Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
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Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
Fans!
Fleen
Gastrophobia
Girl Genius
Girls with Slingshots
Goats
Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
Intrepid Girlbot
Legend of Bill
Medium Large
Not Invented Here
Octopus Pie
Overcompensating
Penny Arcade
PhDcomics
Power Nap
Questionable Content
Real Life
Rob and Elliot
Bad Machinery
Schlock Mercenary
Sheldon
So Far Apart
Something Positive
Two Lumps
Wapsi Square
Wonderella
Wondermark
Frumph.NET
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he didnt need all that stuff. it was just a flashy cover for the way danny elfman got rid of a couple of actors by using music
John McCain raises his arms to scare kids off his lawn.
I really don’t think he does.
Actually, I remembered he physically can’t, right after I wrote that.
That’s why the ’89 movie makes Batman McCain’s favorite, I suppose. To him, raising your arms above your head like you’re about to dramatically break out into an impromptu Queen musical number IS a superpower.
Also makes him feel better about all those planes that got shot out from inder him.
To be fair, John McCain can’t raise his arms above his head due to the injuries he received during his internment as a prisoner of war.
He can lift them a little. Just not over his head. Could still hold them threateningly about elbow height and yell at kids to quit tramplin’ his cacti.
I was really confused by this whole line of comments until I realized that it was John McCain’s favorite, not John McClain’s favorite…::blush::
(maybe he should have tried to tie his name to Die Hard…might have helped in Ye Olde Election
I actually feel really bad about making that joke.
Sarah Palin raises her skirt to scare kids off her lawn.
There’s currently a rumor that her youngest baby isn’t actually hers, but got wedged in there by a particularly daring lawn-trespasser, and she didn’t notice for a few weeks.
Forgot the combat boot with which he kicked that machete-weilding punk’s face off.
He had just gotten done watching Karate Kid before he went out to fight crime, you see
“Stop the press! Who’s that?”
“Vicky Vale.”
* queue Batdance music
Now I’m having sophomore dance flashbacks. Awesome!
I liked that movie but… I liked Returns a little better *Hides from rotten fruit*
I’ve always been torn between 1989 Batman and Batman Begins. Begins was more “urban-realistic,” and less merchandising-oriented, true. But 1989 Batman had style.
Also, to be fair, in most of the Batman films, regardless of director, the title character revealed his dual identity to his girlfriend du jour. Similarly, in Spider-Man 2 Peter revealed his identity to MJ and to a whole trainload of people (I’m not counting Harry Osborne, because it was Harry who unmasked him in that scene.) It seems to be an unwritten rule in superhero films that the hero must reveal his identity to at least one person (other than his sidekick or domestic servant), preferably his lover, by film’s end.
By the time Hush rolled around, everybody and their various pets knew who Batman was. Maybe he got lonely.
There is, however, a slight difference in ‘revealing your identity to a whole trainload of people’ and ‘revealing your face to a whole trainload of people’.
He never went ‘oh hello, I’m peter Parker, sorry to lure ol’ eight-arms over there to over here.’
One of my favourite quotes from that scene (can’t actually remember if it’s legitimate or just my fantasy) ‘He’s just a kid…’
I’ve always enjoyed that scene. Unrealistic, sure, but more in a “this is the way the world *should* be” way.
I wold not say its so much unrealistic as unlikely. People *do* sometimes behave with altruism, honor, and character…just not enough of the time
Plus, unless I’m remembering wrong, he didn’t reveal his identity, really. His mask got taken. There’s a difference between willfully revealing your identity or getting screwed by circumstance.
Its a legitimate line and one of my favorite scenes from Spidey 2. They really made Spidey a hero in the first 2 films, not just a super-powered nut in a mask.
Spidey didn’t reveal his identity to the folks on the train. He showed his face, but none of those people would know him from Adam.
Also, that scene gets a pass because it was an awesome scene. Even made up for the nonsensical “The reactor’s gone critical, you can’t shut it off now! Push it into the river!” thing, like nuclear fusion is just like a candle but bigger.
Nothing could make up for Spider-Man 3, though.
You can’t tell me there wasn’t one person on that train who didn’t have a cell phone camera.
Peter Parker’s face and entire life history would have been on TMZ that afternoon.
I think that might’ve been just before everyone and their dog had cameras on their cell phones and took photos/recorded video of everything. You couldn’t do that sort of thing now and get away with it, though.
An by du jour we mean penis.
To be fair, Bruce didn’t exactly reveal his identity to Vicki. Alfred was the one who let her into the cave. And with Catwoman… well, they never actually slept with each other if I remember right.
His plan was to reveal his identity to Vicki Vale. He even went to her place to tell her he was Batman, but Joker interrupted the whole thing.
Joker. Murderer. Thief. Terrorist. C**k Blocker.
lol, perfect example of this http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ArsonMurderAndJaywalking
I completely agree with the comic. I find while the 1989 Batman film was great, it greatly disrespected the Batman of cartoons and comics. Batman’s one rule as stating in multiple things including Batman Begins and it’s sequel The Dark Knight among many other things is he doesn’t kill, no matter what. Even when in the comics the Joker crippled Barbara and killed Jason Todd, Batman still refused to kill him, as that would lower himself to the Joker’s level. Even in Batman Begins: Revenge of The Joker when he drove Tim Drake insane, Batman still wouldn’t kill him. I mean he still died but not by Batman’s hands. Yet in the 1989 Batman and it’s sequels Batman kills criminals left and right. Just never sat right with me from the day I found out he had such a rule.
Sorry, meant Batman Beyond. I’m kinda tired.
Well, depending on whether Raz Al’ghoul died in Batman Begins, that would technically be Batman’s fault and in Dark Knight, Batman tackled Two Face and sent him plummeting to his death, so that would definitely be considered a kill.
Even the Adam West Batman movie had him kill some henchmen (who were rehydrated with heavy water). So bottom line: Movie Batman is a killer, though not a first degree murderer.
Also, Batman has not always had such a rule. In his first appearance he chuckin guys off of rooftops. also, see batman+robin+machine gun cover from WWII
“Golly, Batman, don’t we have a code against using guns and killing people?”
“Sorry, Robin, I can’t hear you over the racket of this chain gun and the screams of the maimed and dying!”
http://j.mp/gfDCs5
Batman was shooting the guns out of the Nazis’ hands!
Yeah and those comics sucked
Hey if Ra’s decides to pick a fight with Batman in a train that’s about to get blown up and leaves his parachute-cape at home that’s his problem.
Batman’s last words to Raz Al’ghoul: “I won’t kill you… but I don’t have to save you.” (Batman is a weasel!)
But Adam West punching rehydrated villains SO doesn’t count… how could he know the slightest hit would disintegrate them instantly?
So true… I just recently watched Batman (’89) in it’s entirety, and while the first hour and 20 minutes or so are okay (if substantially weakened by the poor costume and fight choreography) the last 40 minutes make the movie go off the rails in spectacular fashion.
In short order we have:
-Joker killed Batman’s parents!
-Batman kills people!
-Alfred just nonchalantly gives away Bruce’s secret identity because he’s shipping Bricki!
-Batman kills even more people!
and most ridiculous of all
-Prince sang a song about Batman!
I found it very bizarre that this Batman had friggin MACHINE GUNS built into the Batmobile. Comic Batman is turning over in his gra– oh wait. No, he’s alive again. Nevermind.
Didn’t Comic Batman use real weapons in the gold and silver age?
At least movie Batman was less of a douche to Movie Robin =p
IIRC, he did indeed use a handgun and snapped necks in his earliest appearances (I’d guess five appearances or less). He also uses missiles and crap against JLA-level threats.
I agree on the Robin issue. Especially when it comes to ‘All-Star Batman.’
Dark Knight Returns Batman had machine guns on his Bat-Tank-Mobile. “Rubber bullets, I swear”
I like how the bad guys are using mortars and such, while Batman’s rolling around in a freakin’ tank… and then Robin pulls out a… …slingshot.
It was the sculpted armor. It made every criminal stop and try to figure out if he was wearing a chestplate, or if he just painted his bare chest black. That’s why he only fights crime at night: because it’s harder to tell.
Personally, I’m not all that keen on the whole “keeping your secret identity from your love interests” thing. As love interests, they’re pretty much contractually obligated to be kidnapped by villains/get hurt during a fight/otherwise suffer because of the hero. At least if they know the secret identity, they would be prepared.
Personally I’m not all that into batman banging chicks. Didn’t anyone read seduction of the innocent? He’s supposed to be some manner of omega gay role model. Suddenly he’s wooing women in movies and in the newer movies he doesn’t even keep a little boy dressed in a brightly colored gymnast suit. Now in the comics he has a child or something, with Raz Al’ghoul’s daughter, who I guess is hot and not manly at all? No, this doesn’t sit right. This doesn’t sit right at all.
Batman doesn’t do women. He does comically misleading remarks about his side kick. “Robin! What have I done?”. That’s his sex.
I dunno if Seduction of the Innocent is really accepted as an accurate reading of superhero comics. (Except for Wonder Woman, which was every bit about bondage as Wertham said it was.)
If it makes it any better (it doesn’t), in current continuity Talia drugged him to produce Damien (though in the original story it seemed consentual).
Oh, that’s gonna open some hategates.
I’m at the love door on this one, though.
What about his special forearm mounted crotch piston?
Oooh! Yeah, I even had a trading card of that one. I may still.
Studded palm of the gauntlet extended out on a steel rod, or some such.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPWp96bTiWw&feature=player_embedded
bumble bee chevy ad
Small jets can be taken down by birds, so rifles aren’t really out of the question…
I watched Batman:The Movie a few days ago, now THAT was an awesome movie.
Return to the Batcave is a nice followup too, if you like things rather meta.
If Batman weren’t constantly in the way, police snipers probably would have eliminated 99% of the costumed idiots in Gotham a long time ago.
Also, most of the villains he busts don’t qualify for insanity defense under the laws passed after Hinkley tried to kill Ronald Reagan and would have been executed by lethal injection long ago.
The usual excuse in the comics, at least post-Silver Age, is that the number of honest cops in the Gotham PD can be counted on one hand. Gotham is so corrupt it would make the hypothetical love-child of Chicago and L.A. look like Mayberry.
Let’s see, you’ve got Commissioner Gordon, Bullock, Montoya (except she quit), Crispus Allen (except he died), Tenniel…and that’s all I can think of.
In at least one continuity, Gordon says he can count the honest cops in the city on one hand.
police snipers probably would have eliminated 99% of the costumed idiots in Gotham a long time ago.
And then they’d get better and go on killing people.
Worse, the “batjet” was taken down by a long barreled pistol. At least with a rifle the Joker could have at least been aiming a little better.
See, I don’t believe Batman meant to kill the Joker at the end. Who would think he’d be able to pull a gargoyle off the roof? All the other people he killed aside (in the factory, inside the bell tower before the joker), he couldn’t have just been meaning to leave him hanging from the tower?
When I was a kid, I always thought he was acting out of desperation at that moment. I don’t think he knew for sure what would happen.
But I don’t think Burton!Batman really shed a tear over killing the Joker.
His car can’t turn and neither can his head! HA!!
I think the wings thing kinda works because he was explicitly still an urban legend at that point.. and that’s a very important time in every Batman’s life, as I’m sure you know, where you can get away with all KINDS of shit..
After that he has to try making them think he’s actually -nuts-, and teh wings thing can still contribute to that.
Batman ’89 is still the best live-action Batman film. It seems a lot more like a live-action Batman comic book than either of Nolan’s ultra-realistic films, and it has more focus than either of them, too.
Plus, yeah, Batman killed some bad guys, but he killed a bunch of ninjas in Batman begins, let Ra’s die, and killed Harvey Dent in TDK. In fact, the only guy he spared in Nolan’s films was the Joker, a gleefully murderous maniac who killed his best friend and love interest.
So yeah.
The Gotham of Burton’s films is better, too.
Of course, the best Batman movie of all time is Mask of the Phantasm.
I liked Batman Forever’s Gotham waaaaay better. It didn’t look like it was just a sound stage.
Dude, Batman Forever’s Gotham looked like the Gotham from Burton’s films had sex with Las Vegas and had a baby.
Vegas Gotham was still way better. BF’s Gotham was an interesting setting. B(1989)’s Gotham was just a crummy, unremarkable sound stage.
It looked pretty impressive to me. I loved the gothic touches. Neon Gotham from Schumacher’s films is embarrassing.
Man, you really nailed Keaton’s lips.
I’m Batman
Yeah. Thank goodness for Nolan for making a GOOD Batman movie. I was never happy with the 1989 portrayal. I consider those 4 movies t be about Elseworlds Batman, whose parents were killed by the Joker, not Joe Chill, and who is not only comfortable with killing criminals in cold blood but also uses machine guns in his Batplane.
Still, that Batplane and Batmobile are kick-ass.
Is it weird that I initially read “John McCain” as “John McClane” and it made PERFECT sense that Batman would be his favorite superhero?