I half expected Malaya to realize she herself is a soulless machine. Alas it wasn’t meant to be.
She’s too full of herself to realise that.
No, Malaya is a soulless meat-bag, there is a difference you know.
The differences revolve mainly around the low-availability of replacement parts for meatbags.
Getting said parts involves a ‘volunteer’, a scalpel, bathtub and lots of ice.
And the annoying tendency of the meat-bags to quickly deteriorate when missing the more important parts.
The difference between a soulless machine and soulless meatbag? The machine always has the potential to get reprogrammed and thus get a personality that has more depth than “shallow, hateful bitch.”
Ain’t we all?
I wouldn’t, Ultra Car. I wouldn’t.
Seriously, RUN HER OVER.
THOU ART THEE ART THOU RUN HER OVER WITH THE CAR DOITDOITDOITDOITDOIT
Was that… a Persona reference? Can you run people over in a Persona game? Or is there some GTA mod that has Personas in it?
Match made in… Shortpacked!
Awww… there’s not a word yet for old friends who just met.
Muppet Movie reference. Nice.
(Seriously, there are people I knew a decade before I met them in person.)
“And that Malaya chick? God, what a fuckin’ bitch! She really needs to learn she’s not God’s greatest gift to humans”
“Oh and ultra car thinks he’s the greatest thing ever just because he’s a talking car. What’s with the fucking pies anyway?”
She’s gonna get pied.
Does she actually have a soft spot for Ken? Her face…shifted.
Well, we all know Ryu has a hard spot for Malaya…
My apologies. I couldn’t resist.
Yeah… at first I was like “Oh hey, a sympathetic moment” but then I was like “Oh wait it’s Malaya.”
Ha! it’s so true. Plues, it’s Ultra-Car, and I haven’t cared about Ultra-Car in any meaningful way since… near the end of It’s Walky, pretty much. To be honest, i forget he’s there, because he’s really just a poor-man’s Mike – an asshole, but not an asshole who’s in any way interesting. Just like Malaya! Maybe the storeroom will catch fire or something. I can dream.
Ah, Malaya…but does Ultra-Car get wood for Leslie? No, but you do. (How deep Malaya’s feelings for Leslie go, emotionally, remains to be seen, but the attraction’s there.)
Better not let your new automotive friend find out!
Ultra-car does not get wood. He gets titanium.
Now I see how Malaya really fits into the cast. She has someone she can relate to, not just antagonize or sex-up! It makes her more human.
And makes Ultra-Car more, umm, automobile.
For real. Wow, Willis! Managing to find a character who can bring depth to Ultra-Car? Respect.
And speaking of respect, UC cutting slack to a meat-job? Damn!
I’m a little surprised that she doesn’t have anything else to say about Ken.
Probably because she already knew him before she started working at the store.
AWWWW, You can practically feel the hove between the two.
It’s a hove-fest breaking out here. Feel the hove! I hove it!
Yeah, and Robin. She thinks she’s so funny, but puh-leeeze!
And Galasso. What does he think he’ll take over, a dumpster?
And don’t even TALK to me about Ultra-Car. A talking CAR? How original!
And Leslie, sheesh. “I’m a Lesbian!” THAT’s original!
And then there’s Malaya. Really, who does SHE think she is!
And Mike, sheesh. Yeah, you think you’re mean. Way to go.
…dang, they’re right. This IS fun!
I wonder if these two will be SP!’s answer to Statler and Waldorf.
“Answer to us? What was the question?”
“How do we make something like them, but worse”
“Do ho ho ho ho!”
This should happen. Somehow Ethan needs to appear at a theater with a balcony they can hurl pies from.
For some reason, I imagine Ethan as Shortpacked!’s answer to Sam the Eagle.
Oh god I would love for this to happen.
And then Amazi-Girl can show up to stop them with a vicious karate chop. “Hiyaaaah!”
Ninja Rick = Gonzo The Great
Amazi-Girl = Miss Piggy
Galasso = Swedish Chef
Mike = The Mad Bomber
Robin = Fozzie Bear
Leslie = Kermit
Faz = that stupid talking shrimp that everyone hates.
Pepe is awesome.
Almost everybody, then?
I dunno. I only ever saw one thing he was in and that movie was terrible. And he wasn’t a particularly good part of it.
Meh. He’s just Rizzo the Rat but they made him dumber and gave him an unjustifiably big ego and a delusion that he’s a ladies man (hence the Faz comparison). And a gig shilling for Long John Silver’s, for some reason.
Though I admit, if Faz ever got a gig as a restaurant spokesman, I would go out of sheer morbid fascination.
does the second floor of the store work?
Wow…that pause there when she was trying to insult Ken and her “insult” and look. Me think Malaya really does like Ken just hates his dicking around instead of telling her he likes her. I’m calling that here and now.
My only hope is that if/when that happens Robin can get her lesbian back. I want at least one of our non-hetero relationships back
That Ken bit was MONEY, though
This is why Malaya is the best character.
Yeah screw all these losers! How dare they exist and live their lives and not actually do anything to deserve such contempt. Screw them!
I was kind of hoping it would be revealed that the entire cast was within earshot of Ultra Car of Malaya. Or just Leslie would have been good.
I’m hoping that they set a (pie?-)trap and Leslie walks into it.
Doesn’t UC auto-record all conversations for archival? I seem to remember that from somewhere….
I guess it says something about me that I just feel really sad for both of them. It’s gotta come from a deep place of insecurity to view others in such a skewed, miserable way.
We know something of Ultra-Car’s past, but Malaya is still a mystery. She can’t be too intolerable seeing as how Ken and that other roommate haven’t booted her out.
Ken’s enamoured of her. Young guys will put up with a lot of shit in the hope of getting the girl, even if the girl in question is not interested.
Cargo Shipping no less.
I wonder if Malaya was sent back in time to eliminate Amber because her offspring will be the key to humanity’s survival in the future, after Skynet becomes self aware and starts a nuclear war?
That would be awesome, but if so Malaya is the least motivated terminator ever
Obviously the Terminator is Fuckface. Malaya is just his cheval.
Malaya’s hesitant criticism of Ken is revealing, I think. I realize the readership’s default assumption is that EVERYTHING Malaya says and does is made of 100% crystalline bitch, but add up their scenes together and it really seems like she cares about Ken… just not in the way he wants her to. She seems to have decided Ethan’s just an out-and-out loser after he piqued her curiosity for a bit, but she thinks Ken would be okay if he’d just follow a certain path to improvement.
And I can’t wait for Robin to discover that Malaya, already Leslie’s new lover, is now Ultra Car’s new best friend, too.
Ooh, I wonder if M will get to Robin, and UC will be like “actually, she’s okay.” I mean, he’s got contempt for everybody, but seems to have a tiny bit less for her.
I was thinking “What’ll happen when Malaya mentions Robin and UC mentions Lesli”
If Robin finds out she shall go all Reverse Flash on Malaya. Which I wouldnt mind seeing. Malaya needs to be taken down a peg or two, and learn she isnt the greatest thing ever.
I love UC’s line about Amber.
UC’s childfree philosophy makes pretty good sense for him!
I believe he’s previously made his opinion of human procreative behaviors clear.
So it turns out that I can stand strips featuring Malaya, when the alternative is hamster death.
I figured out the difference between Mike and Malaya. Malaya thinks she is better than everyone else and feels a need to keep others down, while Mike just likes being an asshole.
“Ken needs to grow a spine”? Could it be that Malaya’s thing with Leslie is nothing but crazy scheme to make him jealous and provoke him into doing just that?
Nah, can’t be that entirely. There’s also the fact that it pisses off Robin she likely considered.
So Ken is Shinji to Malaya’s Asuka? mHmmmmmm!
I was waiting for Malaya to trash Robin and Ultra Car to retort… but guess not
It’s easy to hate. Empathy is hard.
I sympathize with UC’s lack of empathy. Malaya’s…less so.
Her remark on Ken is… interesting. Not really an insult, not the way she insults the others, almost an invitation. I almost wonder if she wishes he made an overt move when the door might still have been open.
(Don’t tell me she’s a lesbian. This is Shortpacked.)
She is, at the least, bi.
What, did Ultra Car just insult Ninja Rick? How dare he. I demand retribution.
… until his sword has tasted blood. For a nickel.
Yes. This is your current future, Malaya. Alone, in a garage, unremembered and avoided by everyone, because you’re so unpleasant to be around. If she manages to realize that’s what’s staring her in the face, I’ll be very impressed. I expect her to miss out on that fact until her meanness causes her to lose Leslie, though. That will be the wake-up call.
Nope, Malaya is still not remotely likable for me.
“Six million”… wait, what? Are we talking about the same thing? I’m pretty sure that more than six million women in the U.S. have been pregnant.
I would imagine that that number reflects the number currently pregnant.
*Tehsigh* You guys are such babies! Yeah Malaya’s mean, but I want to know more about her past. We know so little about her and that’s what makes her interesting. What makes a person so prickly? Even if it’s not justifiable, it provides understanding and character development. I mean, I was a Malaya, and apparently that changed. People can change! A magical concept, I know. But perhaps we are all just reflecting on this too personally to some extent. Just shut the eff up and see what happens, would you, rather than whining every step of the way? I mean how many updates has it been since her intro? Yeesh.
We all know that people can change but when you come off as a rude and mean and bitchy in every single interaction people aren’t going to cut you a lot of slack. I’m not going to pretend that Malaya isn’t a bitch just because she has the potential to be a good person or might have a tragic backstory to justify her behavior. She has the potential to become a decent person but potential is nothing until it’s realized. So unless she actually makes an effort to change I’m not going to stop criticizing her and I’m certainly not going to shut up about it.
This can only lead to hilarity. Both in the comic and in regards to the raging hate-boners people stroke over Malaya.
jeez malaya is a bitch, please don’t change that i like getting mad at fictional characters who reflect my co workers personalities in a creepily accurate way.
as annoying as i think malaya is, she’s got a point. faz is korean.
Half-korean. …is there a Korean word for mulatto?
Next comic: Malaya and Ultra Car drops everyone in the Amazon.
My favorite comment was the one about Ninja Rick. It’s so spot-on. I had almost completely forgotten Ethan does stand-up.
Malaya is the worst character ever….
Yeah, we get it, you’re rebellious and edgy…so is Collin Ferrel and no one likes him either.
I wouldn’t go that far. Colin Farrel has been pretty awesome in his recent stuff…particularly when he skews towards the comedic (seriously, check out “Horrible Bosses”). Though I think he’s kinda calmed down from the “rebellious and edgy” stuff, too, which may explain the little boost his career seems to be experiencing of late.
I like how people seem to despise Malaya and adore Mike, even though (to me at least) they seem like almost the EXACT SAME CHARACTER. Except Malaya more closely resembles an actual human being instead of an omniscient force of nature.
The difference is that Mike is amoral, and Malaya is immoral. Mike does things because he can. He does nasty things to people, yes. but he also does good things. Malaya does things simply because she knows they are wrong, and she wants somebody to get hurt.
That really shows in the previous strip (the dialogue below is paraphrased):
Malaya: Why do you want to hurt people?
Ultra Car: Because…
Malaya: That’s a good reason.
Malaya/Ultra Car OTP
Come on ultracar. Run her the fuck over. then dump the body in the amazon
Surprised they didn’t say anything about Robin or Les, or even Gallaso. xD
Need to save something for the next page.
Aaaaand, as of panel 6, Malaya is finally starting to be interesting.
I like my soulless machines to have at least a little bit of humanity. I still don’t like her (as a person), but now at least I can connect to her on some level, so that when something bad does finally happen to her, I might actually give a $#!+.
Can I slap her? PLEEEEEEEEASE?!
And what exactly does Malaya have to offer that’s so great? Ultra-Car is at least an AI vehicles of advanced tech. Malaya remains a just a run of the rude girl with an undeserved superiority complex.
Jesus Malaya sucks.
Jesus Malaya eye-rolled at your sins.
Faz and Malaya need to have a super-fatawesoem mini-series were they team up, reveal their hidden depths and fight against Amber’s father, who now controls the San Francisco mob via all his bastard half-Asian children; they have the smex then they realize that THEY THMEMSELVES are both some of his bastard half-Asian Children, they then return to SP! the same assholes they always were but friends, while not realizing the guy whose ass they kicked was Amber’s Dad.
Wow….every time she speaks, I dislike her more, I mean…she’s got more looks than she has personality or intelligence, she seems to dislike people on the basis that they exist, not that they’ve actually really said or done anything to incur this. She’s literally unlikeable for me.
Which is why my mini-series idea NEEDS TO HAPPEN.
Strawman Has A Point.
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