I was eating crackers when I read this.
DAMN YOU, WILLIS!
Yes. The giraffe.
Now, I want you to make two carbon copies of that letter and throw the original away. And when you get through with that, throw the carbon copies away. Just send a stamp, airmail, that’s all. You may go, Jamison. I may go too.
Haha, this comic made me do a spit take.
Florida needs a re-wright on that law of theirs! *lol*
I saw a parrot named Polly being treated as if it was a human in an absurd situation, and then I saw “wright.”
“wright” and “law,” even.
It’s straighter than any other shelf I’ve seen, but I STILL WANT TO ZONE YOUR BACKGROUND
THE SAME GAME is in DIFFERENT PLACES. IT MUST BE FIXED.
On a side note, I’m the kind of person who fixes things in bookstores even though I don’t work there. I’m looking at a shelf and I’m like, this is not in alphabetical order. I must put it where it belongs.
The same game can be in different places! If there’s an empty spot, better to grab a game that’s doubled up elsewhere to cover it, rather than leaving a hole there. Plus, well, stuff gets moved around during the day by customers.
But…so many Apples to Apples games!? You can hardly find them at the stores around here. Granted, people are way obsessed with the game here…
That’s because Apples to Apples is an awesome drinking game!
Cool, another Richard avatar.
that’s an avatar win
It’s far more amusing because it looks like they’re actually looking up & down to each other.
Willis! Improper Zoning makes Retail Jesus cry!
I thought he was crying as a result of that little carpentry accident. Then again, worker’s compensation boards were brutal in the Roman era.
I worked at a library for a long while and I would come in to check things out and have to FORCE myself not to give them free labor by me obsessively sorting the shelves.
Oh and Willis, I feel bad about arguing with you over on DoA a while back, so I wanted to say something completely complementary to make up for it. I like the way you draw Scarlett, she looks nothing like your regular female cast. Good job.
Whereas I work at a library, and after over a year, if I’m shelving something and I notice the rest of the shelf is effed up…I shrug and move on.
That’s what you get for implementing the BISACS system along with a policy of putting some books face-out because “it looks nicer.”
One time when I was in a bookshop, a woman asked me about ordering a book. I had to explain I didn’t work there, I was just sorting the Star Trek novels BECAUSE THEY WERE WRONG!
I always suspected.
Seriously, there was one episode where Shipwreck has just escaped from some sort of dream sequence or simulation (It was ages ago, I forget which) and meets up with Polly.
Not sure if he’s really back in reality, Shipwreck asks Polly to tell him something only the real Polly would know. Polly responds “Remember that night in Minneapolis…?”, and Shipwreck immediately shuts him up.
Now we all know. And Knowing is half the battle.
It was “Annapolis”, home of the Naval Academy. Now you know.
Yeah, I just looked it up to make sure that I didn’t hallucinate the whole thing as a child. The episode really exists and is called “There’s No Place Like Springfield: Part II”.
Personally I choose to interpret “dumb” in that law as “any being of exceptionally low intelligence.” Which means the people responsible for that law are no longer allowed to have sex.
On the down side, this opens up at least there more species of bird, several breeds of dog, and basically every cat ever.
Gotta wonder why they didn’t just ban humans from having sex with beings of other species instead of dancing around the issue. Guess they’re hoping for green space chicks to show up any days now and don’t want to have to rework it then?
On the plus side, now those goddamn mimes will have to get a job or die off.
Probably because it’s the South, and some jerkass would say “Black people are a different species!”
Hey now. You never know when the alien space babes might show up and need you to help repopulate their species. Sure, it spits in the face of biology but they’re advanced space aliens. They shall do it . . . with SCIENCE!
Let’s science up that space babe good!
Naw, the law just says that people can’t have sex with them. They can still have sex with each other, breeding more dumb people, leading to even more dumb laws like this one.
So a cat is still fine too? WOOOOO!
Nope. Not a mental image I was prepared for.
i’m glad now that i just got back from florida a month or so ago. reading this then would have made me all paranoid and stuff. pity about snake eyes though
Wow. So now a mute person being with someone else is considered an animal? Sucks to be them.
No, because even though they are a mute individual, they are still a ‘speaking creature’, as they are part of a species predominantly known for it’s ability to speak.
Still an odd choice of distinction…
It’s in case hot aliens land and want to have sex with us.
Also, one of the people drafting that bill had an illicit relationship with a mynah bird.
Aaaand I just noticed someone else mentioned the “sexy aliens” thing. I need to read the comments more carefully before commenting myself.
So after getting his dreams of putting Trans 3 toys up crushed, Ethen Turns to Beastality to snap out of it?
I am just WAITING for someone to be arrested for being married to a mute person and an epic legal showdown.
Also, died at this comic.
And this just became my favorite Shortpacked! strip ever.
Yeah, that’s right, better than all those silly Batman ones. I said it.
Aaand my brain’s response to that is attempting to fuse the Batman comic thing with this.
Are there any mute Batman villians with romantic partners?
What about Batman villians with pets? There MUST be a Batman villian with a pet – ideally, a parot who can say “Crackers!”
Harley Quinn has the hyenas, there’s a guy who’s entire schtick is training attack dogs, and Catwoman often has pet cats.
But I don’t think there’s any mutes. Even the Mime speaks occasionally.
arnold wesker has scarface. and he’s both smart AND not an animal. watch out for splinters!
oh god, now i can’t stop thinking about april o’neil…
dosent the penguin have like ya know… penguins?
And Poison Ivy is just fine. Human/plant loving is perfectly legal.
Is Batman considered a man or a animal?
Is Man-Bat considered the same? What about Killer Croc???????????
Killer Croc would hit it …. with a rock …. …. A big rock.
No, he would not, but Batman DRESSED UP as Killer Croc to fool other criminals so he could listen in on their plans certainly would.
Just think, before they had someone mess with her brain, Cassandra Cain would’ve been illegal in Florida, then, even if she was of legal age. (I thank the Internet sensation Linkara for informing me of her existence.)
Legal definitions and biological definitions aren’t the same and aren’t expected to be the same by professionals of either field. Kind of a weak and dumb gotcha. It’s not like Florida is stupid for going by a legal definition and outlawing a from of animal cruelty. #@#$ your own species or go #@$^ yourself I always say.
Seems to me the latter would be included in the former, wouldn’t it?
No, it’s obviously not. Law and biology are two distinct fields with their own technical definitions for words that do not necessarily. A lawyer does not mean the same thing as a biologist when using the term ‘animal’ unless discussing matters of taxonomy. It’s a fairly dumb reach to try and mix the two up.
But I guess it passes the “seems to you” test at least.
Pretty sure he meant f***ing yourself is included in f***ing your own species, Palaeomerus.
Someone here is thinking way too hard.
But they’re arguing that this legal definition is *stupid*, not that it should match the biological one.
So I don’t see you’re point.
Well at least the Macaw is probably of legal age. Since they live like 80 years and such.
Does foreplay count?
Browsing through the archives, I love the ever-increasing perversity of Shipwreck. Started as a normal gay man, then was a necrophiliac, and now is just straight raping animals.
I am in no way being sarcastic when I say I can’t wait to see what he bangs next.
One word: homonecrozoophilia.
There’s an app for that.
There’s probably a cream for it too.
I now need that mental image out of my head.
UltraCar: “God damnit, Florida, leave me out of this.”
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals,
so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel…
Host an increasing quantity of Reality TV, while decreasing the amount of documentaries that made your channel so great in the first place?
So what do they call those people who are caught having sex with animals? Petophiles?
I think it should be petAphiles, just because it would be funny when PETA throws a fit over using their name in such a manner.
Good Thinking Doc, PETAphiles sounds even better now you have mentioned that aspect.
It’s funny because PETA’s old e-mail answers page was the PETAfiles. The more you know.
So it is official then, all members and fans of PETA are to be refered to as PETAphiles.
It’s nice that Ethan and Robin can talk about things like this now that there’s no more unresolved sexual tension between the two of them.
On an unrelated note, I saw the “bestiality” tag and out of sheer morbid curiosity clicked it just to see if there were, in fact, other Shortpacked comics that made use of it.
Well played, Willis. Well played.
Florida is also a wonderful place to dispose of unwanted elderly relatives as we recently deregulated/defunded the nursing homes. Anyway it’s just part of Governor Rick Scott’s plan to bolster the economy. If people can’t have sex with animals, they’ll be more likely to pay money to hookers who will then use it to buy drugs. The drug dealers will bribe the police officers who will in turn bribe the politicians. The politicians will pay the money to their lawyers to defend them when they are caught soliciting prostitutes.
The lawyers will then use that money to take vacations to states where they can have sex with animals.
…Dave Barry, is that you?
A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
And no one can talk to a horse of course
That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Ed.
Run Mr. Ed, run!!!!!!!
Nice background in panel one, love all the detail
Did NOT need that mental image.
DAMN YOU WILLIS!!!
My friend has a talking cat.
For some reason, he only talks to me.
Somehow, I don’t believe that any jury will accept that as a good excuse.
So David, what’s it like having “bestiality” as a tag for one of you comic strips.
And damn it, you can make fun of Snake Eyes and Scarlet all you want, but leave Shipwreck and Polly alone.
Besides, it would be A) sicker and B) more plausible if you used either Mutt & Junkyard or Law & Order.
Despite what you believe you may have learned from Scooby Doo, dogs can’t actually talk.
Yeah, you completely missed my point. It’s impossible for a human to have sex with a bird.
That would make for a disturbing episode of Mythbusters.
Sir, humans have been screwing things for millenia. They will find a way to fuck anything.
If Jason Biggs can fuck a pie, then Shipwreck can fuck his parrot. The parrot won’t SURVIVE, but…
He doesn’t need it to have a similar anatomy to humans. He only needs it to have an orifice.
That first sentence is great out of context, hahahaha.
If you know.
When an alien told a woman their species were sexually incompatible, a Spider Robinson character once noted, “I see fingers and a tongue. The rest is gravy.”
This also brings to mind some of William Messner-Loeb’s best lines, attributed to Leda in The Many Loves of Zeus. You know if Zeus tried it, there’s some mortal somewhere that’s tried to emulate it.
MikeK “Yeah, you completely missed my point. It’s impossible for a human to have sex with a bird.”
I do NOT know this from experience, or observation, but:
Chickens are a well known (uhm) “partner” for human males.
I have no problem with believing this: Consider the diameter of a chicken egg, now consider the desired diameter for human males. And (ick bleh) do the math.
Now a shoulder parrot seems unlikely (for said equation), but some of the big sized parrots…
And now you know why some people work on chicken farms…
Tell that to the Son of Sam.
Sir, I believe your parrot just uttered a racist slur to indicate Florida.
Wouldn’t it be easier if they just used genetics?
I mean, as far as I’m aware, we humans share something called “a genetic code”, and even when it varies from human to human, there are some basic traits we all share.
Instead, they have just banned you from having sex with a mime, but allowed you to have sex with trisha. (the talking dog)
I recall hearing that there is a greater difference between human extremes (i.e. genetic disorders) than between (some?) humans and chimps.
Question: does “ability to speak” include sign language? If so, gorillas are (literally) f***ed.
FLORIDA IS WHY PLANET OF THE APES HAPPENED!
I dare you to try and fuck an unwilling gorilla. Be sure to have a video camera recording. It will help with identifying the body.
Well, if alcohol has the same effect on gorillas as on humans, I’m pretty sure SOMEONE will find a way. It would make a helluva awkward morning after, though.
I wasn’t expecting that… now I cannot unsee…
Why not glue the parrot to Snake Eyes?
Crackers Crackers. squawk! I’m cobra commander bring me Crackers you ninnies. Squawk!
In other news:Disney has announced the original Enchanted Tiki Room will be returning to the Magic Kingdom in some form .
I knew that “in some form” sounded suspicious.
Or to put it another way Why is this man smiling?
The law is protecting against a slippery slope. After all, if you allow sex with animals, the next logical step is allowing gays to marry.
Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, “biblical”?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes…
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!
As a parrot owner, I am both deeply offended and laughing uncontrollably. What’s worse, I’m actually moved to comment. Congratulations!
Oh man, Apples to Apples? My boyfriend has been trying to convince me to go and play it with him and his friends. Clearly, this is a sign.
I might be wrong, but I think beastiality might be against Military code Shipwreck…
Personally I think Leslie is being very selfish.
How is Leslies inability to to articulate her emotions Robins fault anyway? Leslie forced Robin into the relationship. Robin was happy to be just friends but Leslie wanted to be more. All Leslie has ever done is take take take. She was only too happy to hang around Robin a few months ago. Now because of ONE little tiff she isnt speaking to Robin anymore? Why?
Leslie hasnt even asked after Robin. Yeah, real nice way to show your love there, Les. Giving Robin the silent treatment for months on end. Awsome way to show your affection. Bitch.
Crows are capable of human speech
…So sex with crows is legal?
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