…Based on absolutely nothing besides my own anecdotal evidence, which, scientifically speaking, is worth approximately one fart in a big-ass blizzard.

First, you should be aware that “attraction” comes in more than one flavor. There is such a thing as being drawn to a person, or enjoying being with them, for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with sexual urges. For instance, maybe the person is charismatic, or kind, or makes you “feel safe”, or shares a lot of your interests and sense of humor.

Heck, speaking as someone who is borderline demisexual, all of those things are absolutely more important to me than sexual interest. (I suspect more women are demisexual than men, because I’ve noticed men I’ve known have generally been more influenced by sexual desires whereas many women often aren’t thinking about sex when they start a relationship… but I have only anecdotal evidence on that).

Basically, it’s just a matter of what needs drive you more; in asexuals, sexual urges are weak or nonexistant, so instead of chemistry being sexually-based, it’s based on other emotional needs.

It’s also possible, mind you, for asexuals to still have or enjoy sex – those individuals just don’t have a particularly strong desire for it and could just happily go without it. The range that “asexual” covers is pretty flexible, and depending on who you talk to, may even cover those who are non-permanently disinterested in sex.

Anybody who thinks sex is THAT important to a relationship, needs to stop and think that not everybody’s needs are balanced the same way. Because that is definitely what this boils down to.

Also, you CAN have physical affection without it being sexual, coincidentally. In fact, that’s my favorite kind of physical affection – just hugs and snuggles and backrubs. I’m aware that this is rare, and for non-asexual men sometimes can be baffling, but it is true.

I know I read this in someplace like Scientific American or New Scientist, but I honestly can’t remember which it was, or the month/issue (beyond it being “The Sex Issue”), or anything beyond the bit that stuck with me – the bell curve – and that female bonobos use lesbian action to keep the peace (sort of like, “oh no, I’ve legitimately upset you? Here, have some sex to make it up to you/distract you!”), which is probably why their genitalia faces slightly forward.

Anybody who knows the magazine, issue and volume should totally post it, especially since the more stuff like this comes up in conversation, the more it bugs me that I don’t recall who did the study, when they did, their sampling method, etc., and I am pretty sure I no longer have the issue or else have it in storage, where it will probably never see the light of day again. :\

But I do find the idea that humans are mostly some degree of bi while a small percentage aren’t, to make complete sense. It would explain a lot, and it would also fit well with what we know of sexual behavior in other primates and in humans (as it would explain how some boys and girls “always felt different” whereas others came to it gradually and some have never felt those urges towards the same sex. Also, the “totally gay” being a small percentage also fits with the idea of it being usually biological; it’s often selected against, but sometimes happens anyway for probably very complex reasons having to do with an interplay of genes, hormones, and epigenetic influences).

Unlike other animals, we have sex primarily as a non-procreative act. I think this is in part why we are one of the few species that will stay with one mate for life. (I know there are others, but it’s the exception not the rule) I’m curious to know what binds an asexual couple together. If you have an opinion, please share it.

I am a straight guy and honestly the thought of sex with a guy doesn’t gross me out much, but say, the thought of making out with a guy does. the emotional part doesn’t really bother me either.