Comments on: I wrote a fanfic. http://www.shortpacked.com/2010/blog/i-wrote-a-fanfic/ Toys are serious business. Sun, 19 May 2013 17:43:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 By: Derik http://www.shortpacked.com/2010/blog/i-wrote-a-fanfic/#comment-6477 Derik Thu, 22 Jul 2010 18:26:26 +0000 http://shortpacked.com/?p=3139#comment-6477 Liked the fic! No Monster Pretenders? (Were they all taken out earlier in RoD? I strongly associate them with that setting.) It's a funny microcosm... few Autobots and humans vs. massed but leaderless Decepticons. Demonstrably winnable. (Scrapper's head 'ejecting' seems weird... is there a toyetic reason for this, or is it a meta-reference to the tendency for Scrapper's disembodied head to turn up in fanfics? Nice use of "Fireblast.") Mindwipe tracking the Autobots down despite interference because he's a mystic wasn't clear until explicitly said-- and even then I had to think to connect the the events. (It's a neat little detail, make me work less to enjoy it.) Thundercracker's ending is strong-- but oddly disconnected from the rest of the story... does he appear earlier? (Probably something destined to be tweaked in a second draft.) Lisa was a cipher even in the original story. I don't think you <i>have</i> a place in this story to feature her POV... but a sentence or two about her background or association with the Autobots from Jazz's POV would be welcome. <i>Something</i> to 'anchor' the character and make her more than 'attractive black girl attached to Spike.' Liked the fic! No Monster Pretenders? (Were they all taken out earlier in RoD? I strongly associate them with that setting.)
It’s a funny microcosm… few Autobots and humans vs. massed but leaderless Decepticons. Demonstrably winnable.
(Scrapper’s head ‘ejecting’ seems weird… is there a toyetic reason for this, or is it a meta-reference to the tendency for Scrapper’s disembodied head to turn up in fanfics? Nice use of “Fireblast.”)
Mindwipe tracking the Autobots down despite interference because he’s a mystic wasn’t clear until explicitly said– and even then I had to think to connect the the events. (It’s a neat little detail, make me work less to enjoy it.)
Thundercracker’s ending is strong– but oddly disconnected from the rest of the story… does he appear earlier? (Probably something destined to be tweaked in a second draft.)

Lisa was a cipher even in the original story. I don’t think you have a place in this story to feature her POV… but a sentence or two about her background or association with the Autobots from Jazz’s POV would be welcome. Something to ‘anchor’ the character and make her more than ‘attractive black girl attached to Spike.’

]]> By: Derik http://www.shortpacked.com/2010/blog/i-wrote-a-fanfic/#comment-6476 Derik Thu, 22 Jul 2010 17:26:40 +0000 http://shortpacked.com/?p=3139#comment-6476 Hey! I wrote a <i>Kiss Players</i> fanfic, and I can assure you, there were <a href="http://groups.google.com/group/alt.toys.transformers/browse_thread/thread/59b9a3b078c5802f/003a5ebe0b57147d#003a5ebe0b57147d" rel="nofollow">no Transformers boning in it</a>! Hey! I wrote a Kiss Players fanfic, and I can assure you, there were no Transformers boning in it!

]]> By: MrGBH http://www.shortpacked.com/2010/blog/i-wrote-a-fanfic/#comment-6475 MrGBH Thu, 22 Jul 2010 13:56:17 +0000 http://shortpacked.com/?p=3139#comment-6475 Okay, I may not have understood the context, but it had some awesome action sequences, and that is what's most important. Okay, I may not have understood the context, but it had some awesome action sequences, and that is what’s most important.

]]> By: DYlogger http://www.shortpacked.com/2010/blog/i-wrote-a-fanfic/#comment-6474 DYlogger Wed, 21 Jul 2010 21:15:51 +0000 http://shortpacked.com/?p=3139#comment-6474 Hee! Welcome to the wonderful world of ficsters! Hee! Welcome to the wonderful world of ficsters!

]]> By: emeraldbeacon http://www.shortpacked.com/2010/blog/i-wrote-a-fanfic/#comment-6473 emeraldbeacon Wed, 21 Jul 2010 17:39:02 +0000 http://shortpacked.com/?p=3139#comment-6473 Love the very subtle hints at the beginnings of the Predacon faction - if those were intentional. ;) Love the very subtle hints at the beginnings of the Predacon faction – if those were intentional. ;)

]]> By: Jason http://www.shortpacked.com/2010/blog/i-wrote-a-fanfic/#comment-6472 Jason Wed, 21 Jul 2010 15:38:58 +0000 http://shortpacked.com/?p=3139#comment-6472 Not a Bad Start...I would really consider maybe putting a Decp. rally call in, Maybe Divebomb says something along the lines of Kill them all etc etc... You will have to explain when this story takes place a little, some people who read it won't see that it takes place right after Unicorn's defeat, or that Galvatron has been thrown into space...But other then that good start Not a Bad Start…I would really consider maybe putting a Decp. rally call in, Maybe Divebomb says something along the lines of Kill them all etc etc… You will have to explain when this story takes place a little, some people who read it won’t see that it takes place right after Unicorn’s defeat, or that Galvatron has been thrown into space…But other then that good start

]]> By: Matt http://www.shortpacked.com/2010/blog/i-wrote-a-fanfic/#comment-6471 Matt Wed, 21 Jul 2010 14:26:19 +0000 http://shortpacked.com/?p=3139#comment-6471 A bit bare, ends abruptly... Yup, that's a pretty accurate description of any fanfic. Except for the part where all the Transformers bone. But I guess you're not writing a Kiss Players fanfic. A bit bare, ends abruptly… Yup, that’s a pretty accurate description of any fanfic. Except for the part where all the Transformers bone. But I guess you’re not writing a Kiss Players fanfic.

]]> By: hyperknight http://www.shortpacked.com/2010/blog/i-wrote-a-fanfic/#comment-6470 hyperknight Wed, 21 Jul 2010 06:31:08 +0000 http://shortpacked.com/?p=3139#comment-6470 Heh. Rhythms of Darkness is probably my favorite Marvel story of all time. I'm not normally into fanfic, but that was fun! Heh. Rhythms of Darkness is probably my favorite Marvel story of all time. I’m not normally into fanfic, but that was fun!

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