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Demographics

by David Willis on September 29, 2010 at 12:01 am
  • 03 - Minorities Report

└ Tags: amber, ethan, faz, galasso, transformers, unicron

Discussion (58) ¬

[ Comments RSS ]
  1. David Herbert
    David Herbert
    September 29, 2010 at 12:02 am | # | Reply

    Damn, Jacob must be getting a lot of action. Here’s hoping he doesn’t get fired, I like him.

    • Trae Dorn
      Trae Dorn
      September 29, 2010 at 12:03 am | # | Reply

      Well, Amber’s mom is insatiable.

      As are all the other women he’s probably banged in the last few days in a sex-addict bender

      • Colin
        Colin
        September 29, 2010 at 10:39 am | # | Reply

        Shame on me, but I like where this plot is going…

  2. Trae Dorn
    Trae Dorn
    September 29, 2010 at 12:02 am | # | Reply

    Has it really been this long since we’ve last seen Faz scheme?

  3. Vivvav
    Vivvav
    September 29, 2010 at 12:02 am | # | Reply

    You know, I’m amazed Galasso is actually aware of racial controversy. I think he wouldn’t even notice the existence of race in his own little world.

    • Ascension
      Ascension
      September 29, 2010 at 12:06 am | # | Reply

      Wasn’t Ethan’s token gayness used to save his job earlier? It IS kind of strange for Galasso, but it has precedent (I think).

      • awa64
        awa64
        September 29, 2010 at 1:41 am | # | Reply

        I’d like to think that Galasso, like Stephen Colbert, understands racial controversy but doesn’t actually understand race.

      • James
        James
        September 29, 2010 at 8:42 am | # | Reply

        Galasso has read the Evil Overlord’s handbook.

  4. Fyrewyre
    Fyrewyre
    September 29, 2010 at 12:05 am | # | Reply

    I… How bad is it that at this point I would probably toss Faz what I will insist is a pity fuck?

    I need to get laid, or at the very least acquire a dildo.

    • Ragnal
      Ragnal
      September 29, 2010 at 12:18 am | # | Reply

      My place or your’s.

    • Guru G.
      Guru G.
      September 29, 2010 at 12:50 am | # | Reply

      Sistah please! If you’re ready to do that kind of abuse to your genitals, I’m afraid I’ll have to confiscate them.

      • Fyrewyre
        Fyrewyre
        September 29, 2010 at 1:13 am | # | Reply

        I am intrigued, aroused, and disgusted as I wonder how you would do that.

        • Guru G.
          Guru G.
          October 19, 2010 at 12:43 am | # | Reply

          Ice cream scoop, usually.

    • Bobthecheesecake
      Bobthecheesecake
      April 19, 2011 at 2:21 pm | # | Reply

      It’s okay; you don’t have to pretend it’s out of pity. You harbour Perverse Sexual Lust for Faz. There’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. I personally know someone who likes to do unspeakable things involving three antique vases, a scorpian, and the head of a bulgarian wine merchant, and… actually, yeah, he’s kinda wierd. Get help.

  5. JayStrang
    JayStrang
    September 29, 2010 at 12:06 am | # | Reply

    More Furman is more better.

  6. Joe
    Joe
    September 29, 2010 at 12:08 am | # | Reply

    I can’t unsee the red tint in Faz’s hair.

    • Jen Aside
      Jen Aside
      September 29, 2010 at 5:12 pm | # | Reply

      I keep seeing a weird red tint in MY hair… (Asian who stopped dying years ago, uhhh)

  7. RaijinK
    RaijinK
    September 29, 2010 at 12:12 am | # | Reply

    Can’t help but notice that the Amber portion of Faz’s hair is more pronounced since the reveal.

    • Trae Dorn
      Trae Dorn
      September 29, 2010 at 12:15 am | # | Reply

      Either that, or someone dumped soup on his head

      • Guru G.
        Guru G.
        September 29, 2010 at 12:48 am | # | Reply

        Or say… shoved his head up someone’s ass?

        • Derik
          Derik
          September 29, 2010 at 10:06 pm | # | Reply

          That is troubling in terms of what it says about Sarah Palin’s colon health.

  8. Shecky
    Shecky
    September 29, 2010 at 12:15 am | # | Reply

    Wait… one third and he’s *Half* Asian. So everything is cool as is.

    • David Willis
      David Willis
      September 29, 2010 at 12:32 am | # | Reply

      One third, dude. 100%/3 = 33%

    • Andrew Perron
      Andrew Perron
      September 29, 2010 at 8:25 am | # | Reply

      Oh God. Worst possible way this could play out: Everybody’s there when Amber finds out what Jacob and her mom have been doing, and Galasso orders him to make some half-black babies for his employee demographics. x.x

  9. Ragnal
    Ragnal
    September 29, 2010 at 12:19 am | # | Reply

    And as Faz points this out, Amber hides in her happy place.

  10. loneislander
    loneislander
    September 29, 2010 at 1:42 am | # | Reply

    Oh god don’t do it Amber………IT’S A TRAP!

  11. CreatureSH
    CreatureSH
    September 29, 2010 at 3:11 am | # | Reply

    One has to wonder where Faz has caught Furmanism. It’s not like he had human contact….

  12. Jodin_San
    Jodin_San
    September 29, 2010 at 3:40 am | # | Reply

    Did anyone else notice that Faz said -I-? I thought Faz only spoke in the third person?

  13. TexasNinjaBuzzard
    TexasNinjaBuzzard
    September 29, 2010 at 4:14 am | # | Reply

    I’m missin’ the Furmanetics here. Although Faz is sorta like a vast, predatory turd…

    • Zemyla
      Zemyla
      September 29, 2010 at 4:31 am | # | Reply

      Where he says Jacob is “Surplus to requirements”.

      • Kamino Neko
        Kamino Neko
        September 29, 2010 at 4:45 am | # | Reply

        That’s a businessism, not a Furmanism.

        • Trae Dorn
          Trae Dorn
          September 29, 2010 at 8:24 am | # | Reply

          It’s both! :)

      • Rezzy
        Rezzy
        September 29, 2010 at 9:36 am | # | Reply

        Actually, I see that line as more of a throw-out back to the Wanderer/the Cheese’s line of Head Alien having a surplus of hostages back during the Science Fiction Fan Club (or is it called Faans! ?) crossover with It’s Walky!

        • Trae Dorn
          Trae Dorn
          September 29, 2010 at 12:26 pm | # | Reply

          It was a Furmanism back then too!

    • Matt
      Matt
      September 29, 2010 at 11:59 am | # | Reply

      Even the mighty Jacob has fallen! What chance, then, for the rest of the Shortpacked employees?

  14. JDavis1186
    JDavis1186
    September 29, 2010 at 6:01 am | # | Reply

    Wait… What about Sydney Yus?

    • MrGBH
      MrGBH
      September 29, 2010 at 11:10 am | # | Reply

      She was sacked ages ago.

      • JDavis1186
        JDavis1186
        September 29, 2010 at 6:20 pm | # | Reply

        Yes, but she was his only black worker at the time, and Galasso didn’t think twice about it then.

        • Derik
          Derik
          September 29, 2010 at 10:11 pm | # | Reply

          IIRC, wasn’t Sydney a seasonal employee, who was EXPECTED to be let go?
          Jacob is full time.

          Anyway, Galasco had a perfectly defensible reason to fire Sydney– he made it quite clear that he was cutting a position based on quantifiable performance, not race.

  15. Rasputin Varez
    Rasputin Varez
    September 29, 2010 at 6:47 am | # | Reply

    Has anyone told faz that he is related to amber yet?

  16. Tipcan
    Tipcan
    September 29, 2010 at 9:05 am | # | Reply

    I foresee a Mike ass whooping on Jacob. Mike wanted to fuck Anvers mom!

    • Tipcan
      Tipcan
      September 29, 2010 at 9:07 am | # | Reply

      Amber’s** damn you spell check!

  17. Maestro
    Maestro
    September 29, 2010 at 11:19 am | # | Reply

    Just wondering if you were aware that you have ads for Scams posted on your site…that ad that has the women getting thinner “1 Trick to get thin” leads to different “channel news” sites advertising different scams by this reporter “Julie Ayers” who apparently works for over a hunderd differnt news stations and has over a 100 different photos.

  18. agentksilver
    agentksilver
    September 29, 2010 at 12:25 pm | # | Reply

    This is the Faz I’ve been missing.

  19. BriGuy
    BriGuy
    September 29, 2010 at 12:31 pm | # | Reply

    Jacob is underneath the giant foot statue, weaving tapestries by hand.

    • agentksilver
      agentksilver
      September 29, 2010 at 12:39 pm | # | Reply

      Who will beat the living shit out of you if you interrupt him, and then throw you in the water four times.

  20. agentksilver
    agentksilver
    September 29, 2010 at 12:35 pm | # | Reply

    Wait, ten? Amber, Ethan, Faz, Jacob, Leslie, Mike, Ninja Rick, Robin…even if you count Galasso as an employee, who’s missing?

    • SinisterTwist
      SinisterTwist
      September 29, 2010 at 12:51 pm | # | Reply

      UltraCar?

    • CJ
      CJ
      September 29, 2010 at 2:51 pm | # | Reply

      Maybe Faz doesn’t get that Ronnie is gone

    • JDavis1186
      JDavis1186
      September 29, 2010 at 6:21 pm | # | Reply

      He said about.

  21. Batgirl1
    Batgirl1
    September 29, 2010 at 1:54 pm | # | Reply

    Out With A Bang?

    R.I.P. Jacob

    • David J Prokopetz
      David J Prokopetz
      September 29, 2010 at 3:56 pm | # | Reply

      You know, Amber’s mom accidentally killing Jacob – even in a “death by snoosnoo!” sort of way – would possibly be an even bigger DYW moment than the revelation of Faz’s ancestry.

  22. Macker
    Macker
    September 29, 2010 at 5:33 pm | # | Reply

    Is Faz a Mohammedan?

    • Derik
      Derik
      September 29, 2010 at 10:16 pm | # | Reply

      Well he is a perpetual virgin…

  23. Ziggy78eog
    Ziggy78eog
    September 29, 2010 at 7:32 pm | # | Reply

    I am fairly confidant as to Jacobs whereabouts, same with Amber’s mom as well.

  24. Stephen
    Stephen
    September 29, 2010 at 11:51 pm | # | Reply

    Oh he dead all right. The little death!
    …

    Yeah, that was lame.

  25. Dave
    Dave
    October 1, 2010 at 5:32 am | # | Reply

    Affirmative Action at it’s best. :)

  26. subaqueousReach
    subaqueousReach
    October 17, 2011 at 1:45 am | # | Reply

    I really hope I wasn’t the only person who noticed the “Racial Pie Chart” formed a peace symbol. Putting a little subliminal messaging in there Dave? :P

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