I had a four hour flight from O’Hare to San Diego this evening and a laptop. So I decided to start writing a Transformers story. Those of you familiar with the Marvel Comics will understand the context. Those of you who aren’t… well, I plan to beef this up a bit later with better detail. I had two hours of power on my laptop. I started writing when I turned it on, and stopped writing when I was about to run out of juice. So it’s a bit bare in places, it ends abruptly, and I feel like I need to address more the weight of the universe that’s been placed on these characters.
Regardless, enjoy.
Heh. Rhythms of Darkness is probably my favorite Marvel story of all time. I’m not normally into fanfic, but that was fun!
A bit bare, ends abruptly… Yup, that’s a pretty accurate description of any fanfic. Except for the part where all the Transformers bone. But I guess you’re not writing a Kiss Players fanfic.
Hey! I wrote a Kiss Players fanfic, and I can assure you, there were no Transformers boning in it!
Not a Bad Start…I would really consider maybe putting a Decp. rally call in, Maybe Divebomb says something along the lines of Kill them all etc etc… You will have to explain when this story takes place a little, some people who read it won’t see that it takes place right after Unicorn’s defeat, or that Galvatron has been thrown into space…But other then that good start
Love the very subtle hints at the beginnings of the Predacon faction – if those were intentional.
Hee! Welcome to the wonderful world of ficsters!
Okay, I may not have understood the context, but it had some awesome action sequences, and that is what’s most important.
Liked the fic! No Monster Pretenders? (Were they all taken out earlier in RoD? I strongly associate them with that setting.)
It’s a funny microcosm… few Autobots and humans vs. massed but leaderless Decepticons. Demonstrably winnable.
(Scrapper’s head ‘ejecting’ seems weird… is there a toyetic reason for this, or is it a meta-reference to the tendency for Scrapper’s disembodied head to turn up in fanfics? Nice use of “Fireblast.”)
Mindwipe tracking the Autobots down despite interference because he’s a mystic wasn’t clear until explicitly said– and even then I had to think to connect the the events. (It’s a neat little detail, make me work less to enjoy it.)
Thundercracker’s ending is strong– but oddly disconnected from the rest of the story… does he appear earlier? (Probably something destined to be tweaked in a second draft.)
Lisa was a cipher even in the original story. I don’t think you have a place in this story to feature her POV… but a sentence or two about her background or association with the Autobots from Jazz’s POV would be welcome. Something to ‘anchor’ the character and make her more than ‘attractive black girl attached to Spike.’