Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Multiplex
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
Tags
amber
animated
batman
botcon
conquest
conventions
dark of the moon
david willis
dinobot
drew
duncan
ethan
faz
galasso
generations
gijoe
guest strip
hamsters
homosexuality
jacob
jesus
joe
justice league
ken
leslie
malaya
megatron
merch
mike
ninja rick
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optimus prime
politics
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robin desanto
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roz
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©2005-2013 David Willis | Powered by WordPress with ComicPress | Subscribe: RSS | Back to Top ↑
I would have though “never engage Faz in conversation” would have been one of the first lessons at employee training.
I would have thought the first lesson is to never pull plastic metaphors for themes out of the walls of the store rooms…
It’s in the manual, but few new hires make it past the chapter on proper grovelling techniques, and the songbook of hymns to almighty Galasso.
Which is a shame, because that means they never find the “Sire an heir with my daughter” coupons in the back.
The great Faz would solve all of his problems in this way, yes?
I’m starting to think Faz is the Walkyverse version of M’aiq the Liar.
“Sarting”?
“Sarting”?
Sarting? What’s sarting?
M’aiq hears of this word sarting; he wonder why man is discontent with starting.
M’aiq wishes he had a stick of fishes to give you. Sadly, he does not.
Of course not! If you tell all the new employees about that, you can’t pawn him off on them to escape.
Poor Leslie. Does this mean she hasn’t had any since she dumped Robin?
Sure she did. But it was still with Robin.
Didn’t stop her from being dumped, though.
Hm, she should take your TARDIS and go back to when she was still with her to tap it
Then go forward to the dates with Ms. B-*censored*. What? I can’t say b-*censored*. Since when it a four syllable word evil? Anyway, yeah.
What? It’s not technically cheating if she’s actually with Robin at that time.
I can neither confirm nor deny at this time that Robin has ever traveled in the Tardis. I also have no comment on the rumors that she is in any way responsible for the following:
* The death of Hitler
* The invention of the Marshmallow Peep
* Inspiring the creation of superhero Impulse
* Giving Leslie a copy of Return of the Jedi when she was eight.
All your first base are belong to us
I’m in ur first base, killin ur d00dz
I made u a sekund base, but i eeted it.
Leslie deserves better.
…Why?
The only person in this verse that deserves Malaya is Faz.
She’s a basically decent and patient person who has suffered a lot already in love, whose major flaws are seem only to be poor taste in partners and an excessive tolerance for BS, probably stemming from desperation.
Why doesn’t she deserve better?
I was under the impression that she *liked* Robin’s BS. Well, the part of it that doesn’t involve sleeping with other people.
I was saying that she deserves better than Malaya. Her BS is infinitely worse than Robin’s.
There’s BS in the form of madcap adventures, and then there’s BS in the form of emotional neglect.
Keep in mind that she was after Robin for over 2 years before Robin finally took notice and reciprocated, and her first real introduction into the plot was to be used as angle to try to get Ethan. Remember when she once tried dressing up as a candy bar to get through to Robin? That takes a lot of tenacity and a little self-delusion / desperation to get through all that.
Not that that flaw makes her a bad person. She does deserve better than Malaya, but who doesn’t? Some people just aren’t made for a relationship, and Malaya’s one of them.
I would have said that Faz will most likely die a virgin, but then I remember that encounter with Ninja Rick…
Damn, nice snap. Wish my lines were that good. I was just going to say ‘And suddenly Faz’s level of failure makes even the virgins shunned by other desperate virgins pity him.’
Don’t forget Sarah Palin
She needs to “on Deck” him.
And in his mind that lady who will be the first to pleasure Faz is still most likely Amber.
To my knowledge he still doesn’t know that she’s his sister. The question we must ask now is: if he were to ever find out, would that change his plans?
I would sure as fuck hope so.
Hope is one thing, Faz is a very different…..thing.
It’s Faz. What do you think?
Obvious Response: No, it probably wouldn’t change his plans much, if at all.
I seriously doubt it. He’s been shipping himself with Amber for years. He’s never had a sibling relationship with her. Plus, IIRC, Faz is pretty kinky; finding out Amber is his sister would probably turn him on.
In a way, Faz reminds me of a friend of mine, who used to have the same trouble with women. This friend used to occasionally wish he’d had a sister, because that would mean he’d probably have had a better chance of getting laid. -_-
…which, really, explains a lot about why he wasn’t.
It probably contributed, but he was creepy in other ways, too.
Wait… I thought “first base” was “Kissing”.
I think first base is when one pair of lips meet with another pair of lips. A peck in a cheek is hardly first base.
It is the new millennium, don’t be so puritanical.
The goalposts have been moved in sexual baseball.
Who moved my sexual cheese?
look, i know with all the back and forth it can be confusing, but this is how it goes:
first base is who
second base is what
third base is i don’t know
why is at left field
because is at center field
the pitcher is tomorrow
the catcher is today
and shortstop? i don’t care
I don’t give a damn.
Shortstop *sounds of screaming by a little pudgy guy”
I’d like to add, though this is difficult or impossible to confirm, my belief that Right Field is Naturally. Though the right field position is never mentioned, Abbott’s reaction to Costello thinking the first baseman is Naturally strongly implies that there is, in fact, someone somewhere on the team named Naturally.
There was a board game based on the routine which filled in the missing name as “Nobody”:
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/23496/whos-on-first
I think “Naturally” is a good fit, though.
Oh god, my mouth is fused to your FAAACE! FAAAAAACCEEE!
So you noticed that too? Ha haha
I checked the comments today only to make sure this had been addressed. ^_^
Same here.
I thought maybe Leslie had a Malaya shaped zit.
I thought first base was when the weasel goes pop?
No, wait, that’s 3rd Bass.
Third Bass is a position found primarily in large bands.
Ironic, since they were a small group that played no instruments.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3rd_Bass
The possibility of Faz getting first base with any women is pretty much as the same as the possibility as me having a good day.
I guess Faz could pay for a lady, or do his delusions make him think he is above that bit of commerce?
Wait a minute, Leslie is still not on first base? So, who’s on first then?
I don’t know?
Third base!
Yes.
Tom Baker.
who is on first, what is on second, and i don’t know is on third.
I smell Robin having to smack Malaya down in the near future.
Yes, because “I just beat up your current girlfriend” is the perfect way to get back with your ex.
Who said it’d get them back together?
I’ve been following Shortpacked since it “started” in 2003, and I just reread the archive. That means having some perspective and noticing that when Faz was originally hired, he used pronouns. Including “me”!
My mind, he is blown.
First panel is kind of sudden… I had to check to make sure I didn’t miss a page.
NUH! i want it to be robinxleslie! ;-; not lesliexmalaya! Dx
MalayaxUltracar OTP!
YES!
…Wait, did Willis draw Leslie from the other side.
MIND BLOWN.
Probably not. He admitted some time ago that he draws her from the left and then has to flip her digitally.
Seems your mind is still hovering at first base, not blown (third base).
Yup, the swoop in her bangs suddenly changed directions. DAMN YOU WILLIS!!!
I believe that technically the ‘swoop’ in her bangs just curves back, so that as you rotate around it the direction it appears to curve switches to match the slope of her forehead, and is not indicative of flipping.
Not Blown – Mascot.
what, what is your picture from? I must know!
According to Angel from Girls With Slongshots, the first base for a lesbian is “She’s not straight” which Leslie cleared pretty quickly here(though failed it pretty soundly with robin).
since when were those two actually a couple?
Since about the time they went to Dark of the Moon with the full intention of making out through the entire movie.
Damnit Leslie…
I just realised I’m the same age as Leslie…
I always thought she was older…
Not sure if I feel old or young as a result…
wow, thats depressing- even by faz’s definition, i have never been to first base.
i need to get out and find a girlfriend.
no wait, i need to shower, shave, brush me teeth, write my dissatation, pass my degree, get a succseful carrer, then retire comfotably. dammit, i have no room in my life for a life.
Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.
Source your quotes, damn it!
(John Lennon said the quote)
(Also nobody cares except me)
I have a question. Have Faz and Leslie ever actually talked before today’s strip?
Leslie’s use of the word “still” in the final word balloon strongly implies that they have talked before. Have they done so on panel? /shrug/ Search me. Or search the archive, that’d prolly be more productive.
I dunno, Mistah Willis, I liked today’s DoA better, for some reason.
I can’t possibly -BOOBIES- imagine why.
Why is it that NOBODY (Except Ultracar) understands that Malaya is pure evil? I am now starting to lose sympathy for Leslie.
Thing is, she’s not pure evil. She’s pure annoying – to people she feels like annoying. (And lots of the characters have noticed that.) And beyond that, to Leslie she’s just pure, er, slightly clever and amusing snark? Oh, and DAT ASS. Quite a bit of that. But the point is that the things we hate her for are things that can be turned off in a heartbeat, and Leslie has seen little to none of that side of Malaya.
She’s seen that side of her- for example, at the Mike/Amber proposal. She just knows that Malaya chooses not to act like a jerk to her because she likes her.
I think I have given up on Leslie and Robin getting back together… but it’s okay. While I certainly would LOVE to have them get back together, life doesn’t work that way all the time. Sometimes these things are permanent. But people must move on.
Even though I utterly DESPISE Malaya… If Leslie is happy with her then I think everything is fine. 8)
The final step is acceptance.
…Is it weird that I kinda missed seeing Faz around?
Yes. (well, you asked)
Aww. Malaya’s kind of growing on me a little.
Boo.
To clarify I DO NOT like Malaya. Dislike her INTENSELY! I don’t like her being attached to a character I like, especially one I like as much as Leslie. I’m not in Robin’s court, I don’t dilsike Malaya ’cause she’s Robin’s competition. Honestly? I don’t like Robin’s character a whole lot, but I do like her a whole hell of a lot better than Malaya.
Ninja Rick needs to have sex with Fuckface somehow.
Worse ship ever!
Faz/Galasso shippers might challenge that.
The top bar ad would have better fit on the previous page.
For posterity: https://imgur.com/GPhGn
It’s okay Leslie, I just turned 30 and I have the same trouble with women. I don’t know anyone like Faz though, thank god.
Wait– Leslie’s only 27?!
Ah, hell.
And here I was, thinking the “older” woman who had already been married and divorced (and yet who still could attract hot young chicks) was at least in her mid-thirties. Maybe even very early forties? You know. Like, my age.
Nope. She’s twenty-seven.
God damn. Now I feel so old. Damn you, Willis?
*Siiiiiiigh*
Maybe she’s been DC rebooted… you know like after the reboot somehow inexplicably everything that happened before the reboot still happened except now it’s only been 5 years and Batman is only 28.
I guess I can work with that. If I get to be 32. XD
Shes lying abot her age. Leslie said she saw ROTJ aged 8. ROTJ was released in 1983, 1983 minus 8 equals 1975. Shes 36.
I’m 27 and I saw RoTJ when I was four.
There’s an astounding invention that allows you to see movies that came out in the past.
It’s called a Tardis.
In that case, my TARDIS broke when I tried to watch Young Frankenstein.
She never said she saw it in the theatre.
Even if she had, they used to keep copies of the film stock at our local art houses, so there is nothing saying she could not have seen it during a special event after the movie was 9 years old.
Even if she had, all three movies from the original trilogy were re-released around the mid-90′s.
and I saw them all in theatre
…sadly I am too young to have seen the originals in theatre…
My first thought was “That’s not right…Batman Beyond wasn’t even out at that time.” Then I realized I’m a terrible Star Wars fan.
Yeah me too. But now I really wanna see Return of the Joker again.
Netflix time!
Aww, I don’t get to see Faz be chauvinistic to his sister? I had hoped for a good exaggeration of mansplanation speeches.
I just, why is it that all the characters I DON’T LIKE get whatever they want, and Robin’s life is just a horrible pile of everyone not liking her.
See “smart people make the right decisions” in DoA.
Oh an she’s a cocktease(?) on top of all of that, to?! Jesus Willis, when you make it…
Shortpacked to the rescue! Shopping for cheap non-battery gifts for office Toys For Tots drive, and here’s some Transformers on clearance– five bucks! I don’t know from Transformers, but these are all the same character, and thanks to this comic, it tinkles a little warning bell in my mind. Google “Mudflap” on my handy smartphone, and, ye-e-ep, I think I’ll give this one a pass.
Faz, still as creepy as ever
It’s official, Faz is a less developed character than Ninja Rick.