Well, that was hard.
My good sir, I do believe that the previous string of words is indeed what she said.
Nah. What she said was “That didn’t last very long, did it?”
2nd question: Will YOU sire me an heir?
The heir question used to be on the second page, but it was removed after the recent storyline about how babies are made…
What is the average wingspan of an unladened swallow?
African or European?
You can’t ask THAT on an employment application!
Hint: Male European Swallows just get paid 40% more on average.
Anyone who swallows gets paid 40% more on average. *ZING!*
So, how come your mom only got a nickel?
Does wingspan vary from the laden to the unladen swallow? I was always more concerned with airspeed velocity.
Question 3: Do you have some of past trauma that’s suitably exploitable for drama and/or comedy?
question 4: who has a better rogues gallery batman or spiderman?
Question 5: Has Mike done your mom for a nickel yet?
That would be more of a rhetorical question, wouldn’t it?
We just need to know how aware you are of your surroundings.
Question 6: How long until you realise you’re a repressed homosexual?
LOLOL. That’s a good one Nothing wrong with it if she is. The store is a bit light on the straight people since Jacob quit.
Have you ever worked at McAwesome’s?
If answer is yes, can you get me a job there?
“This is retail: we hire anybody.”
Poor Ken. I can’t say for sure that his crush is hopeless but the odds don’t look good.
And poor Malaya. That sinking feeling she’s getting is the sensation of life not working out the way she always expected it to.
Hooray for new character. Will this be Leslie’s new GF?
she doesn’t seem hyper or whimsical enough for leslie, but then again, les might need a break from whimsy and go for someone more normal
Can you sell at least 16 CPRs per hour?
Well that was fast, let’s see if Malaya survives the experience.
(Ironically, this installment of Shortpacked could also be titled “Trap.”)
Is she actually a man, then?
When I was “hired” for the toys+seasonal section of a store, I didn’t even get any interview questions, it was “fill this out” (tax form) and then ushered into another room for a badge photo.
I was honestly confused and set my standards too low at the time
In my experience, the only jobs that were ever that easy to get without a CV, were commission only jobs.
THIS. “We hire everybody”? No, they don’t. And I’m a girl, I’m young, decent looking and decent at dealing with people. It’s just that there are too many others like me desperately looking for a job.
Not to put too fine a point on it… but the type of bosses that list: ” And I’m a girl, I’m young, decent looking…” as primary traits in employees aren’t allowed out of their gulags much anymore. Other than Hooters and such…
I’m pretty sure there are a few places that still (pretty much) hire whatever walks in. Then they burn them out in a week or so.
One place in New England (awhile back I admit) gave me about 15 minutes of “drive this in the back warehouse” training to operate side loading forklifts. The guy who “trained” us was on light duty. He had (badda bing) been run over by a side loading forklift; as had almost everyone who had been there over a year. I played bumper cars for a week and quit. Most folks who can type this sentence would = high turnover.
Not “everybody,” “anybody.” Some places have almost no standards and still aren’t great places to look, because they’ll almost instantly hire whenever they feel the need, and instantly fire whenever they need to cut costs.
If not for Ken giving her the inside scoop, Malaya probably would have caved too late and had her spot taken by some other Asian female insta-hire.
They went off whatever was on the application form which was nothing but contact information and “which department can we consider you for.” In which I ticked all the boxes that didn’t deal with meat.
Not specifying consecutive days off , particularly Saturday(Friday “drinking-nights”), and Sunday(Church), results in being conveniently given those days to work, every time.
As a teenager, I was hired at a grocery store over the phone and they asked me only 2 questions.
1) You’re not a convicted felon, right?
2) You know not to put the bag of potatoes on top of the eggs, right?
Those are very reasonable questions.
The second question is kind of already a yes by nature of it having been asked.
You’d be surprised how many obvious questions aren’t. That’s why there’s a huge safety sign behind the meat cutter at work informing me that the blade is SHARP and not to use my bare hands on it at any time in any way.
(The question related to that was: “You know how to use one of those things, right? Really? You’ve been SHOWN before? You’re not going to just cut yourself, are you?”)
Agreed. especially as I’ve watched baggers place bread in with cans and (my personal favorite) SOS pads in with ice cream.
I can do one better. Cleaners in with the freshly baked muffins.
She’s got a point.
If only finding a job were that easy in the real world…
Uch. No kidding. I’ve HAD jobs dropped in my lap that still fell through (it’s always nice to get to the interview before finding out you don’t qualify due to something that should have been a first pass).
But it is waaay too much to ask that an interviewer not simply keyword search to find candidates! Why that would be effort… and they spend that on not groaning to themselves that they needed to try harder BEFORE the inperson interview that gets everyone jazzed that “This is it!” (because the phone call most of the time was simply to arrange when the face to face would happen… and the email before that? when the best time to call is…)
All to find out the interview place is only convenient to reach if you’re UPS/FedEx, costs too much to park, and thus you’re out time and money.
Granted you’re now ‘in the system for the next op!’ Which will be offered by someone completely new because this one, the one you just got familiar with who APOLOGIZED to you and comped your parking, will likely be a manager next time and no longer does face to face work.
If you get called back. I’d say she MAJORLY lucked out in a font that hasn’t been invented yet… but MIGHT fit on a Purple Ningi for stating it’s value.
And then, she meets Mike.
If Mike was doing the interview, there’d only be one thing on the page:
“I banged your mom.”
The rest of it would involve groin kicks.
Not titty punches? Groin kicks don’t really work with girls.
Says who? That’s a very sensitive area down there and if someone winds up and kicks, its gonna hurt like a bitch. I haven’t been kicked there but I did crash my bike once and I landed on that bar that goes from the seat to the handlebars. It knocked the wind out of me for a minute.
it’s impossible to know for sure, but i’m pretty sure that a guy getting hit in the groin is much more intense. i’ve seen both guys and girls get punched in the groin and the girl is usually just pissed whereas the guy talks in falsetto for an hour hunched over in pain. then again, girls have childbirth to deal with so it all evens out.
Are you a production assistant for Jackass?
The absolute worst thing for a guy about being injured in that area is the delay – impact, mild/no pain, then a couple of seconds later all the pain in the world hits you.
Groin kicks don’t really work with girls.
Yeah, this misconception needs to die.
I am a girl and have been kicked in the crotch, and punched in the bewb. The second was way worse
i wish my friends cared enough to help me apply at their place of employment.
would wanting friends like Amber/Ken be a bad thing?
She’s at least a good judge of judgment of character.
I work at a movie theatre… when I got hired, my hardest question was “What’s your favorite movie?”
on that note, is ANYONE in this store a good judge of character?
one was a powerhungry wannabe dictator
one’s a moronic ex-delegate who caused all of the drama to begin because it was “boring” and acted as a modern-day pandora.
one’s a fucking sadistical talking car.
one’s a fucking sadistical badass.
one’s fucking said sadistical badass.
one’s a kissass awkward unknowingly (or worse off, possibly knowingly) incestuous creeper,
one’s a ninjaphile,
one’s hell bent on fanboying everyfuckingwhere,
and then there’s….
yeah, I have yet to see her do anything nutty, but BELIEVE YOU ME she’s gonna have a wierd neurosis later on.
am I missing anyone? please tell me if I’m missing anyone.
Leslie loved Robin. That puts her kind of off.
Also, you forget….
Ironically (and, uh, possibly deliberately, I guess)…you’re missing Ken.
I don’t know how many of those qualities actually speak to the characters’ abilities to judge people’s characters, though – just to their own characters.
One was also a former President of the United States.
Who really, really, really, REALLY liked his jelly beans. I’m not certain what that says about his judgment. I mean, jelly beans are okay, but they’re not all THAT. If it were candy corn, I’d understand.
we need more people like you lawzlo, to eat all of the candy corn on halloween so the rest of us can get at the good stuff. And on easter i’ll take the jelly beans for you so you can get at your tooth rotting goodness of choice
Yeah, I tend to think of Easter as Lame Halloween. While there’s lots of candy, it isn’t as good (IMO), and everything is pastel and there’s no demons and witchcraft and stuff and nobody’s dressing up in costumes and someone always tries to trick you into going to Church. Not to mention the movies they show on TV on Easter are infinitely lamer than the movies they show at Halloween.
One thing that Easter has that Halloween does not: Cadbury Creme Eggs.
You forgot “the token black guy that was a recovering sex addict who had PSL for the girl fucking the saddistical badass but ended up going on a bender that included sleeping with the ex-delegate’s sister who was a manipulative, bitchy cam-whore.”
But he’s gone (for now) and that’s why we have Ken and, subsequently, Malaya.
Mike is an excellent judge of character. He can spot a personality flaw at fifty paces.
WHAT??? You mean dating Robin wasn’t f’ed up enough to qualify?
I’m afraid i would have to disagree. dating and also enabling Robin more that qualifies Leslie for the list.
Yay, she is working at freaking toy store.
And the interwebs go wild!
Also, for that matter, I’m sure umpteen people have mentioned this, but I looked on a whim and Malaya’s been Rule34ed already.
Oh a whim, huh?
I basically went “You know, given how the fanbase seems to be obsessed over this character, apparently, I’ll bet….”
I WISH I could elicit this type of reaction with my own stuff when I decide on a whim to throw in a new character.
… It’s actually good, too.
The hell, people?
I think your standards may be a little low.
… There’s something wrong with the internet.
Well, she is kinda hot, but I’m not looking for 34s yet.
It may be a good measure of Willis’ popularity.
I think in this case it’s more a measure of having One Guy Who Can Always Be Counted On To Do This.
True. I went and looked at it, and it literally has a caption saying “I’ve only existed for like one day, how can there already be porn of me!?” or something like that.
I freely admit my ignorance: Where do you go to find such things?
Google Rule 34. There’s an actual website of user-submitted content that compiles it all.
They also run a Rule 63 site, too.
Hmmmm. I found one site, but it was only images of anime, and when I searched “Shortpacked!” found nothing. Now I’m jst confused.
Along the side of the site which I shall not post the link to as it’s very much NSFW, there is a link to “All Categories.” Look there. Scroll down ’til you find it.
And don’t use the ! if you search. No special characters in categories.
I was once offered an assistant manager position on the strength of that one question. It didn’t work out because I did need one weekend off in that entire summer, and they wouldn’t be able to swing that.
Got my first job out of college about 400 miles from my home. Drove there for the interview and was told basically that they were hiring me off my resume and just wanted to make sure I was interested enough to come there for the interview. Got fired nine months later.
They should include some math questions, to guage employee intellect.
“Your Mom is in Cleveland and travelling southwest at 65 miles per hour. Mike is in San Francisco and travelling northeast at 90 miles per hour, stopping only to set the occasional ophanage on fire.
Assuming they travel in a straight line, how many nickles will Mike need to spend on gasoline to bang your mom?”
They pass each other at some point since they’re traveling along parallel courses.
I tried to work it out, then realised I have no idea where Ohio is in relation to California. It’s somewhere in the Mid-West, right?
Gauging the intelligence of retail-workers? You’re expecting too much of employees. Especially when a more useful skill is “Some fanboy is complaining about the latest toy. What do you do?” And the answer is not “Kill them” or “Gripe back”. Remember, this is not a comic book store.
Since UltraCar most likely doesn’t run on gasoline, the answer= 4,524 nickels. It breaks down as follows $31.92 for 8 5gallon gas cans and $199.20 for 40 gallons of gas and $1.99 for a bic lighter (orphanages don’t ignite by themselves) + 1 nickel to bang your mom.
This explains a lot.
ohhh, fresh meat, interesting name, and she is cute too. . . . Wait a minute, what’s wrong with her?
Amber should just use the second page for “design a maze, in two minutes, that will take me more than one minute to solve,” because whomever creates one will SURELY be able to handle the weirdness that happens in/around the store/employee.
So what exactly about Malaya is amazing? The way she belittled and insults the idea of working in a toy store or how she shows no gratitude to Ken for helping find this job?
And funny thing… San Francisco has one of the HIGHEST unemployment rates in the country. How did they get away with just randomly hiring Malaya, when there are probably a lot more people with a better attitude and work ethic than her? I’d have thought there would have been a line around the block for that job.
People with a better attitude and work ethic? And have them working for Shortpacked?
That goes against the laws of DRAMA! Unless it involves vreaking them, then that’s OK.
. . . It’s a sad comment on my life that I managed to get through three very long web comics in two days <._>
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