the placebos, and make sure you take one every day for three weeks, with a week off.
Personally, though, I find keeping them in their package is useful if I can’t remember whether I took the pill that day.
EVERYTHING Mike said is the TRUTH Because….
1) Mike really does love Amber.(why??? you ask. Because she has seen him at his worst{sober} and has seen him as DrunkMike{ yes, its all one word.} and prefers him sober{go figure}.)
2) The Knobs at Playmates needed to have some sense beaten into them.
3) Robin is responsible (by her own admission, no less) for the mix-up with Ambers “mints”.
4) This is a test with two purposes a) if being pregent with an Abductee’s child will give the Non-Abductee mother any abilitys. And b) If the adrenalin of sheer terror will work as well as sugar in activating Robin’s abductee power. ( having an” aunt” who eats nothing but sugar would be a bad example for the Warnerling.)(wait that means mike is being a Good DAD {in his own way, of course.}My mind hurts).
5) the prospect of a girlfight will bring Faz out of hiding so Mike can give him his daily beating. (possible future brother-in-law or not Faz needs Beating!!!!)
I haven’t seen the new Classic Turtles figures but dear God those new one’s based on the new show are awful.
They showed these fantastic toy’s on MTVGeek and then next thing I know Mikey doesn’t have a chain on his Nunchuck’s anymore.
Huh? It’s got chains. One of them’s been replaced with a kusarigama, though.
The new show figures look a lot like the old Eastman & Laird comic, just with color coded masks.
Thanks Willis, you made my day.
Even with Robin’s super speed, I doubt that she will be able to get away from an angry, pregnant, Amber.
Is it me, or are Amber’s boobs getting bigger with every strip?
well pregnancy does increase the boobs
Your phrasing looks like you’re saying pregnancy increases the quantity rather than the volume.
Hey if Robin needs some place to chill out away from angry mom to be , I got plenty of room in my apartment.Of course the only catch is I only got one bed >;)
Here’s the mind boggling question for the day: Did Mike actually flat out admit to having done something nice?
yes, but only because doing so would cause further pain.
did amber not like the neca turtles? i just got raph, he’s pretty awsome.
“Nothing at all”?
I’m hardly a huge fan of Family Guy, but that’s just cold, man.
(Also they apparently made figures of famous Mexican Luchadores, but damn if I ever saw them.)
A year ago, those Family Guy toys weren’t out yet.
They were announced at Toy Fair though!
Yes, true.
You know, for someone who doesn’t want a baby, she sure is having one.
poor amber mike tries to show how much he cares by getting her the tmnt figures of her dreams and robin screws it up messing with her birth control wonder where amber hid robins body.
500 dollars for a crib? Someone needs to shop around before putting down that much cash. Unless your crib was built by the Amish, you’re just throwin’ money away..ditto on the strollers. Get yourself a 200 dollar crib, a stroller for 150, and you’ll have some cash left over to get a few games. Problem solved. 500 dollar cribs are for people who reproduce at a quiver-full rate and need something that will last up to a 13th pregnancy.
Or for people like Amber who might be just a smidge overzealous when it comes to the whole ‘being a good parent’ thing. Does she need the $500 crib? Unlikely.
But she’d probably stress out more over the $200 crib versus the $500 one, judging from her behavior with the hamster.
Yeah. Pretty sure she has no idea what she’s doing in the parenting department and just wants to make sure she doesn’t screw up. Not all that unique a situation for the first child.
RUN ROBIN RUN!!!
She really needs to shop around, my older sis found the same crib (slightly used) at a yard sale for $100 and it was at target for $400. It’s like, look before you buy girl, you’ll still be a great mom with a cheaper crib.
Wow…we’re actually seeing an expression on sober Mike that isn’t “scowl” or “scowl with a bit of a change.” Off the top of my head, I can remember that happening all of twice before.
I’d fully believe Mike really did this for Amber. We know he wants her to be happy; he showed that when he tried to break up with her (in a very Mike way) for her own good. Amber will be happy, and just think of all the fanboy whining about how the toys aren’t JUST how THEY think they should be…music to Mike’s ears…
…And I still find myself wondering where the hell Robin’s sense of taste is. Birth control tends to the bitter side.
I know Amber’s pain. I never found the NECA Eastman and Laird TMNT figures (the ones styled after the original comics, complete with all red masks) and now they go for a small fortune online, when you can find them at all that is.
Ugh, great. That was supposed to be “http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RedEyesTakeWarning” with a “Oh boy, here we go”. >_<
Robin, why must you destroy everything you love?
Shortpacked!Science
Pregnancy gives you red eyes.
THIS HAS BEEN SHORTPACKED!SCIENCE
*The More You Know*
Dab?
Damnit. I really want panel 2 sans text and caption bubble as a wallpaper.
http://itswalky.tumblr.com/post/17331467538/a-wallpaper-was-requested
that looks like perfect fodder for a rant meme
Meep. Fear.
I know the last two panels are what make this comic funny, but they still bug me a little.
Because while Robin is largely responsible for Amber’s getting pregnant in the first place, it was Amber’s decision to keep the baby (or even carry it to term). It’s no fault of Robin’s that Amber can’t afford those turtles.