Yeah, about that…
*throws Faz under a bus*
And Faz will respond creepily even then.
“Faz must wash his penis in lye to remove the shame of incestuous masturbation”
That. Was. EPIC.
You are really trying to avoid answering the question everyone is asking, aint you Willis?
aaaagh your face
But she’s got such a pretty smile…
Inb4 “Don’t you mean FAAAAAAAAAACE?”
*punches self in nuts for helping in the continuation of that horrible meme, even indirectly.*
Yeah, Willis! Answer us! ANSWER US!
Just how much wood CAN a woodchuck chuck, anyway?
I guess we won’t find if Amber accepted Mike’s special proposal or not.
She apparently just told Jacob that she is engaged to him.
So no, I don’t think she accepted. I think she ran away, moved to Eastern Europe, sold herself as a mail order bride, and then Mike purchased her just to fuck with her mind some more.
lol. You had that prepared ahead of time, didn’t you?
That has nothing to do with wood or the chucking thereof. I am unsatisfied.
Go chuck yourself.
did you not see the part in the second-to-last zoom in of the part about the baby? You can’t not make a baby without wood.
well, if you want to do it the way it’s supposed to be done.
Excuse me, Mr. Willis, but have you torn out your hair yet in frustration with your readers?
WOOPS! I missed that somehow!
I am actually hearing that in my mind… with echo XD
What can I say? I had a senior moment, that’s all.
As a series of scare-chords, increasing in volume, plays in the background?
Yes, exactly like that… with dramatic music too.
Senior? Don’t blame the aging process. Put blame where it is merited.
You either had a mild blackout due to solvent misuse in the past [ ie JD ] or overexposure to Politics.
Does former Pepsi Max abuse count? I gave it up when it turned out that it was a llot like drinking solvent.
“You’re my hero Willis!” *imitating Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off*
Wait, Ethan’s gay?
LOL. Epic reply is EPIC!
If there were any more WIN right there, you’d have impregnated half of the west coast. Including the men.
Haven’t you played Monkey Island 2? The answer to the age old wood chuck question is there…
A woodchuck could chuck no amount of wood since a woodchuck couldn’t chuck wood.
And that’s only the start of the conversation….
i thought the proper answer for that question was “a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.”
“How does the series end?”
“What kind of Kryptonite can we use to kill Malaya?”
“Why does no one ever, ever, ever leave Shortpacked except Sydney Yus?”
“What the hell is ‘shortpacking’ anyway?”
“Will banging my co-worker give ME the insight to legislate world peace?”
1) Ninja Rick kills a spider, and we zoom out to reveal that the toy store is inside a snow globe, and the entire Walkyverse has been an autistic child’s daydream.
2) Wield an especially nerdy object at her as if fending a vampire off with a cross. Examples include 20-sided dice, tricorders, and MST3K DVDs. Her face will melt like she just opened the Ark of the Covenant.
3) The world beyond the toy store is just an illusion. See the snowglobe thing above. Also, Galasso provides good Dental Insurance, although only because he encourages his employees to have their teeth replaced with metal jaws, to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies.
4) According to Urban Dictionary, it involves a midget, a trombone, a trampoline, and a case of orange marmalade. The traffic cone is optional, but only if all participants are double jointed and can speak Klingon.
5) No. Shortpacking your coworker will, but where are you going to find a traffic cone at this hour?
6) That’s a very good question. The answer is yes. With onions.
You win so many internets for this comment.
Dude, calling Willis an autistic child is pretty harsh.
Not sure if that’s sarcasm or not, so I’ll just point out that it’s a reference to St. Elsewhere’s famous twist ending.
explaining the joke is never, ever the right thing to do.
Malaya doesn’t need to be killed… she can just go to Boston or something, isn’t that where characters noone likes go T? She can work at nerdrotica.com. Aubrey will love her.
And by “love” you mean “hate and abuse”. Which, y’know, is basically how Aubrey does the love thing, so yeah, that fits.
“How does the series end?”
The removal of the Drama Tag destroys the Gargent universal cluster.
Had forgotten those two were related.
That may be too soon.
Okay I have to admit that I am amused that Amber apparently takes Jacob banging her mom as apparently doing her a solid.
She should have just walked up, handed him a nickle, and walked away.
“My mom banged you for a nickel”?
Well, we can assume. And if not, there’s medicine for that.
Or, yanno, at Faz’s deathbed.
…Oh yeah, Faz still works there, doesn’t he? >_> When was his last appearance again?
I think the one with the Hugs sign thing.
Clicking on his tag reveals that he’s appeared about once every two months this year.
So even Jacob knows about the whole Faz thing? Is that new, or did forget a strip where Amber told him.
yeah i was confused by that too. is that common knowledge now or something?
i think everyone working there with the exception of faz and possibly galasso was told. willis just didn’t think it would be humorous to fill an entire week with jokes about people drinking clorox.
we can only hope the comic goes for that long.
This comic could theoretically become the next Doonsebury.
we can only hope
Shortpacked can’t be the next Doonsbury; Shortpacked is /funny/.
Wait, does Faz know he and Amber are related?
Nope. Amber was going to tell him, but her lead-in question revealed yet another aspect of how pathetic Faz is, but in a way that generated sympathy rather than antipathy. She lost her nerve at that point, and it hasn’t come up again since then.
Even so, just Faz’s reaction when he finds out she is pregnant by someone other than him should be fun.
Yes has s scary ring to it
“Faz will teach his nephew or niece how to make out at the proper age of 12.”
You have taken the concept of “creepy uncle” to new heights
Aw gee thanks.
Faz would make a great uncle… I think… maybe not.
Faz would be the token relative that everyone points too and tells the kids not to get too close …. because of cooties etc … You know, the things that make kids go ick.
Well, this is a fairly smooth way of tying most things up. I ‘spect we’ll see a bit more of Ethan on Friday. It actually explains pretty well, without resorting to too much as-you-know-Fred, how Jacob can work at Shortpacked again (though a lot about his status is up in the air, still– is the therapy taking root? Is Roz still seeing him, as the cast page indicates? He does seem thinner. I hope we’ll get answers next time).
Jacob says Amber’s engaged and she doesn’t contradict him, so I don’t think there’s any big mystery that she said yes to Mike. I’m still a little unsure how I feel about that one. The Robin-Leslie relationship was pretty pathetic for a long time before it shifted to something like a healthy one, and maybe Amber and Mike’s quirky, often-dark relationship is smoothing out too, as was my impression before all this went down.
I certainly seem to have been dead wrong about Leslie’s doubts about the couple, judging from that last shot of her yesterday… or else those doubts were washed away as soon as she saw him willing to propose for real. And… well, if he’s willing to take responsibility for everything he’s done like this, maybe he’s not too assholish to deserve love after all.
Faz is the reason the phrase “creepy uncle” was invented.
I took Leslie’s expression reactions in the past few comics to mean that while she may not 100% approve or understand the Amber-Mike relationship, she’s got a soft spot for true romance and what that might bring. For Malaya, that harsher look from Leslie on her “breeders” comment may have been because it was rude thing to say, but it also may have been her realization if Leslie wants to adopt/have kids someday, Malaya’s not going to be the one at her side.
Did I miss something? I thought Jacob was fired.
Amber offered to re-hire him when he got ready to rejoin the civilized world. Or at least, the world inhabited by toy collectors.
I’m happy that Jacob is back! I like him! He’s a nice character and all that. Hopefully he won’t go away this time.
I almost feel sorry for Faz. Everyone knows Amber is his sister except him….note that I said ALMOST
I’m still not convinced Faz and Amber are related. The “big giveaway” is the hair, but Amber’s hair was originally flat and parted in the middle. She didn’t get the Faz-esque hair until her second or so makeover.
Which, really, points more to a subconscious need to ressemble Faz than any sort of family link.
http://www.shortpacked.com/2010/comic/book-12/04-change-is-coming/rockbandthree/ Hence why Robin had them DNA tested!
Wow, that’s quite the “blink and you’ll miss it” line.
It was the punchline!
Robin got a DNA test, remember?
I’m glad Jacob’s back as well. I’m a little surprised at how well he’s taken all the news, but hell, that’s not the craziest thing that’s going on.
the first step is acceptance.
Oh God, i forgot the poor li’l guy was going to be related to Faz. i feel so sad for him now
30? Amber don’t you think that’s unreasonable? I mean that’s really more of a deathbed confession.
I’m not sure exactly how old Amber is, but I’m guessing she’s probably somewhere from her mid-twenties to late-twenties (maaaybe early thirties?), meaning that if she had a child in about a year, by the time it was thirty, she would be around age 55-65. The average life expectancy for an American woman is 80.8 years (from 2005-2010), according to Wikipedia. I doubt it’s changed much in a year.
So no, it’s not really a deathbed confession… more like a retirement confession.
Amber is 28.
… She looks good for 28… I feel old now XD (23)
Usually at 30, you start to get the ‘signs of age’.
aw jeez ya diaper muncher… I’m 36, so wtf… am I sposed to be retired, crippled and in a fucking nursing home? I hope to god you remember your stupidity as you get older.
What’s more- I hope your kids remind you of it.
I believe he means that it’s the sort of confession that only comes out on your deathbed, not a moment earlier.
NEED MOAR FAZ
After reading this strip I had a mysterious vision of Faz in 16 years time in a pool of his own blood as he tries to hit on the teenager working at the store who happens to be that child.
The only thing more violent than Mike defending his girlfriend from Faz would be Mike defending his teenage girl from Faz.
Oh dear God.
You think Mike would need to defend her? Spawn. Of. Mike. Faz would be lying in a pool of his own blood every time he entered the same building as her.
After a certain point, she’d just be punching his own blood back into him.
*POW* … Stop … *BAM* … Bleeding …. *Pop* …. On … *Sock* … Me~! … *Scranton*
Hurray, Jacob is back (and OK so far) and is apparently on good terms with everyone.
I’d suggest she tell Faz sooner than that. Otherwise Faz might end up spending several years inadvertently hitting on said child. Speaking of which it’s been a while since we’ve seen Faz, hasn’t it?
Yay, Jacob’s back. And I’d totally forgotten that Amber found out Faz is her half-brother.
Did I miss a strip somewhere, or how did the people at the store, and Mike in particular, throw Jacob’s life under the bus?
The guy is apparanetly a collector addict who went to work at a toy store (seems a place where temptation would be expected) and he fell for someone who was already taken (not exactly Mike or Amber’s fault.)
With the exception of Mike being, well, Mike, I can’t even recall Mike ever talking to Jacob.
Dude slid under that bus on his own from what I could tell.
Many addicts blame their problems on someone else. Mike was definitely a manipulative bastard, but ultimately all he did was arrange for Stacy and Jacob to meet face to face.
Somehow meeting a woman who kind of resembles his crush was enough to do the work that the combined eforts of Roz, Conquest, and Joe’s Hot Librarian Collection could not, and get Jacob to fall off the wagon.
And from the look of the strip in question, Jacob was already drunk at the time, so it’s not like he was operating on 100% willpower to begin with.
Yeah, don’t have too much sympathy with his “Mike did this to me” comment.
Mike also engineered the whole “Jacob slept with Amber’s mom” thing, which helped throw Jacob back into his old habits. So yeah, Jacob has the right to blame Mike.
What do you mean eluded Roz? She caused his relapse, not Mike. He made it worse, but Amber’s mom came after Jacob had already slept with Roz and those three other chicks.
Amber’s mom was before Roz and the three other chicks.
I got to say HES taking it all prity well considering yeah they did kind of help set him back a bit.
Nice try, Willis. Having Amber crossing her arms so we can’t see a ring.
DID MIKE EVEN GET HER ONE YET?
Consider how often I draw wedding rings on people in normal circumstances anyway.
I know want Jacob to marry Amber’s mom.
Me are bad at English the.
I meant to say: “I now want to see Jacob marry Amber’s mom.”
Le derp, derp.
Crazy plot twists. Next you’ll be telling us that there’s a line of people waiting for Avengers movie action figures and have a months-long battle royale between the store’s staff and crazed Thor fans.
Is not that last bit redundant?
the only real option for amber and mike is to destroy faz before the child is born.
Faz will take your tadpole and under his tutelage be made into the ultimate lover. Now.. where did i leave my chicken grease.
am i the only one that thinks the spawn of mike and amber is gonna be a boy?
chuck norris will cry to his mother every time he sees this child @_@
Yes … Yes you are …. But she will still make ole chuckie boy cry to mamama for lots of good non-mike reasons. See my comment in the cast list to find out why XD
Have to wonder if Amber will have twins. DUN DUN DUN!
While I can see why Jacob is upset about Mike, shouldn’t he hold Roz as being most responsible for his current problems?
Aside to David: I reconsidered and have removed Adblocker.
I use AdBlock Plus, I just whitelist the sites I like so they can still get their ad revenue.
I still use FlashBlock, though. Especially since those Flash ads started having audio. >X~(
So Willis, is this where you start another wedding storyline then abandon it to do a spinoff instead?
Hey, where’s Zangief?
Um. How does Jacob know that Faz and Amber are sibling? did I miss something?
Someone tell me D:
Out of the mouth of Amber… XD
Okay, so I’m not seeing why Amber is letting Jacob off the hook since he banged her mom. Forgive me for using the old stereotypical phrase, but since when do two wrongs make a right?
“Let her off the hook?”….you know her mom is allowed to make her own decisions, right? Amber’s not her mom’s mom. Her mom is HER mom, not the other way around, even though Amber will soon be someone else’s mom.
who’s mom, Mike fucked. heyoooo
Reread. I never said Amber is letting her own mother off the hook. I’m confused as to why she is letting JACOB off the hook BECAUSE he banged her mom. I can understand her not being upset about Jacob banging her mom, but it seems to me like she is grateful to Jacob for doing so.
Try thinking of it like this: “You banged my mom, and therefore your opinion about everything is irrelevant. Mother fuckers can say anything they want and it doesn’t matter, because they’re mother fuckers.”
So her mom’s allowed to bang whoever she wants, but whoever she bangs isn’t allowed to be on the other end?
You do realize that Jacob isn’t like, related to Amber or anything, right? Or dating her? In fact, there are absolutely no reasonable obstacles to Jacob and Amber’s mom getting together?
Amber IS grateful to Jacob for helping “a poor abused, middle-aged woman finally hav[e] a fulfilling sexual experience.” (See http://www.shortpacked.com/2011/comic/book-13/04-remedial-adulthood/therapy/ )
So yes, she’s letting him off the hook for his rude, snarky comments, because she figures she owes him one for being good to her mum.
I’ve been reading this comic for the past couple years and really enjoy it. Just wanted to say hi and that you are awesome.
Hmm; I’m serious picturing Amber’s dad as a Rha Al’s Ghul type with an army of bastard half asian ninja children who run San Fran crime rings. It would be SO win.
I’ve been considering for a while whether or not Willis will end Shortpacked when the cast gets old enough for continued work at the store to be kind of pathetic.
But now I’m envisioning maybe fifteen years down the line Lil’ Warner and perhaps Ethan in a manager position being the main link between this and Shortpacked: The Next Generation.
I can see it now. “Patrick Stewart? Aren’t you dead? Why are you managing a toy store?”
It’s pretty great that Jacob’s back, but I can’t help but think he’s acting kind of like a jerk regarding Amber and Mike’s relationship.
He already told her how – in HIS opinion – Mike’s not good enough for Amber; and then he keeps beating the same dead horse after she tells him (I’m guessing, happily) that they’re engaged and expecting? Kind of a dick move, if you ask me.
Jacob needs to forget his crush, and stop expressing his opinions on that relationship. He has already done that – multiple times – and have faced Ambers annoyance or outright anger, so let it be.
He should focus on Conquest, so Willis has an excuse to bring her back.
I miss Conquest too. Reagan and Conquest’s absence from the cast page upsets me way more then Drew’s does.
One day they’ll receive that honor though, right?
I’m starting to get the feeling that Jacob and Ethan should wind up together. :O
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