Shortpacked! by David Willis
Toys are serious business.
Convention appearances:
Calgary Expo Calgary, AB: April 26-28
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
Phoenix Comicon Phoenix, AZ: May 23-26, 2013
BotCon San Diego, CA: June 28-30
San Diego Comic-Con San Diego, CA: July 18-21
SPX Bethesda, MD: September 14-15
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Sorcery 101
Templar, AZ
The Transformers Wiki
Hail to the Slash
80 page GIANT
Axe Cop
The Book of Biff
Butt-Taco
Comics Curmudgeon
College Roomies from Hell!!!
Diesel Sweeties
Dinosaur Comics
Dr. McNinja
Dresden Codak
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Hark, a vagrant
Hijinks Ensue
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Not Invented Here
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So Far Apart
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I knew there was a reason I didn’t watch this show.
Seriously.
Yeah, I’d be pretty sick of it too. Here’s hoping this year they finally let him move to Metropolis and be Supes.
Actually, he moved to Metropolis several seasons ago, and is pretty much doing Superman’s job…he’s just not in the final costume with the name yet.
So yeah, it’s REALLY atrophied.
That said, Geoff Johns guest stuff on the show with the JSA and so on is pretty worth watching, but I don’t think I could follow the show reguarily.
Yeah, Evil Clark lived for a summer in Metropolis around season 3. Seven years ago… just let that sink in for a little while. Seven years ago…
Zod IS basically the show’s Pacey now.
I long ago made peace with the idea that Smallville’s Clark will *never* become superman. There is no connection with the comics/movies/animated series. as Abrams Trek is to therest of the series, so Smallville is to the rest of the Superman mythos.
Although by “made my peace with” I mean “stopped watching the show.”
See, this is basically what I would have written had I posted first. This is more like an Elseworlds story. Lois & Clark and Superboy were more faithful to the source material. And the latter had Clark and Lana working for some paranormal CIA.
They should have Batman just come up and punch him until he needs glasses.
Also, dunno if you’ve seen the videos of Tim Gunn (Cool gay guy from Project Runway) discussing superhero costumes, but he hates Smallville’s Superman “costume”.
I thought they ended Smallville ages ago. Its really been ten years already? Dam
I love his analogy. But wouldn’t he just crack the ground and be able to stand back up?
Maybe they’re setting him up to just be Superman full time…
Well, if the building’s tall enough, he could definitely cause some internal organ trouble. Plus I think his will to live is a big factor. But now you went and made me overthink a silly joke.
So… yeah I’m glad I quit Smallville back in season 2 or 3.
Naw, it’s Superman. All he would have done is scratch-up his wanna-be-Angel leather jacket, and kill a few dozen random people.
You’re right, He is Superman. And nothing makes Superman happier than killing random innocent people.
I never said he would be happy. Only that’s what would happen if he fell off a really tall building, hitting terminal velocity and struck the ground below. Anyone unlucky enough to be there is gonna die.
In one of the earlier seasons he rode a missile heading into space attempting to disarm it. After he did so, he plummeted back to the earth below. So a fall off a building won’t even break a nail. Speaking of which, how does he trim his nails?
He just needs to stare at them really hard. The ends just burn right off.
I’d assume he bites them. Ew.
I remember seeing him shave via mirror + heat vision once in one of the shows. I think it was in Lois and Clark.
Say what you want about Lois and Clark, but the show nailed all the “how does Superman live his day-to-day life?” questions. And it still managed to have actual, interesting THINGS. HAPPEN.
Agreed. L&C was a fun show. It got their characterizations perfectly.
Also, great title for the obvious pun.
HA! Clark Kent pulled a Bucky? Well, now we know he’s cooler than Bucky Barnes, then, he kept both his arms
.
Would he actually have super-nails? I’d have thought they’d be normal, like his hair.
Superman’s hair isn’t normal hair. In Lois and Clark it was shown to be dense, just like him (there was a little boy that got a temporary surge of Superman’s powers, but they were able to tell it was temporary by the fact that cutting his hair nearer the tip had the cut strand dropping like a leaden stone while nearer the follicle was a nice normal drop)…
Also, Superman IV had Nuclear Man built in part by using DNA from Superman’s hair, because Lex knew that the hair would survive the temperatures of the sun and be usable as the genetic material for the little machine he was making to make the clone in the kiln of the sun. And the hair was holding up some massive weight, if I recall correctly, in the display of the donated hair strand.
When I know Superman, I know kinda older Superman
. Smallville makes baby Slipgate cry.
DCHorror: Well, you’re applying logic to something that shouldn’t have logic on it.
I thought it was funnier because of the logic. His suicide attempt was doomed to fail. He is forever doomed not to don his secret identity.
-facepalm-
Yeah, okay. I agree with ya, Clark. I stopped tuning in regularly the season Bart Allen started showing up. I mean, I still watch episodes dealing with their version of the JLA, but that’s because I’m a guest star-aholic.
Er.
WE WANT TIGHTS BRING ON THE TIGHTS RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE
RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!
If TimeWarner/DC had figured this out in 2006 and made the Superman reboot movie from the Smallville continuity (and later, the Justice League movie, teaming up with Christian Bale’s Batman), it would have been bigger than than the Marvel Ultimates line. Heck, it would have been bigger than the new Star Trek movie.
You know what’s scary? Smallville will be tied next season with Stargate as the longest-running sci-fi series (if it even counts as sci-fi). It’s a shame that such an excellent show will have to now share its distinction with such a dubious series.
As usual Walky, you’ve nailed Smallville Clark right on the head. Though, I am a little excited about having Apokalips being the focus of the next series… it’s going to be hilarious to see how they mess up Darkseid.
No no no no no. Doctor Who ran uninterrupted from 1963 to 1985.
…And I should probably read more carefully before posting. Damn.
I’m not that familiar with Dr. Who. Is like your typical UK series where they make 6 episodes and call it a year? If so I’m still saying Stargate’s more prolific.
There are over 600 individual episodes in the 1963-1989 run of the series, spread across 155 stories, which range from 1-12 episodes each (which can be 30-90 minutes a piece) – 4 being the most common.
So, no, a given serial is likely to have more than 6 episodes, a whole series being as long as, or longer, than an American season. (The third series had 45 episodes, across 10 stories, for instance. It followed close on the 39 episode (8 story) second.)
I have no idea why Guinness is counting Stargate as the longest running consecutive series (that’s the distinction they’re drawing) – Doctor Who might have those big breaks between 1989 and 1996, and 1996 and 2005, but the 26 years and 600+ episodes before that first break also beat Stargate…
but was that 600 episode 20 some odd year span all the same doctor?
I ask because I thought they restart episode numbering every time they decant a new doctor.
No – that wouldn’t make any sense – it’s the same series, no matter who’s playing the title character. The title doesn’t change, the cast, save the Doctor doesn’t change (except for the 2-3, 7-8, 8-9, and 10-11 switches, that had in-story reasons for the Doctor to lose his Companion(s) and other supporting cast)… It’s no more a different series than any other series is in a different season (and the first Regeneration happened 8 episodes into a season).
The production codes change
Erf…incomplete thought.
The production codes change…on a fairly erratic schedule. I only know the codes for the serials, not the individual episodes for the original series, but they were alphabetical, and mostly swapped in the middle of a Doctor’s tenure, because they switched after hitting Z.
So, A-Z, AA-ZZ, AAA-ZZZ, 4A-4Z, etc – it ended on 7P. At the end of 7′s run, but that’s just a coincidence – 7A was the first serial of Six’s last season, 6A was halfway through Five’s first season, 5A was about midway through Four’s tenure, and so on. 4A was, possibly NOT coincidentally, Four’s first serial, but that’s the only case of that happening in the entire run. He ended on 5V.
The current series has the standard Season.Episode format.
You mean longest-running American sci-fi series? Cause I’m pretty sure the Doctor kicks Stargate’s ass 2.5 times over.
Yeah, I sort of reached this point back with Doomsday and Lois showing up. I mean, I never watched the show, for this reason or that, but those things more or less had me hang it up early on.
They just cannot let it die, can they?
They’re already in the main continuity, with stories like the Justice League, Doomsday and the Lois/Clark relationship. This is not longer a prequel to the Superman Mythos. It’s Superman, without the Superman. That not how it’s supposed to work peoples! The show isn’t even about Smallville anymore. The story primarily takes place in Metropolis.
Honestly, if they want to keep milking the Superman stuff, just put him in the gosh-darn costume and rename the Show “Superman” or even “Metropolis”.
I personally stopped watching the show after the first season, when all they did was the ‘freak-of-the-week’ storyline, where this was the story: Clark bitches about being with Lana. Lex does something sneaky. A psycho with Kryptonite-based powers becomes a stalker to one of the main characters. Said character gets kidnapped. Clark saves the day. Everyone knows he saved the day, but no one realizes he’s got super-powers or is Superman later on.
That concept got pretty old, pretty fast.
The only time I ever watch the show now is when they have the guest star characters like the Justice Society, Legion of Super-Heroes and so on. I mean, the Justice Society episode was very well done and I loved seeing Hawkman, Dr. Fate and Stargirl.
The only thing that sucked about it was Clark.
Oh, but at least we should be greatful that they didn’t exchange Smallville for that Dick Grayson show they thought about, remember?
http://shortpacked.com/comic/book-7/09-rock-band-week/thegraysons/
I actually like the show.
But then again i just take it as it is… A tv program. that takes a different
more everyday version of what supe’s life was like before the big cape’a'rino.
I mean in the comics it’s always a given that lex was his buddy turned bad. But your pretty much asked to take this for granted or the fact that he goes from baby to teen to superman with absolutley misshap’s whatsoever in 25 is years.. i mean come on.
superman in the comics gave us the upstanding citesen the moral compass that could kick ass that we all wish we’d grow up into. The Tv series just fill’s in the bit that we all wish he’d done when he was younger, which is be not so clean cut and get laid. ( or do lois and cause earthquakes – Which totally fills the, did the earth move for you? quota of visual puns ) plus it was cool to see a young flash and supergirl… well it’s better than watching the original lois and clark superman tv series….
And that’s all well and good when he was a kid and then when he was in college, during the period BEFORE he was being an official super-hero.
However, its no longer filling in the gap between childhood and being Superman. The show is now telling the story of Superman (he’s a super-hero, has a secret identity, lives in metropolis, works at the daily planet, and is dating Lois Lane, fighting all the villains from the comics, and working with all his allies from the comics), only they STILL won’t let him fly or wear tights or call himself Superman.
Not to mention, the Lois and Clark series already DID the ‘everyday life’ soap-opera thing with Superman, and did it better. Because, y’know, he actually bothered to be Superman. No matter how cheezy it got, you could at least take comfort in the fact that he wasn’t some retarded pseudo-superman not-quite-alter-ego.
sorry for my bad spelling and grammer i just woke up ¬_¬
There’s one way to end this with the continuity intact.
Final episode. Everything has gone to pieces. Clark standing in the ruins because his dedication to inaction has caused the death of everyone.
He falls to his knees, his eyes close.
Cut to the fortress. On a slab of crystal he opens his eyes. The voice of the fortress says “Simulation Ended”, and the camera pans back from his face and he’s in costume. Yep. The ENTIRE SERIES has been a bad dream for him, just like it has for us.
Agree completely with this.
Major props.
I can’t wait for Clark to join the Teen Titans. Or the Avengers. Or whatever the fuck it’s supposed to be.
My boyfriend and I watch the show now and then, and this comic pretty much sums up my opinion of the show. Every other time we tune in it’s “Whine-bitch-sob-whine-OMGprettypeoplewhoaresecretlyevil”. Maybe we’re just missing the good episodes?
I felt so free once I made the conscious decision to stop watching the show at the beginning of this season. It’s like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
I know what you mean. I had to endure this for six seasons and a half because my wife really enjoyed it so we both watched it. But all the supergirl-lose-her-memory-and-clark-doesn’t-tell-her-shit storyline-for-whatever-stupid-reason-that-didn’t-made-sense was more than I could bear and said enough. It was glorious stop watching it, let me tell you.
THAT SHOW IS *STILL* ON???!
Yeah that double episode with Hawkman & Co. was great and moving along until it hit a brick wall called Lois. It was like a great dream that all went bad, and I came outta my entertainment buzz like “oh yeah I am watching Smallville” DAMMIT !!!
See, I lost interest after the first episode of season 1.
Self-made humanist businessman Lex Luthor > Spoiled rich kid Lex Luthor.
Mark my words folks season finale. I think we’re going to see things really change there.
For some reason, I love this show, even with its over-the-top cheesiness. It’s so far off-continuity that it’s now its own continuity, but with allusions to the various other Superman continuities. I guess that is what keeps it interesting to me: they’ve gone so far off that they can’t go back, and they realize that and are doing their own thing.
I figure no-flight no-tights cannot endure forever on this show, but once we see both it’ll be close to the end. Once he “grows up” it doesn’t fit in to the CW roster anymore. Remember, this show is actually every other CW show but with DC characters in it.
When I first saw the comic, I thought it was going to be a Heroes parody. The funny thing is, if you change their names to Peter, Claire, and Sylar, and change the dialog only a little bit, it still makes sense!
I watched this show until season 7 or so, maybe even got to 8. I stopped when I realized he was never ever going to become Superman, or join the Justice League, and when they made literally impossible for anyone to be able to go “who is Superman? I mean it’s obviously not small-town simpleton mild-mannered Clark Kent, but who could it be?” Literally everyone he is acquainted with in the series is a friend or enemy later on (with the exception of the ones who never existed in canon) who is supposed to have no idea who Superman’s secret identity is.
This show had 3 great moments, in my opinion, and the rest was just blah.
1. Lionel Luthor, a character who never existed, but who really made my day. I do prefer the “self-made” Lex, but a self-made Lex with the opposition of his balls-deep rich Dad? yes, please (they ruined this with the cancer storyline)
2. Clark meets Aquaman. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Made Aquaman not totally nuts. plus Orange and Green for Miami University? Why didn’t I ever think of that? They ruined this by making Clark NOT a founding member of Justice League, and the Jon Jonzz bit.
3.Kal-El, Jor-El, and ZOD. I don’t think the comics have done a more in-depth study of Kryptonian writing, the Phantom Zone, and Kryptonian history. It’s mostly only ever been brushed over. Of course they ruined it with Braniac, the new Zod, the original ZOD, Doomsday, the fortress dying, and Kara showing up.
I almost like the idea of it all being a dream Procchi, it would fix everything.
Just let the show DIE. I stopped watching it after Season 5. I should’ve stopped after Season 3, but… Chloe… Only reason I watched it as long as I did.
Emo supes…
I agree Batman should just punch him in the face until he needs glasses
if they had had him and fly at the end of the 5th season and called it the series finale of smalleville and then gone into the spin off called it Metropolis (wich is really what the show ois not they haven’t been in smallville in like 3 seasons ) this show would be A LOT more watchable ive seen one episode of the last 3 seasons and that cause it was the JSA episode and i was hoping Alan Scott (golden age green lantern) would be in it
Does he still have that ring the Legion gave him?
I don’t watch the show anymore, its too painful. I catch random episodes like the Wonder Twins but I can’t deal with it from week to week. Calling himself the Blur instead of Superman comes across as unheroic and just lame.
Anyway, back to the ring, they could end the show with everything a big mess and Clark see’s that all his standing around crying about Lona and not acting on situations was a big mistake. He uses that ring to go back in time and become Superman when he should have.
He could still be Superman without the tights. Which I don’t understand why they resist that. We already have Flash, Aquaman, Green Arrow etc. They all had a “uniform” look. Why can’t Clark do that and call himself Superman?
Because YOU DO NOT FUCK WITH SUPERMAN’S OUTFIT.
I didn’t even know Smallville was still going. Please tell me doesn’t actually wear a black leather trenchcoat in the show.
But if he didn’t have a black leather trenchcoat, what would he unbutton to reveal the S he has drawn on his black t-shirt in what appears to be chalk?
The real reason that Clark will probably never end up being Superman that we know is because the bulk of the fan base of the show were 10ish when it started ,no nothing of comics, don’t get most of the comic references and LIKE it as is. My then 16 now 17 year old female cousin fits this bill. I was talking about the show with her and I made the comment that I hoped they would have him be Superman soonish maybe that season or the next. Her response was “Never, that would ruin the show”. I just watch the show on DVD and fastforward through the teen drama crud. Though I haven’t watched since the season that Clark started off missing.
That… would ruin the show? So… putting him in his iconic costume, while still doing the same stuff they’re already doing… would ruin the show…?
Really. It would ruin the show. For them.
It’s not OUR show – it’s THEIRS. The little ones watching since nine or ten.
B-But… they’re already doing all the Superman stuff in the show, except the costume… why would giving him the official costume ruin it…? It… it doesn’t change anything except they get to call him Superman instead of “The Blur”…
>Logic system crash: Does not compute<
This is where it starts, folks. From here on out, you will never, ever like or understand the new Generation.
I haven’t watched it since probably season 2. 10 years? Clark should have graduated college with a doctorate in journalism and won a pulitzer or 7 by then and flown so fast time went backwards.
Mr. Willis – well done! It EXACTLY sums up how I feel about the show. It is too late for him to develop a “secret identity” since the whole knows what Clark Kent looks like and “The Blur” is just what the storylines have become. Thanks for this.
Poor Clark.
Hilarious comic!
I remember four years ago when I wrote a scathing critique of this show that criticized exactly the same things that you have found faulty in it. I could not believe that it was in it’s sixth season and the now adult Superman had not gained a costume/secret identity, resolved his relationship with Lonna in order to make room for Lois, or even begun to fight crime.
Which is a way of pointing out that the show HAS made some progress narratively. Clark is a true superhero now in all but costume (and they added the Justice League folks to get him to eventually put on a cape) so that is one the way. Plus, the constantly oscillating relationship between Lonna and Clark that grew more and more difficult to believe finally resolved itself.
They had to fire Lex for a season to get this stuff done, and though I think the actor that plays Lex has always been the best thing about the show, the narrative has improved when they removed him long enough for Clark to become the focus of the show rather than Lex.
We love good villains. . . which is the secret to every good hero really (with the notable exception of Spider-man, but that’s another discussion). Heroes are reactive, so most great heroes are measured by the quality of their rogues gallery.
Anyway, used to love Smallville, still love Shortpacked! Great job!
I don’t see the problem; it’s earth `N’ not DCU main; who cares if he ever puts on glasses or calls himself superman, the show has it’s own continuity seperate from earth 1 or the DCAU or the movies or whatever. Supes is a bad guy on some earths, looks different on others, doesn’t exist on others still. If you stop caring about it becoming what where used to you one can enjoy/ or not (Ive never liked it!) the show on its own merits.
The Green Arrow is cool – costume looks good. They didn’t follow the traditional Green Arrow costume but reinvented it for the show. They need to do that for Superman too. I read somewhere that the director or producer claimed they would never put Clark in tights and have him fly around.
…So, from those last two panels, -should- I be hearing an allusion that the fans are soon going to be coming along in droves to “fix” TV canon with oodles of Clark-Zod slash? Say it ain’t so! Clark&Lex OTP!
–evil grin–
‘Course, a couple seasons ago, Lex was possessed by General Zod, though, wasn’t he? So that is potentially all kinds of awkward, in a weirdly twisted and vaguely distubing sort of way.
Hm. My original thought kind of got away from me somewhere. Sorry about that.
Love the comic, priceless! …Still struggling with Smallville from time to time but keeping with it
(which generally involves turning my brain off and just letting myself enjoy the wacky wacky “fun”, I have to admit. Ah well, superheroes. I shrug.)
OK, yesterday we leave a main character with (what I referred to as) a “child’s dreams melted by adulthood’s wear and glare” theme and now we go to Clark Kent trying to suicide. Does Mr. Cartoonist need a hug? Chocolate? Lithium?
REAL science fiction shows don’t use the word “roundel”. SG wins.
First off let me say this. I agree with the comic. Now let me say the rest. The title wasn’t changed because it changed up what it’s used for. Smallville is now named after lois’ nickname for clark, and not the city like the early seasons. No tights? Been fixed, season 10 will bring the costume in (if it’s not in the season finale) but it won’t be tights… It’ll be red and blue pleather. He already has the cape too. The glasses? Lois knows he needs them, he just hasn’t told the rest yet hiding behind self-conciousness, or so he says. Flying will come when the new suit does, or really vice versa, once he flies, he’ll get the new suit. My only real gripe about the show besides all the damn milking though? Doomsday. It wasn’t resolved, it was a damn stall tactic to use him later. He wasn’t defeated or killed, just buried so he can come back later. Can’t wait to see how they beat darkseid then… What he just leaves cause he can’t hail a cab?
Wow, PRESCIENT!
While I do agree that the show really needs to finally get Clarks butt in the dang suit already I gotta admit for the most part I still love the show. For the years from season 4-7 things really dragged but the last few years have been awesome with the comic characters finally making appearances.
The worst part about the show is how Chloe makes a better Lois than Lois. Maybe it’s improved since Lois arrived, but I was pretty much done when they brought in Lois seemingly in an effort to emphasize that Chloe, as asserted by Marv Wolfman during the second second or so, would have to die for Smallville to become Superman.
My guy still watches this. I made him stop teasing me about all my 90210-related memories after season 1.
At least he is finally wearing the glasses now.