Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Multiplex
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
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©2005-2013 David Willis | Powered by WordPress with ComicPress | Subscribe: RSS | Back to Top ↑
HIS NAME IS GIEF
so it shall be
I thought his name was E. Honda
Yay for racial stereotyping!
But you screw one politician…
Hey, do you remember anything Bill Clinton did as president besides Monica Lewinski? No cheating using web sites.
Yes. He felt mah pain. And played sax.
IT’S AN-I-MA-NI-ACS!
THOSE ARE THE FACTS!
YES. He balanced the budget, had blonde hair when he started in the White House, and ended up with gray by the time he left because of all the shit the Right gave him.
Feels worth noting here that the position of president of the United States has given all its owners whiter or greyer hair by the time they left office, with the strange exception of Kennedy, whose hair actually seemed to gain color. So I’d sooner call it the stress of the job in general.
They also seem to lose hair and their hairline seems to get further into the head.
That was blood and brain matter seeping into his hair. Totally doesn’t count.
NAFTA
NAFTA. Pulled troops from Somalia and had to deal with Kosovo. Responsible for signing DADT after promising to allow gays to serve openly. Ended with the first budget surplus in decades. Tried to get health care reform. The man did some good things and some bad things, but all things considering he was better than his predecessor and fantastic compared the man that took the office next.
I love being a poli sci minor.
The world needs more of those, really. Wish I’d taken it up myself at times. ^^;
Honestly given the option, I’d major in it. But I can’t afford to do law school afterwards, and that’s really the only option for it.
From here I remember that he gave civilians full public access to Navstar L1 signal, creating a reliable GPS system. (previously jammed on a regular basis)
And he nearly drank himself to death in Moscow but couldn’t reach Yelstin’s blood alcohol level.
Nice way to end Cold War.
The question was what Clinton did, not what he signed off on what congress did.
He finagled over the definition of “is,” in a lawsuit, he laughed at a funeral until he saw the cameras and then wiped away a tear, he refused to sign a budget produced by congress which led to the dreaded government shutdown which really wasn’t as much of a shut down compared to Federal holidays, and that is all that I can remember without googling.
Yeah, he pt with Gennifer Flowers.
I remembered that HE DIDN’T INHALE!
That comment combined with that avatar is full of win!
Trampled my gun rights….
No, but that’s only because I was a young child at the time and thus have heard about him primarily through political satire, stand up comedy, and Conan’s monologues.
I suspect Malaya takes her news from similar sources. Just sayin.
Not to mention the fact that he increased the problem by committing perjury, which is the real reason that he should have been kicked out of office. I don’t know why people seem to think they can get off with lying under oath nowadays.
People don’t really expect honesty from their politicians. Can’t imagine why…
Well now there was a little question in regards to the perjury… Definition of the word “sex” if I recall.
I think the idea was that (some legal fine print varying by jurisdiction) sex was defined as “intercourse” so oral uh “fun-times” was not actually sex. So when he said he hadn’t had “sex” under oath he wasn’t (by some definitions) lying.
Which, of course, is the biggest pile of bull ya ever did see
But, in all fairness, if congress had gone after my sex life while 90% of them were screwing every carbon based life form they could pin down, I would have had them impaled on the capitol steps. With little signs saying “NOW THIS IS HARDBALL” mounted on them with wall board screws.
Thus the reason I never considered politics in the U.S., you are supposed to be nice to people.
Why is the man’s sex life any of our business anyway? As far as I know he never lied about anything important, and that’s more than I can say for a lot of politicians.
When a person who is supposed to represent you to the world is having sex with a subordinate (white house intern), it becomes your business. HE did something that would get anyone not rich and or popular and or influential (justifiably) fired, but its ok, because he’s Saint Bill.
ASlo, regarding budgets, balanced or not, when the hell did it become the President’s job? If I recall, all legislative power was vested in the congress. unless we are considering their budget an executive function…in which case why does the congress get to approve or deny it?
My point is just that the presidents importance has gotten so damned overblown, partially because people want their kings and queens and princesses, and partially because the presidents gets his hands into all sorts of crap that he has no business getting his hands into (and is expected to by the people!).
Quick! name 3 congess(wo)man (either state or federal) for your state. I can think of David Wu, and some other names come to mind, but I’m not sure if they are current congressmen. These are the people who actually write the laws. They are the important members of government.
” having sex with a subordinate… HE did something that would get anyone not rich and or popular and or influential (justifiably) fired”
I have had sex with several subordinates on multiple occasions (all consensual) I am not rich, nor popular, nor influential. I was not fired.
From a legal stand point (though it does get iffy) if no employee’s career is effected it is just a case of whatever the company policy is in regards to consenting adults. If somebody gets screwed (pun) job wise for not doing it or for doing it, then it’s trouble.
I remember that everybody gave Clinton CREDIT for balancing the budget, but that it really only ever existed that way on paper, and made assumptions about future economic growth that were… optimistic, at best, and diverged from reality even before the 2000 election, when the dot-com bubble burst.
Also, I voted for him. Twice.
That’s not actually true. The government took more in in receipts than it put out in disbursements in 1999 and 2000 (and maybe 1998). Clinton deservedly got a lot of credit, but credit should also go to President George H. W. Bush and the 1990 Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act, which the Democratic Congress passed, which put in place PAY-GO controls that dramatically limited discretionary Federal spending. PAY-GO, the 1993 tax hike, the “peace dividend” and the tech boom all created an actual, structural budget surplus.
While his massive, imbalanced tax cuts did great damage to the budget, the worst thing President George W. Bush and the 2003 Republican Congress did was to undo his father’s budget mechanisms and end PAY-GO. That’s what made possible the “off-budget” wars and Medicare Plan D laws that, when combined with the 2001 and 2003 tax cuts, cause almost the entirety of our present budget deficit.
Yes. He presided over the only economic surplus in our countries recent history, pinned medals on people who slaughtered an entire family over in Ruby Ridge, committed US forces to aid in the conflict in Bosnia-Herzagovina (I’m pretty sure I misspelled that)…
I will really, really feel terrible for Robin only being rembered for the sex tape. Her entire years in congress and the four weeks of world peace, and all she gets remembered for is the sex tape? That’s pretty horrible for her.
That it is, but that’s also sadly the way the world works.
I know and that’s true, but I’m hoping a little bit that Willis can subvert that in some way, or at least rectify Robin’s cadbury egg-induced mistake. That’s probably too much optimism for drama tag Shortpacked, though.
The path to redemption almost never runs smoothly.
And you’re only remembered for the LAST thing you got attention for. Right, Charlie Sheen?
Didn’t he pretty much start out as an enfant terrible, too?
One would think they’d remember her, you know, SAVING THE WORLD FROM MARTIANS IN 2004!
Well okay, she participated in helping save the world. But it’s basically the same.
Honestly, Alan, Monkey Master, and Walky were really the only ones who did anything of consequence.
Robin did keep Lith alive, though, and considering Lith had the resurrection device component, she does indeed deserve major props.
Oh, and also Danny, Joe, Rachel and Ultra-Car for taking down the mothership. The rest of SEMME, as far as stopping the Martians goes, were pretty ineffectual.
They did other stuff!
Like, you know, dying.
But it was sex that was powered by Cadbery Eggs, that is guaranteed to be one of the most awesome examples of sex ever filmed.
Also super-speed equals hitachi magic fingers.
Sugar coma during act not likely due to adrenaline rush, although may have problems if still ‘ready to go’ but partner is not. Regardless, super speed implicates chafing, lotion highly suggested. Implications otherwise… *sharp long intake of breath* …unsettling.
If nothing else, must return to work. Determining origin of secondary scale-itch outbreak. Thought all crew members vaccinated. Quite curious. Will be here if you need me.
To be fair, no one remembers representatives except people in charge of naming roads…
At least Robin didn’t think his name was Cammy.
He’s clearly more of an M. Bison.
Of course!
(Had to.)
Yes! YES!
I think he looks more like a Dhalism.
Zangief, that was hillarious, though, E.Honda could have also worked.
Well, at least she didn’t remember the whole SEMME thing. If she did, she could probably get out of working there, as forgetting about It’s Walky! seems to be a job requirement for people who weren’t in said story.
If they paid any attention to martian invaders, do you think they would really be working in a toy store?
As Amber said in Joyce & Walky [subscribers only], “Who reads Time?”
Amber mentions the Martian invasion during the arc where she meets Mike’s parents.
Hey, no mentioning the second eaton Ken!
Deal with it Robin, it’s the way politics work, nobody remembers any of the positive stuff clinton did, they just remember his extramarital blowsky, (which was totally messed up btw)
It’s not what you did but who you did. Something like that.
Mehhh Malaya don’t make me hate you for calling Robin a slut. I swear I’m not a social justice warrior or anything but ughhh
I predict she’s going to be pretty dislikeable for a while. Maybe David is shooting for one -genuinely- not nice female for people to complain about with good reason? I already don’t much like her, and I try to give new characters a year before I start rooting for bad things to happen to them.
Maybe he’s trying to create a female character we wouldn’t Joe. Not even for a nickle.
I think he’s creating someone to call Amber on her shit.
…didn’t Walky do a strip about fucktards complaining about tokenism when adding female and minority characters to webcomics recently?
She has Mike for that. And that being said maybe this is someone that will catch her eye. She’s not as bad since she’s sticking it out to humor Ken (something Mike would never do unless there was some kind of painful payoff), but she doesn’t seem to care what anyone thinks of her.
You mean Roz?
Pretty much my sentiments as well.
I’m not digging her right now. Still the way she’ll make other people miserable will be interesting I suppose. As well as aggravating at the same time.
She’s just being an attitudinal hip young piece of shit. All good. All good. If anything it’s almost cute that she thinks it’s cool to display vast ignorance while simultaneously insulting people she barely knows.
Way to stick it to the old fogey, Malaya. Enjoy this period of time before you grow up and your entire youth becomes cringe inducing every time its’ mentioned.
I thought no one was ever again to mention the Second Ea… damn, I mentioned it! This is just like that TV Tropes meme, Candle Ja
Man, will people stop mentioning Candle Jack! Everyone knows what happens when you mentio
Scream.
AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!
THAT IS HOW I WILL GREET PEOPLE FROM NOW ON.
Robin DeSanto-alien fighter, multi-termed senator, brought world peace
famous for sexing w/a dude on the net
Representative. Not Senator. Totally different. No one remembers Representatives except people in charge of naming roads.
So…exactly 5 seconds after meeting Robin, Malaya feels like she has the right to call her a slut? What a sweetheart! Wait did I say sweetheart? I meant unpleasant bitch:) I’m guessing before her “one day” is over she’ll have done her best to alienate absolutely everyone she works with which will make it all the sweeter when she’s somehow forced to keep the job. FOREVER.
Didn’t seem to bother Robin’s sister one bit.
The main benefit of the new girl is clearly that people can take the hate off Roz for a bit. Maybe.
No, Roz is actually unpleasant to read. I dislike her.
Malaya is abrasive to her fellow characters. I like her. Kind of like Mike, only whinier and more Asian
Jesus Christ (… …it’s a lion get in the car). Calm down and welcome to society.
Rawr.
I suddenly can’t wait for Malaya and Mike to meet…
I don’t think Amber will be pleased.
Sex will always beat out world peace.
Honestly, Robin should have seen this coming. (Pun kinda intended)
Nah, people will move on in time. How many people even remember that it was a sex tape that made Paris Hilton and the Kardashians famous?
Most people who don’t actually like them?
You know, I always wondered what made the Kardashians famous…
I thought it was invading Bajor. . .
*high fives*
Well, the difference there is that’s the first notable things either example did, as opposed to someone who was famous already making a tape.
I know nothing about the Kardashians, but I had my suspicions. They sounded like a sex tape kind of group.
In all fairness to Ethan who hasn’t been put in charge of a cult?
And may the Zangief tag be a long-lived and fruitful one.
Don’t worry guys. Malaya will fit in so well, even she will forget Ken’s name from time to time.
I feel like Shortpacked has been running a definite shortage of Robin lately. This comic made me happy again.
Ok, who forgot to tell Ken the rule about the Second Eaton thing?
Was Ken even around for the second Eaton? how does he even know?
Maybe he worked for Toys ‘Я’ Us at the time.
Yeah, what a slut right? She had sex with “a” guy. Like the frickin’ whore of Babylon up in here. (need an eye rolling emoticon)
I think im starting to like Mayala.
Really? Because she’s currently at Roz-level hate for me. Faz and Sarah Palin are the only characters lower than that.
You hate Roz more than Palin?
I am far from Roz’s biggest fan but-
Dude. Harsh.
No, Viktor said he hates Malaya and Roz, but they’re still *above* Faz and Palin. In other words, he hates the Faz and Palin more.
What about Sydney Yus. She’s been a constant nemeis for the most laughably pathetic reason which I could forgive, but then she killed the Utopian Act so as far as I’m concerned she’s as ghastly as Faz and Palin.
I’m still a mixed bag over Malaya, considering her lack of respect to her employment and preferred continued unemployment (?). But the one thing I don’t blame her is assuming Robin’s a slut–I mean seriously? If someone you didn’t know any better deliberately made a sex tape for the world to see what were you going to think?
The only reason why we emphasize with Robin is because we know that to a certain extent it happened while she was in some kind of Cadbury induced high.
Though considering that she cheated on her girlfriend, then Malaya was right in calling her a “slut”–ignorant she may be, she is still in some sort of way, correct.
They were broke up! They were broke up! They were broke up! They were broke up! They were broke up! They were broke up! They were broke up! They were broke up! They were broke up! They were broke up! They were broke up!
Oh, and I think I may have forget to mention, they weren’t a couple any more at the time of the hawt sexings. Just sayin’.
Yeah. They were ON A BREAK!
It’s not being in a relationship that makes your sex video on YouTube with another person slutty.
Its your SEX VIDEO ON YOUTUBE.
Not only were they already broken up, Robin didn’t mean to release that video to the world. She had intended to mark it as private, so that only a select few users (possibly only her) could view it. She just clicked the wrong box, and by the time she noticed what she’d done the views were already reaching the stratosphere.
Okay, I stand corrected that she didn’t cheat on Les.
But if banging a dude and posting it on Youtube (making it public even by accident, doesn’t change the fact you posted a sex vid in there), is still a “slutty move.”
Malaya doesn’t need to know the details of what happened to that to jump to that conclusions–the action or video speaks for itself, and for many that is quite enough! That’s why, I don’t blame her for thinking that way of Robin and in my opinion, makes her call on Robin still “correct.”
But of course, that doesn’t mean I approve of Malaya having to say that to Robin’s face.
Me, too. She may be a tad… abrasive, but she’s blunt and says what she thinks. Roz level hatred? That’s ridiculous. Roz ruins people (like Jacob). Malaya merely doesn’t censor her thoughts and is a little ignorant. How is that comparable?
Malaya’s plan to get fired:
Plan one call all coworkers, bastards, sluts, racists, and bitches.
Plan two do no work whatsoever
Plan three after first day never come back to the toy store.
1. Maya meets Mike.
2. No one notices.
3. Mike draws her back.
*calls mike a bastard*
Mike: “I see my reputation precedes me” *waggles an eyebrow*
Now it makes sense.
what the hell is a “second eaton?”
Continuity!
Wow…poor Robin*claps hands quickly* Ok moving on there are more workers the new girl needs to annoy.
seriously…..the punchline makes NO sense! what is an “eaton” and what is a “second eaton?”
I’ve read every single SP and I have no clue what this means and I googled it and nothing remotely relevant came up. Please explain? Anybody??
Are you kidding? I can’t believe this is real.
Uhm…if you’re actually serious, start reading from here: http://www.shortpacked.com/2007/comic/book-4/07-the-tome-of-the-ages/scroll/
I’m pretty sure (s)he’s just playing on the running joke that the second eaton story arc has been stricken from the record…
Strange, I have read the entire comic, and I had totally forgotten this story line. I must go turn in my webcomic nerd membership card now.
Dude…it’s only like one of the most important storylines that SP! has had, you must be either joking or not nearly as up to date as you think. I mean it’s cool if you haven’t read it, but you dpn’t need to be spouting hyperbole all over the place
I loved the second eaton joke. Best laugh I’ve had in SP! for awhile now.
alright alright…..some digging on walkypedia revealed the info i missed.
come on….that was 2007!! i can’t be expected to retain everything.
one thing I am curious about though….now that Robin has finally got the deep dickin she was missing for so long….how did she like it??
She doesn’t remember it now, but it wasn’t good enough for her not to come crawling back to Les afterwards and get formally kicked out of the house– nor to go back to Jake for another round once she and Les were over and she had nothing to lose.
You know, this encounter wouldn’t sting Robin so hard if Roz’s official screen name weren’t “SexVidLady.”
Zangief Tag should be used way mooooore often from now on. :3
THIS NEEDS SOME MUSIC THEME!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsGJ92Pb92M
Come to think of it, Robin’s a disgraced politician, Ethan is… unspeakably famous, Mike has a reputation for setting people on fire and may or may not be known as one of the brave soldiers who saved earth from the head alien (can’t remember if that was public or not), Leslie is the disgraced politician’s former partner (as we all know, this means she is effectively a politician herself), and Ninja Rick once killed a fast food worker. Not to mention a famous pornstar hangs around with fair regularity. Plus, Amber wears glasses!
If Galasso had half an iota of intelligence, he would market the shit out of that. There’s a lot of noteworthy to famous people working at his establishment. It’s just not intelligent to have Mr T working customer service and not have a service where he’ll pity you for five bucks.
I really like Malaya. I like her sass, and yes, her sailor mouth. Why is is that when a woman swears, she gets judged? From what I’ve read, I don’t like Robin much, so this amused me.
Not all of us have been reading from the beginning, give us a break. I didn’t know what a second eaton is, nor do I much care. The story is interesting.
Oh, is that what’s happening? I was wondering why so many people here seemed so sensitive to the swears.
Personally I always thought a girl with a trucker mouth was a bit of a turn on. Also means I don’t have to clean up my language around her so I can just talk to her like a person instead of this strange delicate creature who’ll break or something if I tell a lewd joke or engage in suggestive slang. Does wonders for the comfort levels when I don’t have to break out the formal speak like I would when talking to a teacher or at work.
Of course, I could point out that Malaya is at work, so not really a socially appropriate moment for swearing, but that’s a separate issue entirely.
I like that! I have a very dirty mouth myself, so yeah, I noticed the judgment. That is probably (partly) what’s going on.
Women are supposed to be all dainty and never swear–yeah…screw that. Every other person here has been like “Oh, what colorful language she uses” and “Dirty mouth” or whatever. I imagine the character Mike swears a lot. Does anyone go on about that? I am guessing not as much…let’s get rid of double standards.
I hate to be that dude on the internet, but I don’t like Malaya. As of now.
At this point give a choice between Malaya or Faz, I think I’d have to choose Faz. Sure he’s a horndog but at least he doesn’t seem to hold everyone at the store in contempt.
I was wondering. Where the characters supposed to be in slightly different positions in the panels when they were drawn? A lot of the times, the character’s eyes don’t make direct contact. Robin is looking too far down. In the second and fourth panels, Robin’s looking at Malaya’s boobs and in the last panel she’s looking at Malaya’s ass as she walks away. lol
I can stab with Mike’s penis for less than a nickel a lady much nicer and much more want than Malaya….
Everyone seems to be forgetting that Robin is also Amazi-Girl…
…wait a tic. Robin should’ve noticed by now that she was Amazi-Girl.
Or maybe it’s actually ULTRACAR and Willis doesn’t want us to know that? Maybe Robin has MPD? Maybe I’ve been reading the comment threads too much?
SUSPICIONS. I HAVE THEM.
Amber. In *this* comics universe, Amber is Amazi-Girl.
And D.I.D would be more appropriate.
- a_o_t_8.
Wait, in what comic universe is Amber NOT Amazi-Girl?
I love Malaya now.
And I’m not saying that just to be contrary. I like her attitude. She’ll be a fit opponent (or ally) of Mike… for a little while. Then, Boom Tomorrow.
There’s always a Boom Tomorrow.
That sounds like the title of a So Bad It’s Good Bruce Willis/Vin Diesel Action Flick.
I would probably watch that.
The sad part? Most of us would prolly have had the same reaction. “Wait, I saw you in that porno vid on Youtube!” All those years in congress… Poor Robin.
Prediction: New girl says something like that in front of Leslie, leadig to either a physical/verbal smackdown or it strts the mend of leslie/Robin’s friendship.
Can I get a link to this whole sex video cadbury finagle? I don’t remember it happening :/
It was the previous storyline, more or less.
My memory is giving out on me then
Zangief is gay according to Street Fighter Word of God. Is this one of your foreshadowings, Willis?
I thought we agreed never to mention that Second Eton crap ever again.