Six-six-sillyon December 27, 2005 at 4:29 am
So it’s Armageddon Week on the History Channel! After we did the gifts and food thing today, Maggie and I, thinking we were biding our time until Daily Show repeats, watched a special on the Anti-Christ.
It was hilarious. Why? Well, the same reason any History Channel documentary is awesome — dramatizations. Their Anti-Christ fellow was great. Dark hair, long side burns, clean-shaven, and always wearing a very nice suit. He walked city streets in slow motion. Sometimes the camera would turn around him as he looked up into the heavens, arms outstretched. Other times his eyes would go all white and milky as he grinned evilly into the camera. And my favorite shot is the one of him running at you from a distance (in the same city street) in slow motion, arms outstretched, teeth in a snarl.
These were, of course, punctuated with shots featuring an actor playing Jesus upon his return. A guy in a beard and a white robe stalked some sort of open desert, and would stop only to open wide his arms for an unreciprocated embrace…never directly at the camera, but slightly off to the right, addressing an unseen audience. Was one actually there? Who knows. Jesus might be back already, but he’s wandering around New Mexico and nobody’s noticed.
Maybe he should have hit the streets like Mr. 666. There were people there. Remember, there’s three rules in End-Times Strategy: Location, location, location.